Ladies of a Certain Age ~ for those invisible powerful, dynamic, vital women

Elizabeth, I have something I wish you would write about in your blog, my new friend stated one day.  I knew that she had recently lost her husband of many years and had moved to a new home a couple of months ago.  I also knew that she was a strong, powerful, dynamic woman, who was probably in her early 80s.  So, I followed up a couple weeks later and listened to what she had to say.

Although her viewpoint is from a widowed reader, I think her thoughts and ideas are relatable to the readers of this blog, age 50 to 90+, who are single, widowed or divorced.  Although I’ve never been widowed, from a feelings standpoint I could relate to what she had to say, especially from  the time after my divorce, retirement from a very active professional life, and grown children and grandchildren who have lives of their own and live many miles from me.  Yes, several of her views and opinions have been covered in this blog before; but, I feel they are so important, they are worth repeating.  When appropriate, I put a link in italics to one of my previous blogs on the subject in case you want further information.

New Friend:  Many of us have never lived alone.  We went from our family home to our marital home. You know divorce was a bad word for our generation.  Some of us never worked.  Many of us did not manage our own money until our husbands died.  My friends are skeptical about electronic banking and pay most of their bills by check.  I tell them that I do electronic banking and also have someone, a financial planner, who helps me manage my money.  It’s 3 a.m. in the morn.  Do you know where your money is?  and Taxes and Finances – Really at this Age?! – Oh, Please

New Friend:  For many of my friends who lost their husbands, they don’t know what to do with the rest of their lives.  They had accompanied their husbands to corporate events and the golf course.  They were a fixture on their husbands’ arms.  After their husbands are gone, they continue to live in their big houses and seem to be paralyzed.  They do not know how to live a single life.  I tell them they can get clues about what to do with their lives now by considering what they do well and what they like to do. Let’s Play and Bitter or Better? The Tale of the Cheerful Chick-A-Dee

New Friend:  It’s important to be around other people for stimulation, especially younger people because they know what’s going on.  After the grieving period, I tell them just say ‘yes’ when you are invited to do something whether you like it or not.  Also, start doing things. You can volunteer, join groups, go on hikes, play pickleball, and do things with single groups or political parties, if you want.  You are not too old.  There’s a surprising amount of fun and interesting and worthwhile things to do.  I belong to a dinner group who eats out once a month.  I don’t like to eat alone and, when people from out of town come see me, I like to know where to take them to eat.  Just Say “Yes!” and Friends

New Friend:  Stay away from “organ recitals!”  You know what I am talking about!   You ask, “How are you, my dear?” and your friend immediately goes into medical woes – treatments, doctors, nurses, medications, etc.  Before you know it, you don’t feel well either.  I think it is much healthier to focus on doing positive things with your life than focusing on your physical cares.  Health, Docs and Pills

New Friend:  At this stage in life, you can be and do anything you want.  If that furniture reeks of memories from days gone by, get rid of it and don’t be surprised when your kids don’t want it.  Live where you want to live and surround yourself with furnishings that bring you joy, ones that do not exude obligation and responsibility from people who are not even on this earth anymore.  You know the old saying, “possessed by our possessions.”  I say do it while you can.  Ask your kids if they want stuff and if they don’t, get rid of it! Maybe one of your friends might like what you are getting rid of.  How cool to give an old treasure to a friend. No New Year’s Resolutions at This Age — Just a Bucketful of Dreams

New Friend: Just think!  You can get up whenever you want and go to bed whenever you want.  Pamper yourself.  Try new things.  You may enjoy pottery or hiking or 4-wheeling.  Who knows?  I think experiences are more important than things. Relax, Release, Surrender

Go girl!  It’s not over until it is over!

Copyright – Elizabeth J. Wheeler, July, 14, 2018