Ladies of a Certain Age ~ for those invisible powerful, dynamic, vital women

I can change a light bulb – handle my personal bookkeeping – unplug a toilet – check the fluids in my car – trim bushes – plan trip routes – install a new plug for my vacuum cleaner – shovel a foot of snow – assemble a fire pit – and do my own taxes.

I never wanted to learn how to do any of these things.

My mother and my grandmother, who both grew up in the same large Colorado town, never did these things.  These tasks were for men.  They believed men were stronger, did not mind cold or dirt, and just knew how to repair or build things. (Maybe, this would have been different if they grew up on a farm.)

At age 46, when I finally extricated myself from a marriage of over a quarter of a century, I was faced with the taunting task of learning how to do all of these things.  (This was a number of years before Google and UTube. Some of my resources then included: “The Unhandy Woman’s Guide to Home Repair,” which I bought for 35 cents at King Soopers, “The Reader’s Digest Complete Do-It-Yourself Manual,” which I brought back from cleaning out the garage of my deceased father-in-law, my Volvo’s service manual, Quicken, which had just come out, “A Woman’s Guide to Home Repairs,” a great class taught at Colorado Free University, and in the past couple of years I have used Turbo Tax.)

I know husbands (and significant others in today’s world) can be wonderful things; but, I have also come to understand how detrimental they can be to ladies-of-a-certain-age.  Many of the married women I know do not have these home repair, car maintenance, and personal financial management skills and knowledge nor do they understand the benefits of knowing how to do these “unsavory male things.”

Statistics show that we ladies-of-a-certain-age are likely to outlive the men in our age group, and while, the men are alive, the women are often healthier than their male partners. So it is likely we will be forced into learning home and car maintenance and personal finances, or finding someone to do these things for us. (And, how will we know if they are doing a good or fair job if we do not know how to do them?)  I shudder when a woman tells me she doesn’t know where the main water shut off valve is in her home or what investments she has.

I shudder because I think she is in a vulnerable position. Having to learn these things while going through the grief process (from death or divorce,) is not the ideal time to learn.

I have known women who have remarried to obtain a “handyman” and/or a bookkeeper.  I wanted to shake them.  Inevitably, they paid dearly for these “services,” with their happiness and personal freedom. Also, I know married women who take it upon themselves to learn these skills now while their husbands are still alive.  One woman told me she was glad to relieve her husband of some of these “duties.” Another retired woman told me that when she and her husband drive some place, he drives there and she drives back home, or vice versa, because she does not want to lose some of her driving skills.

No, I never wanted to learn how to use a toilet plunger or a power screwdriver. But, I can tell you I have found great pleasure and gained some personal pride when I have repaired or built something.  Also – I do have a handyman list now- and when I don’t want these “personal growth adventures” or mind spending a few dollars, I call one of them.  That might be a subject of another blog – how to find handymen who are trustworthy