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The eighty-year-old-woman bounded towards the chalkboard, grabbed a piece of chalk, and started making concentric circles.
“Okay, class. Please make the same drawing in your notebooks. ,” Dr. Elinor Miller Greenberg, instructed the students in her large class “Challenges for Women Over 60,” on a sunny October 2012 afternoon.
After a few moments, she said, “These circles represent the anchors in your life. Over time they will change significantly, and in the latter third of your life, they will become even more important to you.”
Ellie caught my attention that day. I always thought once I got to this age few things and people would change. Not so, she told us. In essence, people come, people go, people die, people grow away from each other, move, etc. I remember, in particular, her talking about as we age the importance of the “Fifth Circle.”
So, for a little fun and contemplation, dear reader, you might want to draw your very own “Anchors in Life Circle.” I will share with you the secrets I learned that day about the hallowed Fifth Circle.
The First Circle
In the very center of the concentric circle is the first sphere. Write in this space, your name. That’s right. You are the center of your very own universe.
The Second Circle
In the next circle, write the name of your spouse or significant other if you have one.
The Third Circle
In this circle, write the names of your family members.
The Fourth Circle
Jot down the names of all of your friends here.
The Fifth Circle
The people listed in this circle provide you with essential services if you will. My circle included:
Shannon, the man who mowed my lawn; Greg, my handyman; Michael, hairstylist extraordinaire, Lori, our beloved pet sitter, etc.
Other Circles
Fill in these circles if these are appropriate for you: Ministerial (church); Therapeutic (medical people); Co-workers, etc.
The Importance of the Fifth Circle
Ellie explained that the people in this circle often become extraordinary people to women in the latter third of life. Reasons for this include: Number of single female heads of households, which increase as we age; families live in different geographic areas, and friends may move, become ill, die or pursue other interests. Consequently, it is not uncommon for people listed in the fifth circle to be more consistent in your life.
It never dawned on me until I took Ellie’s class how long I had known some of the people listed in my fifth circle. Over the years, I had gotten to know about their personal lives. We shared many challenges and had lots and lots of laughs. Those closest to me – my daughters and close friends – might not even know how special they are or how to get in touch with them if I was no longer able to care for myself.
The Challenges of Replacing the Fifth Circle
Four years or so after I took Ellie’s class, I moved across the state to the Western Slope of Colorado. Soon after, my hair needed cutting, the lawn at my house grew long, and my dog and cat required care. Of course, Shannon was not going to drive 250 miles to take care of the lawn, and Greg wasn’t going to leave his family to come to hang stuff for me.
Since many ladies-of-a-certain-age move in the latter third of life, I am sharing how I found help in my new city.
Today I have these “essential workers” in my life. Here is a partial listing of how I found help:
Veterinarian – my friend Jeanne recommended her vet, a woman who has taken loving care of Bonnie and Katie
Handyman –I found a good one through Nextdoor.com, an intranet service that connects neighbors in cities across the country
Hair Stylist– Oh, my – this was hard! I went through two before I found “the one.” I asked new friends, clerks in stores whose hair I liked, and a woman in a class I took. The first two did a nice job, but I felt like “My Aunt Jo,” my mother’s sister-in-law. She had beautiful white poufy hair, actually a style that is very popular for ladies-of-a-certain-age now. But, I am not a “poufy girl.” I like my hair straight and easy. I knew I “found my gal” when I came home and did not immediately wash my hair.
Lawn Service – Let’s just say I finally got to the point where I jotted down names and phone numbers from trucks I saw in my neighborhood. It worked. I am pleased with my current service I went through a company who “came when they wanted to,” a mower which I think had addiction problems, the most prominent business in the area, but they mowed my flowers down.
All of these people deemed “essential workers” by the state of Colorado worked during our shut-down. I am so grateful to each one of them.
Copyright – Elizabeth J. Wheeler, August 10, 2020
