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Last month I announced I was writing a new book entitled, “Paths – A Primer for Ladies-of-a-Certain Age,” tentatively to be published this autumn. It occurred to me after writing almost 100 ladies-of-a-certain-age blog posts that it might be helpful for women, just starting to recognize themselves as older, if I wrote a simple workbook, a primer as school books used to be called, about this time of life. Also, since I have gotten stuck many times on this path of a lady-of-a-certain-age, it could be beneficial for others to review this material in an attempt to find the way again.
The book is starting to take shape! I am quite excited about it. For the next several months – except for March – I will cover the gist of each of the six chapters that address the most important questions that come up at this time of life:
1. Who am I now?
2. What lies ahead?
3. How do I deal with physical changes?
4. Where does money come into all of this?
5. Why and when I may need different housing?
6. Will I have a purpose?
Each chapter will have helpful, practical hints and – of all things! – suggested homework, fun and insightful. A helpful reading section will be provided. The primer could be used individually or in a group setting. You will be able to purchase the book, either in paperback or kindle editions, on Amazon or a direct link from my site, www.ladiesofacertainage.com.
Of course, in March, I will report on the latest spring fashion trends for ladies-of-a-certain-age!
So, what lies ahead? Before we start, it is important to define who is a lady-of-a-certain-age in American society. I call her a Boomer Babe! Within this boomer description, there are really two categories of women.
The experience for those women born between 1946 and 1954 and those between 1955 and 1964 varies. Life for the second group accelerated because of the ever increasing change in American society due to technology, medical breakthroughs, and the feminist liberation movement.
For example, the first group of women often recalls with joy the day their family got a black and white television set and the second group has a hard time remembering black and white television shows and just having one television in the house. Likewise, the first group of women giggles when they remember the family telephone party line, and the second group remember either themselves or their lucky friends having a pink princess phone in their bedrooms.
The Boomer Babe went from learning how to type on a manual (the first group) or a Selectric (second group) typewriter, to wearing on her wrist an Apple Watch, a computer a zillion times more powerful than the first gargantuan one she encountered in college.
Generally speaking, she is no longer working, her family lives far away, and her marital situation had changed. But, her life continues. No wonder the lady-of-a-certain-age is invisible.
Frankly, American society doesn’t know what to do with her. She has bucks, brains and tons of talent and experience. Amazingly, some Boomer Babes are achieving the epitome of power as presidential candidates, senators and representatives and even an anchor and managing editor of a national nightly news show.
America is getting an inkling that she is a force to be recognized.
Boomer Babes are at a crossroads in their lives. Where do they go from here? Which path should they take? They don’t want to stagnant, but how do they rejuvenate?
It is important to note the general belief in American society is this final bit of life is when women shrivel up and fade away. “Grandma stays home all day, watches television, complains about her aches and pains and eats cereal.” That might be true for some woman, but not all. In fact many women find this time period in their life the most active and creative period because they do not have the responsibilities inherent in other life phases. Good ol’ Grandma Moses, Anna Mary Robertson Moses, is often cited as the perfect example who explored her creativity as a lady-of-a-certain-age and began painting in earnest at the age of 78.
When this stage of our life starts, being tired, not knowing what to do, feeling blah are common feelings Author Melody Beattie calls times like these “The in-between places or the void It is an uncomfortable place because one part of our life stops or changes dramatically, and we don’t know what to do now. She talks about appreciating these times in our lives because they eventually will illuminate the clues to the path ahead. Many times in my life her explanation of this time was exactly what I needed to read.
It is so tempting when we are in this gray zone to get busy – play golf every day, sign up for every volunteer opportunity that comes are way, babysit grandchildren night and day, It is tempting because this busyness keeps us from experiencing this uncomfortable place. Sitting in this place and these feelings, is not pleasant. But somehow, magically the sun comes up and suddenly there is a trail ahead that seems so alluring, it calls your name, and you know it is where you need to go.
Elinor Greenberg talks of rejuvenation and uses other “R” words such as reinvention, redefinition and resurgence. The title of the book she wrote with Fay Wadsworth Whitney, “A Time of Our Own”, succinctly defines this period of life.
Looking at the final third of life can be so depressing. Instead of putting our head in the sand, and just accept our fate, we can identify what probably lies ahead and make prudent decisions – Make the best of it. Yet, looking at the final third of life can be so accelerating. We can truly dream and decide what we need to do to make them come true.
In the coming years there will be physical, financial, relationship and mental changes. My book does not profess any specific course of action. Rather, each woman is encouraged to do her own research and make up her own mind what is best for her. Just because the doctor says, just because my husband says, just because my daughter says or just because you-name-it, is no reason that any lady-of-a-certain-age has to do what they say you have to do or ought to do.
Unlike our male counterparts we are able to rely on a source that has given us help, encouragement and companionship all of our lives. This resource is called “our girlfriends.” Women have consulted and worked with other women throughout the ages. They were there to help us make quilts, process the corn, make war bandages and assist with births. Women know how to cooperate. We are comparative not competitive by nature. So it is only natural as our life changes that we gravitate towards our friends for help and compassion. Our men, on the other hand have been focused on making a living. When they retire, their main purpose and social group are gone. When women leave the workforce, they just shift their energies to new endeavors and know other women have been down this path and will help them.
Since ladies-of-a-certain-age often don’t receive valentines, this is the perfect month to do something special for your friends.
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Copyright – Elizabeth J. Wheeler February 2. 2020
