Ladies of a Certain Age ~ for those invisible powerful, dynamic, vital women

No doubt about it!  I am an old lady in America.  I don’t like it one bit!

That’s the reason I started writing in 2013 a blog for those invisible, powerful, dynamic women, Ladies-of-a-Certain Age.

Over the years I have written about many subjects of concern and interest to this large group of women, who have changed our culture so dramatically.

No, I don’t like how I have been so dismissed in our society.  However, last month I became painfully aware of how I might be contributing – even encouraging – the behavior of younger people to do just that.

I knew something was bothering me when I got home from vacation.  I could not put my finger on what exactly was bothering me until I had an experience with Evelyn at a dinner for women.  Evelyn in pushing 100-years-old is blind and walks with a cane.  She is highly respected in the town where I live because of all the cultural work she accomplished after she retired!

Evelyn was nearing the end of the buffet line.  She was balancing her cane, a plate and a glass.  I said to her, “May I help you to your seat, Evelyn?” “No, dear. Thank you I can manage myself,” she replied as she tottered back to her seat.

After dinner, her friend who brought her to the dinner explained to me that Evelyn likes to do things for herself because that is what keeps her strong.

I knew in an instant what had been bothering me.  All through my trip, I had had to defend myself as an older woman who can still do for herself.  I don’t know how many times I had said, “Thank you for offering to carry my suitcase; but, I can get it.  In fact, it is good for me.”  I believe most of the people who offered were doing it out of kindness and a societal expectation that older women are weak and frail.  After telling one person several times, “I can get it for myself,” I began to wonder if it was some sort of form of control or an attempt to diminish me.

I started observing younger people – mostly women – stating about an older companion in a public venue, “Oh, she can’t eat that because ______ or she’s had a knee replacement or a heart attack.”  The companion inevitably cringes, and then just gives in.

Since I am a vegetarian, I can relate to this.  I don’t know why people take it upon themselves to announce to the world my eating preferences!  So far, I have not starved to death and many people don’t even know I don’t eat “anything with eyes, except for potatoes.”

Thank you.  I can take care of myself and don’t need to be monitored or reported on. It will only make me weaker.  If I need help, I can ask.

But, it is so easy just to grin and bear it.  Be nice.  On one plane, I had had enough when someone automatically reached for my suitcase to put it in the overhead compartment.  I remember saying, “Thank you.  I can get it myself. I’m pretty good at doing planks, sit ups, and hiking mountains.”   I said it “oh, so nicely!”  I think they got the point I wasn’t a weakling.  Actually, many of the people that grabbed for my suitcase appeared not to be in very good physical shape!

On my last plane home, a young woman said to me as I started lifting my suitcase to put in the overhead compartment, “May I help you with that?”  I said, “Well, I might need some help.  Let me try first.” I did try.  It was the fourth plane I was on that day and the suitcase seemed to have gotten really heavy.  I turned to her and said, “Yes.  I would like some help. Thank you.”  We both smiled.  I did not feel demeaned

I knew that she did not automatically assume this gray haired granny couldn’t take care of herself.

Copyright November 16, 2018