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Wonder what happened to your zip and drive. You feel sluggish. You have no energy, and a nice nap sounds wonderful.
These are common feelings for older women when life changes for various reasons, such as approaching retirement or when“golden days,” your dreams for retirement, have all been achieved.
I sure can relate, and I don’t like that feeling one bit!
Now what? We ask ourselves as ladies of a certain age.
We didn’t want to get old. We didn’t want our life to change. So we never thought we would complete everything on our bucket list. Indeed, we never thought we would be staring out the window, wondering why we were so tired.
We ponder why people treat us differently now and why the future looks rather dismal.
Did I mention fears? I’m not talking about slowly rising fears, but worries that suddenly appear in our rearview mirror from nowhere and pick us up like a whooshing wind as they zoom by.
Speed Bumps Are Meant To Slow Us Down
Geez, I hate these feelings and these times! (I even hate writing about them!)
I feel better when I remember the words of Melody Beattie, an international best-selling author. “Embrace the void. This wonderful in-between place holds the keys to all creation.”
She describes it as an in-between time when one door has closed and another hasn’t opened. I would add this powerful little word after “opened”—yet!
It helps, too, when I remember I have been in “the void” in the past and made it through these dark gray times in my life.
Another personal aid comes when I think about how I live in a culture that historically has not valued older women and believes them to be feeble, shriveling elderly females.
Then, I remind myself that the generally held belief is that American women have come a long way, baby. We are pioneers in our own right, doing the exhausting work of building roads for female travelers where none existed before.
Being in “the void” is a time of renewal and rejuvenation. A time for personal servicing, like getting a full-service job for our car, getting our oil changed, tires checked, batteries evaluated, etc., for our needs for future performance.
Yes. This time—like speed bumps in the road—is designed to slow us down. We are in a refueling process.
So—a little nap, anyone?
Road Ahead Alerts
I’m fortunate. In the state where I live, Colorado, the Department of Transportation offers an app to get alerts and notifications. I use it often in my journeys to and from across the state.
While I can’t offer you an app for the drive ahead, I can suggest a road atlas, if you will, that was initially given to me by the late Dr. Elenor Greenberg, a member of the Women’s Colorado Hall of Fame. It is a chart you can use to determine where your life is headed.
Here’s how it works.
Draw five columns. Label the first column, area of life; the second column, 60-70 age; the third column, 70-80 age; the fourth column, 80-90 age; and the fifth column, 90+ age.
Under the first column, label these: Family, health, wealth, work, relationships, housing, dreams, travel, sports, and hobbies.
Now, depending on your age range, fill in what you expect to happen in the coming years for each area of your life.
I wrote several things in the 70-80 age column. Under family, grandchildren grow up and graduate high school and college. Under health, a healthy exercise routine, good nutrition, and adequate sleep are essential. Under work, continue to write daily and seek education on skills and technology.
Take a deep breath and put the chart away for a while.
Like the transportation alerts and notifications, I receive from the travel app, some trepidation, fears, and anxiety may cause you to grip your wheel.
After a while, take the completed chart out. If you’re like me, fear and resentment will undoubtedly fly into your thoughts like mosquitoes bombarding your skin on a summer evening! It’s bound to happen when you look at each row in our chart.
Several years ago, a good friend gave me advice and a technique to deal with this situation. First, she told me to identify the worry by clearly defining what was bothering me. Then, jot down how this situation affects me socially, economically, or as an older woman. Next, to gain clarity on what I might or might not do about the situation, ask these questions:
Where might I have caused harm to myself or others?
What can I do differently?
What is the worst that can happen?
What do I gain from this, my “payoff?”
What can I do to protect myself?
What do I deserve if I am “good enough?”
Which Road Map Will You Choose?
Maybe, by now, you’re getting a “little itchy” to get going again. But you have an idea of where you want to go and a plan to handle any potholes (fears).
I hate to tell you this, but you and you alone get to decide what route to take.
You may decide to go down the traditional path of an older woman in America; that’s your right.
Have fun and safe travels!
On the other hand, you may decide, like I did, to go on a different highway. Because our country needs older women for their wisdom and accumulated knowledge more than ever, we must keep working to promote our values. There is unfinished business that we started in the 1970s, even though younger women have reaped the benefits of what we gained during those times.
In my first blog in 2013, I stated that I did not like becoming invisible after a certain age. Call it arrogant if you want, but who I was up to that point and what I had done mattered. Even if I was becoming wrinkled and gray-haired, I had much to contribute.
Of course, every step, mile if you will, has met with resistance because older women are generally not seen as leaders. Any surprise?
I wonder what’s around the bend. But, if you want, come along, and we’ll find out.
Note: Any company or organization does not financially support this blog.
Copyright – Elizabeth J. Wheeler, May 11, 2023
