Ladies of a Certain Age ~ for those invisible powerful, dynamic, vital women

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Last month, I shared in my post, “Insights When Life Throws You Curve Ball,  that my everyday active life had come to a screeching halt because of a health condition known as sciatica, and I was undergoing further medical tests.  These procedures showed a severe illness, a fractured vertebra caused by osteoporosis. 

I have had this condition for years and took the recommended preventive measures.  In the past, if this had happened, I would probably be confined to a wheelchair and assisted living. Fortunately, a new drug that builds—not just preserves—bones is available. It requires a daily injection and careful monitoring.  

Since my health has become a top priority, I am working on providing you with motivational and inspirational information with the time I now have.  In December, I will let you know what that includes and provide you with a means of getting resources and news you can use as ladies of a certain age, those invisible, powerful, dynamic women. 

For now, I am  providing you with a slightly revised blog I wrote in 2017 entitled “A Box of Joy.” It is a powerful message for us today, no matter what we are dealing with.

A Box Of Joy

Just picture this: In the balcony of a historic theater, eight screaming, gyrating ladies of a certain age, whirling in the air above their heads, glow sticks, smiling, giggling, little kids staring at them while their parents grinned.  Got the picture?  What’s going on here?  Well, let me tell you, as one of those ladies swiveling her sticks, I can say to you I was honest-to-goodness elated at a family rock concert I attended in my town.  

It dawned on me that I genuinely felt happy: I felt joy!

The next morning, while I was having breakfast, I glanced out the window, and there was an incredibly and strikingly beautiful site:  My big (90 pounds, mind you!) beloved tan and black Airedale Terrier, named Bonnie Buttercup, sitting on the grass strew with yellow leaves from my neighbor’s cottonwood tree.  A golden light from the newly risen sun shone on her and the fallen leaves.  

I grabbed my phone to take her picture and rushed out the back door, wearing my lavender robe and red-plaid slippers, and snapped her picture.  This is no pun: It was a golden moment.

Scurrying back inside, I viewed the pictures I had just taken. Then, my finger slid over the phone, and I saw photos from the Fisher Towers hike I had taken a few days before.  The architecture of those rocks in eastern Utah is as fabulous as any manmade structures I have seen in my entire life.  

Later that day, when I was cleaning out one of my gardens, I came across three eggplants that had not perished in our mild frosts.  Then, I found a few red tomatoes and some basil.  I was ecstatic: I realized I could have one of my favorite dinners that night: fresh tomato sauce with eggplant on egg fettuccini.   

The following morning, while sitting at that same window drinking coffee and writing in my journal, which I do each day, I realized something astonishing was happening to me.  I had felt moments of ecstasy – pure, unaltered joy – for the past 48 hours.  “If only I could capture it!” I thought.  I knew I couldn’t, but then I thought, “I could put these happy memories in a box.  Yes, it is one of those special boxes that have served me well over the years. “

Maybe 30 years ago or so, someone suggested getting a God Box. The purpose of such a container was to hold pieces of paper with the enormous perplexing problems written on them that I had been unable to resolve.  “Perhaps a power greater than yourself could solve them for you, Elizabeth, if you would just let go,” this friend told me.  I got a little box and decoratively painted it inside and out.  On the underside of the lid, I wrote, “Let go and let God.”  I still use that box today.  Many of my problems stored in that box have been fixed without my help, and many of the issues I have just learned to live with.  

Several years later, another friend told me she had a slightly different type of box, A Joy Box.  To her amazement, she kept slips of paper with notes on them about her colossal concerns that had been taken care of.  “I look in this box, Elizabeth, whenever I think nothing will ever happen or nothing good will ever happen.  The memories remind me that things can and do work out, particularly when I get out of my way.” 

How many times, I reflected, have I felt I was doomed?  Then, I remembered some of these contemplations had turned out great.  I bought a pretty little green box lined in velvet several days later.  When I feel overwhelmed or even in despair, I rush to that box, pull out one of the many slips of paper, and read it. The Box of Joy holds my unique jewels, brilliant gems I can look at whenever life is dull or downright ugly.  

Copyright – Elizabeth J. Wheeler – November 1, 2023

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I couldn’t believe this was happening to me. The pain told me I wasn’t delusional. 

The throbbing running up and down my leg hurt. It is a real pain in the butt, literally. 

My everyday active life has come to a screeching halt.

I am sharing with you my experience because several things I had in my life and cupboards were helpful when this came to be.  Also, I am communicating insights I gained from “this lovely experience” because the probability of something physically happening to us increases as we age. 

First, I have developed a severe case of sciatica, which is not easy to diagnose. It can happen at any age but does increase when you are older.  I think it happened because I went on an easy hike of about four miles on July 4. I have not walked that far in months. The next day, my hips hurt, and I felt like they were out of gear. 

 Often, sciatica goes away in time. Mine went away a little, and then I played some pickleball games in mid-July. It got worse and worse. One Sunday in August, I could not stand upright, and my neighbor took me to the emergency room. I followed up with a visit to my doctor.  As of this writing, some days I can walk upright, and others I can’t. 

Yes, more tests are scheduled. But the purpose of this blog is to share with you what I had in my house that helped and what I have learned when I am no longer able to grocery shop, drive, change the sheets on my bed, water plants, and feed the birds, take the dog for a walk,  or attend a fabulous party.  

Food

Thank goodness for the can of soup and box of cheese and mac in my cupboard.

Obtaining food has been challenging.  When I could drive, I used the pick-up service at Safeway. (In my community, that is the name for this store, even though they are owned by Albertson’s.) I have no financial connection to Safeway. I find them easier to work with than Kroegers.  Safeway food delivery was a disaster when I couldn’t drive because they use an outside service.  Safeway did connect me with DoorDash, which I knew little about, and associated the company with COVID-19.  My favorite store is a long way from my house. I need to investigate what they offer for delivery. I miss the organic food, veggies, and my favorite ice cream.  My best solution is to place a store order and have a friend, neighbor, or family member pick it up for me.

Drive My Car

I feel comfortable driving when the pain is gone, and the trip distance is minimal. I do not take my dog with me because if something happens, I cannot care for her. Suddenly, it is a big deal to go to the ATM, pet store, hardware store, etc. Friends and neighbors help. I make donations to their favorite charity in their name since they refuse compensation. 

Change the Sheets on My Bed

I have found a cleaning service that comes in to do this and other household chores, such as vacuuming and cleaning the bathroom and kitchen. Fortunately, I can pay using a  Venmo account instead of my scarce cash. 

Water Indoor and Outdoor Plants and Feed the Birds

A petsitter I have used for years comes over to take care of these items one hour after getting off work from her job. She does these activities when I am gone and knows how to do them.  I pay her with Venmo and so appreciate her help and companionship. 

Take the Dog for a Walk

Our wonderful neighbor comes over most days at 8 a.m. to walk my dog, Dolly; I donated to a pet rescue organization in his and his wife’s name.

Attend a Wonderful Party

Oh, I so wanted to go to this annual party. I had to text and let them know I could not come. It is hard not to do my usual social activities.  Several friends have stopped by for a visit. Their companionship is invigorating. I use Facebook for contact with friends. 

Insights and Benefits

I’ve had time to assess how I want to spend my time. The beauty of nature is fantastic. I take time to watch the leaves change color. My mother’s words came to me, “When life gets tough, put your lipstick on!” 

Note: Any company or organization does not financially support this blog.

Copyright – Elizabeth J. Wheeler, September 22, 2023

Before falling (sic) into the Fall Fashion Report 2023,  I want you to know that I receive no financial compensation for any of my blog posts, including the bi-yearly fashion reports. 

Please note: My information comes from many sources, such as fashion magazines, websites, retailers, and various news outlets. I always visit Target because I have found them to be a beacon of fashion styles with numerous locations where readers reside and reasonably priced apparel in big communities and small.

I do not report all fashion trends, only those that appeal to women aged 55+. For example, in this report, I am leaving out see-through fabrics, nipple-showing tops, and high heels that resemble a snake walking.  

So, what does this report cover? I start with the four fundamentals — cornerstones, if you will — to be forever fashionable: Color, fashion personality, budget, and body appearance – positive body accentuation or camouflage! Then, I summarize this season’s fashion trends, and finally, as an example of how to use these fundamentals, I reveal (like the good mystery writer I am) what’s in my closet.

Four  Fashion Fundamentals

If you follow these, you will always look stylish, be comfortable in your appearance, and know that you are financially prudent in your decisions.  

Fundamental No. 1 – Color

You can skip to the this fundamental if you already know your color palette, which is referred to as a season. The information first appeared in the 1987 book Color Me Beautiful by Carole Jackson. She defined four distinct color palettes and named them after the year’s seasons: spring, summer, fall, and winter. A person’s seasonal palette does not change with age: for example, once a Winter, always a Winter. It is not required that you like all the colors in your palette. 

To find your colors, click on palette and have fun finding yours. We all have specific colors that complement our skin, hair, and eyes. These colors naturally make us look and feel better. Consider carrying a swatch packet of the colors or a digital download on your phone.

Even if you wear a costly outfit, the fashion won’t enhance your appearance if it is the wrong color. We’ve all been jarred when we see someone wearing an unbecoming color next to their face. For example, a common belief is that black will make you look rich no matter what you wear. Not true. Only the appearance of those with a Winter palette will be enhanced with this color. 

Fundamental No. 2 – Fashion Personality

What is your fashion personality? There are seven predominant ones. Once you know your fashion personality, you can quickly determine which new trends will work for you. If you don’t remember your fashion personality, take this quiz.  

Fundamental No. 3 – Budget 

This is the practical dollar and cents fundamental. It has three parts:  a. Do you know what is already in your closet? b. Do you need clothes for a particular reason? c. What is your budget? Like most women our age, you probably have lots of clothes. Maybe you don’t need or want any, or perhaps you do. This fundamental leaves the decision and consequences up to you. 

After you read this report, look in your closet and calendar to see what is necessary to buy now.

Fundamental No. 4 – Body Appearance 

Perhaps you remember hearing the World War II  song, “Ac-Cent-Tchu-Ate the Positive,” by Bing Crosby and The Andrew Sisters and other performers. Part of the lyrics describe this fundamental:

You’ve got to accentuate the positive

Eliminate the negative

And latch on to the affirmative

In the fashion world, you accentuate your positive physical characteristics, perhaps your eyes, hair, and leg shape, and camouflage the not-so-good ones:  for example, baggy underarm skin, a thick waist, or big hips. Pinterest is a good source for information on various anatomy challenges and structures and how to enhance or negate them.

On with the Fall 2023 Fashion Report 

This quote from Elle Magazine sums up the Fall 2023 Fashion Report.

It’s official: after months and months of come-and-go trends, wardrobe basics and uniform dressing are officially back. Gucci’s runway felt unexpected when models walked in classic button-down shirts, oversized blazers, and wide-leg jeans. But the label wasn’t the only one to showcase beautiful staples. We saw them at The Row, Prada, Dior, and Bottega Veneta. Just looking at that list alone should tell you that the fashion industry is veering towards the ordinary, also known as nouveau normcore.

Now, here’s my take on fashion for ladies of a certain age:

Color

The Pantone Institute determines the top colors for clothes and products each season, including paint and appliances. Below is a list of the 2023 fall and winter colors I have summarized for you. Click on the above link for a description and the actual names of their colors.

Soft tan

Bright magenta

Dark red

Dark fuchsia

Lapis

Orange

Bright yellow

Soft green

Sienna

Yellow-green

Milky white

Dark brown

Vivid tan

Bluish black

Silver

Fashion Trends

Color—

Red! and bright colors (see above for specific colors)

Pants—

Goodbye, slim-cut pants

Goodbye, jeggings

Hello, flared  and straight-leg pants and jeans

No corduroy for pants or jackets or anything else

Tops–Jackets–Outerwear—

White shirt

Goodbye, long tops

Top hip-length shirts and tops 

A touch of lace

Tailored thigh-length jacket with front pockets

Just below the waist tailored jacket with front pockets

Thigh-length cardigan sweater with front pockets

Goodbye, blue jean jacket

Leather jackets

Wool coats with shearling trim

Goodbye, puffer coats and vests

Hello, padded (down or otherwise) coats and vests

Accessories and Jewelry—

Scarves

Big, bold metal earrings

Broaches

Charms

Bead and pearl necklaces

Petrified wood jewelry

Purses—

Red purses

Traditional purse styles

Shoes—

Sandals (Yep! I think this reflects our changing climate)

Leather loafers

Small heeled boots

Sneakers

Clogs

Low heeled boots

Goodbye, Maryjanes

Hair and Makeup—

Long hair out

Classic haircuts in

Bobs of all descriptions in

Ponytails (We still love our Barbies!)

Red lipstick

Light makeup – brows and lashes natural

Shear nail color

What’s in my closet

I use the “Four Fashion Fundamentals” to plan my wardrobe each season. They have saved me loads of money and frustration over the years.

Fundamental One:  Color

I’m in the winter season. Many of my favorite colors are popular now. These include Bright magenta, dark red, fuchsia, milky white, bluish-black, and silver. Dark brown is popular too, but I don’t like wearing it. This fall, I’ll wear clothes I have in the colors I like. 

Fundamental Two: Fashion Personality

I’m such a lucky duck because simple tailored clothes are in. These reflect my casual, classic fashion personality precisely. I will be aware of my accessories because this personality type’s number one concern is that it can look boring! 

Fundamental Three: Budget

“Mostly, I need clothes for pickleball, gardening, relaxed times with friends, and yoga. The only special occasions on my calendar are informal holiday affairs and visiting my family in a small community like mine. I’m “a blue jean baby” and often wear denim. I bought a red purse with a shoulder strap that I found at a thrift store because I loved it and could afford it!

Fundamental Four: Body Appearance

My eyes and long legs are my best features. I am mindful about drawing attention to the scoliosis in my back and saggy skin on my arms. Also, as a petite woman, I am aware of proportion and color pairing.

I live in a small town in Western Colorado. Like many retirees, I moved away from a big city. What’s in my closet reflects the laid-back lifestyle of my community. 

Fashion

Pants –

“A blue jean baby,” the jeans I have will work.

My black ankle-length, pull-on knit pants are getting worn. I’m looking for another pair.

Tops, Jackets, Outerwear –

I have a white shirt and several tops with mid-arm length sleeves that reach the top of my hips. This sleeve length covers my saggy skin and is warm enough in the high country desert where I live.

I am buying three long-sleeved round-neck cashmere sweaters in magenta, gray, and red. I love the natural fabric; it keeps me comfortable in fall, winter, and early spring.

Accessories and Jewelry –

I have one silk scarf with pink and red and other colors. It will work when I wear a pink-hued top and a red purse. I want to find a scarf of a different fabric than silk.

I am looking for a necklace with magenta and red beads

I have lots of brooches and big metal earrings

Purses –

I have traditional gray and black purses that would work just fine. I did find that darling red purse with a shoulder strap at a thrift store and bought it!

Shoes –

I have boots, loafers and sandals. I want to replace the purple fur-lined clogs I have worn out.

Hair and Makeup –

My mid-length bob works great. I put the front section behind my ears. 

I wear less and less eye makeup because a couple of years ago, I harmed my eyes with eyeliner and mascara. I wear a simple navy eyeshadow and only one coat of brown-black mascara. 

Red lip gloss goes well with my colors, and I dab some of this gloss on my cheeks for blush. 

I like wearing sheer nail polish because chips never show.

There you go, ladies. Use these four fundamentals, and you will always be fashionable!

Copyright – Elizabeth J. Wheeler, August 28, 2023

 A revised edition of my book Paths – A Primer for Ladies-of-a-Certain-Age. A Workbook for the Road Ahead is now available in paperback and hardcopy.

My book explores where ladies of a certain age often feel invisible and examines ways to redefine our role in society. It probes six crucial components of the latter third of life:

1. Who am I now?
2. What lies ahead?
3. How do I deal with health issues?
4. Where does the money come into all of this?
5. Why and when may I need different housing?
6. Will I have a purpose?

And, just in time, I might add. Across the country, the largest group of women ever (!) are entering their retirement years. Here in my state, Colorado, over 440,000 women are beginning this new stage of life. A sampling of numbers from states in various parts of the country include:

• Maryland 515,000
• Ohio 104,000
• Georgia 828,500
• Idaho 156,000

A lovely surprise arrived in my mailbox a couple of weeks ago: the proof copy of the hardcover edition of the book. I thought what a beautiful and thoughtful gift it would be. Then, I thought, Elizabeth, this would make a precious journal for anyone.  

Another surprise for me was reviewing each exercise (yes, ” homework ” is in each chapter). I found them beneficial and intriguing, and, at 76, I am long past retiring. If you are 70 or older, you may find this book helpful as well.

Please help me spread the word about Paths – A Primer for Ladies-of-a-Certain-Age. A Workbook for the Road Ahead. This book is one of the few retirement books a woman wrote and looks at additional components of life besides money and health. Consider bringing a group of friends together to review the book over time. Women have cooperatively learned from each other throughout the ages and accomplished many tasks.  

Copyright – Elizabeth J. Wheeler, August 25, 2023

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The Boomer Generation is defined as those born between 1946 to 1964. Most readers are of this generation, as I am. I call us Boomer Babes. Growing up, our lives were vastly different than our mothers. (And our daughters and granddaughters and great-granddaughters, I might add!) Further, women born between 1946 and 1954 experienced a different world from those born from 1955 to 1964 because of rapid technological change, medical breakthroughs, and the women’s movement.

The big thing we share at each stage of our lives, we have done the work of tearing down the stereotypes of women having no or little value to society and gaining our right of equality with men. 

“We had hoped that as we are going through or approaching retirement, we would not have to continue this work. Unfortunately, the prejudice against older women (Boomer Generation and The”Greatest Generation”)  is tremendous, and our work is not done! In our senior years, we become invisible and have no value (except for a few, such as pharmaceutical companies, etc.)

Let’s look at these two groups of Boomer women and their experiences growing up, as adults, and now as older women facing the daunting task of changing Americans’ perceptions and treatment of older women.  

A note to readers not of the Baby Boomer generation: Please keep reading. This information may help you understand more about the women in your lives today. 

A note to grammar and English language experts: I know you are not supposed to capitalize a specific generation. I choose to do so and refer to this generation’s women as Boomer Babes.  

A Brief Look Back to Years Following WWII (1946 to 1954) and How They Still Impact Our Perceptions and Behavior Today.

First, let’s stroll down memory lane so we can remember:

Many families joyfully got their first black and white television sets!  

Most moms did not work.

Mamie Doud Eisenhower, who loved the color pink, was First Lady. She grew up in Denver, Colorado, and was known as “Denver’s Darling.” Pink appliances, pink Christmas ornaments, pink poodles (yes, the dogs’ fur was dyed,) and pink-blooming crabapple trees were popular throughout the country. (A little commercial advertisement: Read  Murder and Pink Blossoms by yours truly to get more information and the recipe for Mamie’s fudge!)

“Probably there was one phone in the home, and it was on a “party line” That means several households shared the line. At our house, we got many calls in the middle of the night because a “baby doctor” shared our line. You knew when a call was for your house by the ring rhythm.

We played with baby dolls and paper dolls. Barbie, who? You might ask? 

Now, let’s identify common traits of this upbringing:

“Us Boomer Babes” follow orders”! After all, we were born right after the most significant war in our country up to that point. So, we are less likely to question anyone viewed in an authoritarian position, such as doctors, government officials, clergy, bosses, etc.”

Divorce rates are lower than the women born after 1954.

Technology is tough for us. After all, even typewriters were rarely present in our homes.

“Going on a vacation is still a”big deal.” Remember, the interstate highways were not built, and personal airline travel was unheard of.

If we play golf, we started to play later in life than younger women because women were often not allowed on golf courses! 

A Brief Look Back to Years 1955 to 1964 and How They Still Impact Our Perceptions and Behavior Today.

Let’s stroll down memory lane again so we can remember:

Those black and white televisions – well, maybe they were in the basement. Color TVs are what these Boomer Babes watched The Mickey Mouse Club on

Telephone party lines? Huh? Many households now had at least two phones. 

Families watched their favorite shows while eating those new TV dinners!

The frozen food section in grocery stores was added and filled.

Many families had two cars.

More and more women worked.

Divorce rates increased.

Now, let’s identify common traits of this upbringing:

These Boomer Babes question authority and stand up for what they believe. Some even burned their bras back then and participated in marches for civil rights.

Many are divorced.

Technology is challenging for both groups. These younger Boomer Babes were introduced to it at an earlier age. It became a part of life.

“Going on a vacation was no “big deal.” Remember, the interstate highways now zigzagged across the country, and airports mushroomed.

The Beatles, with their long hair, shocked American TV viewers like Elvis had before.

So What? Now What?

Well, guess what! The younger Boomer Babes are starting to retire or thinking about it. Men write most books about retirement and deal primarily with finances and health.  

We, as women, know there is more to any stage of life than finances and health. We know that now or very soon, we can explore creative endeavors without the commitment of employment and raising a family. We are part of one of the wealthiest segments of society. We have earned money, married it, inherited it, or all of the above. 

Throughout history, we have worked with other women, raising children, PTA assignments, work teams, etc. We work collaboratively, not competitively like men have most of their lives. 

We appreciate the work older Boomer friends have done. But there is still lots to do: After all, where are the gray-haired, wrinkled women models in the clothing industry? How about older women broadcasters and elected officials rarely seen, and why do elected female officials all seem to have dyed hair and wear high heels? 

As work and family responsibilities lessen, there will be more time to travel, drink coffee in the morning, play pickleball, etc.

But don’t be shocked when society ignores you, and you feel invisible. Life doesn’t have to be this way. We can re-evaluate the role of women by adding to the work already done by our”sisters” born shortly after World War II.

My purpose as an older Boomer Babe, now age 76, is to increase the image of ladies of a certain age – these invisible, powerful, and dynamic women. I know thousands and thousands of American women are entering this unique phase of life. Few have a clear-cut idea of what’s ahead. American society offers little support. 

“So, I say to the younger Boomer Babes, “Look out! You are becoming more and more invisible. Prepare yourself. Consider this coming autumn getting my soon-to-be-released newly revised book (paperback, hardcover, or ebook), Paths – A Primer for ladies-of-a-Certain-Age, A Workbook for the Road Ahead,  and go through it with a group of other women. As an older woman, you will not be blinded by the approaching glaring headlights on your road ahead.” 

Note: This blog is not financially supported by any company or organization.

Copyright – Elizabeth J. Wheeler, July 29, 2023

The importance of daily exercise has been a hard concept for many ladies of a certain age to grasp, let alone accept. Major healthcare organizations such as The American Heart Association, The American Cancer Society, and Alzheimer’s Association have published numerous studies that state the significance of exercise.  

But, if it has not been part of your life in the past, exercise is a hard thing to start, to get into, and to make it an essential part of each day. 

It’s impressive that you don’t have to do anything extreme to gain immense benefits from exercise. Yoga, stretching, walking, strength training, and other programs improve health and mood.

What I tell myself is, “Just do it, and no excuses.” 

“Just do it and no excuse” may sound dictatorial, and it doesn’t get at the immense effort to change lifelong habits.

You may find this quote in Meditations from the Mat: Daily Reflections on the Path of Yoga by Rolf Gates and Katrina Kenison to be a softer, more comfortable, and maybe more effective motivator because it gets at the basis of our resistance. Rolf writes, “If you are new to yoga, chances are you are wrestling not only with the postures but also with the judgments you pronounce on your efforts. But if you can commit to being a little easier on yourself, I am certain you will enjoy your practice more. If not, you may soon find yourself making all sorts of excuses to avoid practicing all together−it will become just too painful. When we opt out of experiences that challenge us, it’s usually because our pride is in the way. And”pride” is another word for fear−the fear of not being enough.”

If You Gotta Do It, Which Is the Best for You?

Another challenge with exercise is which exercise is best for you. Like many women, I have found yoga to be beneficial. It has been the choice of many people for thousands of years. You can take yoga classes in person, at community, recreation, or fitness centers, or in the comfort of your own home via Zoom and YouTube. Some courses are free, some aren’t, and the cost varies greatly.  

Here are some items to consider:

1. There are many different types of yoga. The words can be very confusing. Not every style is taught in every community. So, to pick, try sampling  (like ice cream) different types. I chose Iyengar because I have scoliosis and need exercise that will benefit, not harm my spine or neck. Alignment is essential so that you do not injure yourself. Careful guidance from an instructor who gives you personal adjustments is critical. This style of yoga is slowly paced, with lots of props for back, knees, shoulders, and feet issues, which helps to ensure the most benefit of this practice.

    2. Other styles of yoga are beneficial too. It just depends on your needs and what you like.

    3. Training for yoga instructors varies from a few weeks to many years. The more training your instructor has, the better that person is in a position to help you.

     4. Instructors can be of any age or sex. An instructor you feel comfortable working with is the best.

Stretching

The queen of stretching is Canadian Miranda Esmonde-White, born in 1949. Her PBS show,” Classical Stretch,” has been on television since 1999, and her Eccentrics classes are taught at many recreation and community centers and available online. 

Walking

For most, walking is the easiest of all exercises. The key is to walk daily for approximately 30 minutes each time. An excellent prop to keep you on task and schedule is a dog. It is essential to have a well-trained dog so you walk the dog, and the dog doesn’t walk you. This training is valuable when encountering a stray dog or one whose owner has no control over it. Be careful of retractable leashes. The leash can pull your shoulder out if your dog charges after something. In bad or icy weather, community and recreation centers or shopping centers are safe walking places, minus the dog.  

Strength Training

A little strength training each day goes a long way. Muscles start to decline after age 30, and bones weaken. Strength training helps both muscles and bones! Recreation, fitness, and community centers generally offer strength training for older people, and many YouTube videos are available online.  

I need a simple 15-minute workout at home three times a week because I have osteoporosis. I use five- and three-pound weights. Also, I do squats and wall planks. I have found that some good old rock ‘n’ roll music helps me get through these strength training exercises. It was amazing how weak my legs got after I moved from a two-story into a one-level house.    

Maybe Unmentionable, But Important  

And, ladies, I would be most remiss if I did not mention Kegel exercises. To remind myself, I do them at stop signs or stop lights. If I forget to do them for a while, I know.  

 Fun and Exercise!

Did I mention the SilverSneakers program? Many classes are offered in over 15,000 locations. It is accessible through select Medicare programs for adults 65 or over. If your plan does not cover SilverSneakers, you can still participate for a minimal cost.

And, then, there are all sorts of things to do for fun and exercise: swimming, hiking, snowshoeing, skiing, and my favorite, pickleball, the fastest-growing sport in America.  

Let’s do it, ladies!

Note: Any company or organization does not financially support this blog.

Copyright – Elizabeth J. Wheeler, June 20, 2023

(For advanced notice of this blog post, sign-up for my e-newsletter. The uncomplicated form is just below the About Information section on this website. You’ll get nutritious, easy recipes and news just for “us.”)

Wonder what happened to your zip and drive. You feel sluggish. You have no energy, and a nice nap sounds wonderful. 

These are common feelings for older women when life changes for various reasons, such as approaching retirement or when“golden days,” your dreams for retirement, have all been achieved. 

I sure can relate, and I don’t like that feeling one bit! 

Now what? We ask ourselves as ladies of a certain age. 

We didn’t want to get old. We didn’t want our life to change. So we never thought we would complete everything on our bucket list. Indeed, we never thought we would be staring out the window, wondering why we were so tired. 

We ponder why people treat us differently now and why the future looks rather dismal.

Did I mention fears? I’m not talking about slowly rising fears, but worries that suddenly appear in our rearview mirror from nowhere and pick us up like a whooshing wind as they zoom by.

Speed Bumps Are Meant To Slow Us Down

Geez, I hate these feelings and these times! (I even hate writing about them!)

I feel better when I remember the words of Melody Beattie, an international best-selling author. “Embrace the void. This wonderful in-between place holds the keys to all creation.”

She describes it as an in-between time when one door has closed and another hasn’t opened. I would add this powerful little word after “opened”—yet!

It helps, too, when I remember I have been in “the void” in the past and made it through these dark gray times in my life. 

Another personal aid comes when I  think about how I live in a culture that historically has not valued older women and believes them to be feeble, shriveling elderly females.

Then, I remind myself that the generally held belief is that American women have come a long way, baby. We are pioneers in our own right, doing the exhausting work of building roads for female travelers where none existed before.   

Being in “the void” is a time of renewal and rejuvenation. A time for personal servicing, like getting a full-service job for our car, getting our oil changed, tires checked, batteries evaluated, etc., for our needs for future performance. 

Yes. This time—like speed bumps in the road—is designed to slow us down. We are in a refueling process.

So—a little nap, anyone?

Road Ahead Alerts

I’m fortunate. In the state where I live, Colorado, the Department of Transportation offers an app to get alerts and notifications. I use it often in my journeys to and from across the state. 

While I can’t offer you an app for the drive ahead, I can suggest a road atlas, if you will, that was initially given to me by the late Dr. Elenor Greenberg, a member of the Women’s Colorado Hall of Fame. It is a chart you can use to determine where your life is headed.

Here’s how it works.

Draw five columns. Label the first column,  area of life; the second column, 60-70 age; the third column, 70-80 age; the fourth column, 80-90 age; and the fifth column, 90+ age.

Under the first column,  label these: Family, health, wealth, work, relationships, housing, dreams, travel, sports, and hobbies.

Now, depending on your age range,  fill in what you expect to happen in the coming years for each area of your life. 

I wrote several things in the 70-80 age column. Under family,  grandchildren grow up and graduate high school and college. Under health, a healthy exercise routine, good nutrition, and adequate sleep are essential. Under work, continue to write daily and seek education on skills and technology.

Take a deep breath and put the chart away for a while.

Like the transportation alerts and notifications, I receive from the travel app, some trepidation, fears, and anxiety may cause you to grip your wheel. 

After a while, take the completed chart out. If you’re like me, fear and resentment will undoubtedly fly into your thoughts like mosquitoes bombarding your skin on a summer evening! It’s bound to happen when you look at each row in our chart.  

Several years ago, a good friend gave me advice and a technique to deal with this situation. First, she told me to identify the worry by clearly defining what was bothering me. Then, jot down how this situation affects me socially, economically, or as an older woman. Next, to gain clarity on what I might or might not do about the situation, ask these questions:

Where might I have caused harm to myself or others?

What can I do differently?

What is the worst that can happen?

What do I gain from this, my “payoff?”

What can I do to protect myself?

What do I deserve if I am “good enough?”

Which Road Map Will You Choose?

Maybe, by now, you’re getting a “little itchy” to get going again. But you have an idea of where you want to go and a plan to handle any potholes (fears).

I hate to tell you this, but you and you alone get to decide what route to take. 

You may decide to go down the traditional path of an older woman in America; that’s your right.

Have fun and safe travels!

On the other hand, you may decide, like I did, to go on a different highway. Because our country needs older women for their wisdom and accumulated knowledge more than ever, we must keep working to promote our values. There is unfinished business that we started in the 1970s, even though younger women have reaped the benefits of what we gained during those times. 

In my first blog in 2013, I stated that I did not like becoming invisible after a certain age. Call it arrogant if you want, but who I was up to that point and what I had done mattered. Even if I was becoming wrinkled and gray-haired, I had much to contribute.

Of course, every step, mile if you will, has met with resistance because older women are generally not seen as leaders. Any surprise? 

I wonder what’s around the bend. But, if you want, come along, and we’ll find out.  

Note: Any company or organization does not financially support this blog.

Copyright – Elizabeth J. Wheeler, May 11, 2023

(For advanced notice of this blog post, sign-up for my e-newsletter, which is just below the about information on this website.  In addition, you’ll get nutritious, easy recipes and news just for “us.”)

Maybe retirement is around the bend for you, or you have been retired for a while. Either way, life has lost a bit of its luster and possibly a bit scary too. You’re feeling parked with no idea how to get rolling again. I can relate to those frightening stuck feelings, especially when I consider where I came from and all the twists and turns life took to get me here.

Here are some moves to get you rolling again.

It Helps To Know Where You’ve Been

Did you get where you planned on going by now?

Unless you own a super-duper crystal ball, there is no way you could have ever anticipated 2023 from when you first became cognizant that you would eventually grow up and have your own life as an adult.  

Take a periscope look back to the 1950s and early 1960s, depending on your age.  This reflection helps to confirm not only why—at times—the world seems so wacky now but also shows us how far and fast we traveled from the American lifestyle back then.  Wow! Since we ventured down that road, we can certainly maneuver what’s ahead.  

Think back to when you were age seven and ask yourself these questions:

Where did I live?

What adults lived with me, and what did they do?

Where did I go to school?

What did I wear when I went to school?

What did I study at school?

What school sports did I play?

If you took notes in school, how did you record them?

How did you get to school?

What did you do for fun?

What technology did you have at home and school?

What skills did you learn to support yourself in the future?

Now, to glimpse how fast American life changed, ask yourself the above questions as a teenager, say 17, ten years later.

Before age 10, I lived in one of Denver’s new suburban areas. My dad worked for a paper company, and my mom—like all moms on our block—stayed home. I went to two grade schools because Denver was bursting at the seams with new families and was rapidly building schools to keep up with the population.  Of course, I wore a dress or skirt and blouse to school no matter how cold the weather was. I took a school bus and froze at the bus stop even though I had snow pants on, which I promptly took off when I got in the school door. Girls were not allowed to wear pants, you know! I I played 4-square and tetherball. Eventually, we got a color TV and our own phone line.  

By the time I was 17, many moms on our block worked. My mom learned to drive and had a car. We had a portable typewriter and our own phone line. My best friend had a pink princess phone in her room! We eventually got a second boring phone in my parent’s bedroom.  I especially loved going to the golf range with my dad and being his caddy on the golf course. I never saw a woman do either.  Our high school just had boys’ sports teams. I loved Nancy Drew and thought it would be great to be a lawyer like her dad. My parents made me take shorthand and typing in high school. They wanted me to have skills I could use if my future husband died.

Answering those questions brought home the changes occurring in my life and society. I summarized many of them when I wrote this in the introduction of my last psychological thriller, Murder, and a Blue Spruce. “…I grew up where the plains met the southern border of Denver shortly after World War II. Civilization stopped about a mile from where my folks’ new blond brick ranch house was built in 1954. I rode my bicycle a short distance to the city’s edge as a little girl, Tall prairie grass enveloped me as I drove down whatever path I could find through this entrancing vegetation. Houses and highways gobbled up that prairie before I reached my teen years.”

What answers did you come up with?

We Charted New Territory, Broke Trail, in the 1960s and 1970s 

While you have your periscope out, look at what happened to you as profound changes occurred in American Society during these decades, thanks to ever-growing economic needs,  some powerful women, and—of course—the pill. 

In the 60s and 70s, we revved up our engines and started traveling where few American women had ever gone.  

Think back now, and ask yourself what was happening in your life during this period when women entered the workforce in droves.

Did your mom work from 9 to 5? Did you? 

What was your first job?

How did you prepare for that job?

What did you wear to work?

Did you get any computer experience?

How about flying in a commercial airplane? 

Did you go on family vacations?

Did you burn your bra?

Did you start a family?

Did you live in a diverse neighborhood?

What do you remember most from these times in our country? 

I vividly remember seeing the Kent State Massacre on television and many Viet Nam and race riots. Painting our family room as our infant son swung in his little swing, I watched the impeachment process against Richard Nixon in the United States House of Representatives. My volunteer positions as a newsletter editor and group leader for La Leche League afforded me valuable experience. I still know many media people I met back then.

We Were Cruising Along In Our 40s and 50s

Companies loved us. After all, they knew women were the primary drivers, and decision-makers, for their goods and services.  They pictured us in all sorts of advertising and promotional materials—magazines, newspapers, catalogs, and—eventually—on the internet. We looked good. Our few wrinkles didn’t show much, and many of us colored our hair. 

And we had money, honey!  We earned it, married it, inherited it-any or all combinations. 

Yes! We worked from 9 to 5, and many of us worked much longer hours. We had two or more jobs or were in senior management, with staff and a seat on the board.

Did I mention the previous unheard-of high divorce rates?  What about living arrangements—live-in same-sex partner—that were never mentioned when we were growing up?  

Boy, did we travel for work or pleasure! Commercial airline flights were starting when we were growing up.  Now, we could go anywhere in the world. We had our own cars and trucks, and some of us had our own campers.

Now – Once Again-We Are Ignored And Scared About The Pot Holes On The Road Ahead

We don’t have our “girlie figures.” We’ve either retired or are about ready to retire from positions in all sectors of society. Pharmaceutical and health organizations love us. Few others do. We are rarely seen in advertisements, promotional materials, or on the web. Our children have long since flown out of the nest. Grandchildren are aging, and some of us have great-grandchildren. Many of us are divorced or widowed. 

 Older women have become invisible in the retirement planning process. Just as we were before, we revved our engines down the race track to secure our place at the starting line decades ago. So, no wonder a little déjà vu seems to permeate our lives.

 A literature review on retirement showed that most were authored by men and dealt with health and wealth. A few expounded on creating and then emptying a bucket list. 

Last month, CNN Host Don Lemon left his position because of offensive comments about women and stating on-air that the presidential hopeful Niki Haley “isn’t in her prime” because she is over 40.  

Respected NPR Host Mary Louise Kelly’s memoir How Fast It Goes writes about her incredible juggling act to “do it all.” She is now in a place evaluating the results and what’s next. 

I know several women—myself included—who have gone through bucket lists and now wonder what’s next and why. 

Of course, health, wealth, and bucket lists are important topics,  but so is taking advantage of this unique time to enhance our lives, explore what intrigues us, expand our world, and help it a little. 

We Can — As We Always Have —Zoom Ahead!

Note: This blog is not financially supported by any company or organization

Copyright – Elizabeth J. Wheeler, April 11, 2023

(Sign-up for my e-newsletter – just below the about information on this website – to get advanced notice of the blog post along with nutritious easy recipes and news just for “us.” )

Several weeks ago, I was talking with my 52-year-old daughter about my tax preparation. She and her 50-year-old sister are my executors.  I reminded her who was doing my taxes and how she could get a copy if needed.   Also, I mentioned several other bits of information she might require and told her I would send them to her.

“Oh, Mom, you don’t need to do all that. After all, I know how to get into your phone and can get all the info if need be,” she irritability said. 

Well, maybe so, honey, I thought. But I am still going to put a folder in my desk drawer entitled “Who Ya Goin’ to Call?” to make sure you have all the information and no one will be forgotten, just in case my phone gets lost. I know this is like going back to the dinosaur age! Then, I giggled. 

You see, I live in an area of Colorado that used to be home to dinosaurs. I love the giant statue of Grrreta, the dinosaur who greets me when I go to the nearby town of Fruita. 

In the past six months or so, I have lost several friends. Also, I have been involved in settling a family estate. This subject is near and dear to my heart.

Today, this daughter holds a master’s degree, so, of course, she is intelligent and did not learn to type on a manual typewriter like her maternal grandmother and I did.  I laughed out loud when I remembered the first time she attended a college class in 1970. She was three months old.  I had just started attending the University of Colorado Graduate School of Business at night.

 The professor told our advertising class of approximately 50 people, 99 percent male, something about “BFD.” I didn’t know what “BFD” stood for, and went home and asked my 24-year-old husband. He laughed and said it stood for “Big  FUCKING  Deal.”

 In 1970, you never saw that word in print. Also, in 1970, I learned in that advertising class that belly buttons, cleavage, and other bodily parts were air-brushed out. These are eye-opening examples of how life has changed for “us” as I detail in my book, “Paths – A Primer for Ladies of a-Certain Age. A Workbook for the Road Ahead.”

Fifty-some years later, I realize what a bellwether event that was. First, I, a female,  me, was attending a graduate advertising class at one of the top universities in the country. Second, I brought my baby to class. Third, the baby ‘sang’ while nursing during the class. (I am happy to report the professor took all of this in stride and helped me get that degree!)

So, you see, I have a very, very bright daughter who has attended the university from a very early age!

Now, I needed to decide what information to put in this folder. (I’m attaching the picture of the Fruita dinosaur on the front, thinking a little humor might help her open it when the time comes.)

I immediately thought about the people I had listed in my “fifth” circle, those who provide me with essential services, that my daughter might not have an inkling who they are. Over 10 years ago, I learned about the importance of circles in our lives from Dr. Ellie Greenburg, Ph.D., and member of the Colorado Women’s Hall of Fame. On a sunny October 2012 afternoon, I took her “Challenges for Women Over 60” class at Denver’s Lifelong Learning Center.

Several years ago, I wrote about this and other circles in our lives in a blog, The Fifth Circle – Essential Friend. These people are our providers of essential services. In my folder, I included: my hairstylist, the company that cuts my lawn, the HOA (homeowners Association) where I live, my yoga teacher, and pickleball coordinator.  I also included a list of my friends, many of whom have never met my daughter, and organizations I belong to, such as my beloved movie club. I looked at my monthly calendar to make sure I had accounted for everyone.

Of utmost importance, I want to make sure she knows how to get in touch with Joyce Cerretti, my long-time friend who is instrumental to this e-newsletter and blog, as well as the cover designer for my books. Joyce could help my daughter get a notice out to you, my dear readers. 

Ellie’s class became the foundation for Paths—A Primer for Ladies-of-a-Certain Age— A Workbook for the Road Ahead. This year, I am publishing a Kindle version of that book and dedicating it to her. She generously advised me throughout the whole process. Unfortunately, Dr. Greenberg passed in 2021.

You know, come to think of it, I bet dinosaurs had snarky daughters, too! 

Copyright – Elizabeth J. Wheeler, March 16, 2023

Yes, I’m coming out swinging in this Spring 2023 Fashion Report!  And, yes, I am mad as H-E-Double Toothpick, ladies! The same disregard held for older women by the fashion industry and society hasn’t changed one bit since I started this blog in 2013.

It is true, dear fashion industry, we do not spend as much money as our younger sisters. But don’t forget, dear fashion industry, we are still deserving of your respect. Further, as a segment of society, we are one of the wealthiest: we’ve either earned it, married it, or inherited it, or any or all of these.

Some of the best-known brands in the fashion industry disown us as soon as we quit working or retire to less money-making jobs.  A few—to their credit—include older models in their promotional materials. It’s really obvious the companies have abandoned us when none of their models have gray hair and nary a wrinkle.

So, ladies, it’s tough out there. Why should we even care about fashion? 

These are important reasons for me:

1. Don’t play society’s “Invisible Game.” All females are valued! Strut your stuff, ladies!
2. As the Girl Scouts used to say when I worked for them in the 1980s, “Our money is as green as anyone’s!” Spend your fashion dollars where you are respected as an older woman.
3. Ten years later, as one of the American Cancer Society’s communications directors, I was humbled to promote the “Look Good Feel Better” program for female cancer survivors.  This program recognized that we all feel better when we take the time to look our best.

On with the Spring 2023 Fashion Report 

First, I want you to know that I receive no financial compensation for the fashion reports or any of my blogs.

Second, my information comes from many sources, such as fashion magazines web sites, retailers, and various news sources. Also, I check out a few stores in my area. I always visit Target because I have found them to be a beacon of fashion trends. Then,  I summarize my findings and tell you what is in my closet for this season. 

Third, I offer a quick fashion summary at the beginning of this blog in case your time is limited for a thorough read.

Fourth,  I include these three questions in each report to help you determine what will make you feel best to wear: 1. What is your fashion personality? 2. What colors work best for you?  3. What are your practical considerations? 

Abbreviated Spring Fashion 2023  Summary 

Bright colors

Goodbye slim-cut pants

Hello, flared  and straight-leg paints

Goodbye, long tops

Hello, short or waist-cut tops

Pearls

Two-toned jewelry

Bangles

Traditional purse styles

Ballet shoes

Long hair

Light makeup with brows and lashes accentuated

Vivid and colorful lips

Natural nails

Three  Pertinent Questions for What’s Best For You

1. What is your fashion personality? There are seven predominant style personalities. The labels change sometimes, but the descriptions don’t.  Once you know your fashion personality, you can quickly determine which of the new trends will work for you. 

If you don’t know your fashion personality, take this fun quiz.  

I have a casual classic style, so frilly, bling or edgy trends don’t work for me. 

2 . We all have specific colors that naturally make us look and feel better. These colors in the fashion industry are often referred to as seasons: spring, summer, fall, and winter.  Once you know what colors are best, you can peruse the current hottest colors for the ones you like, and they will look good on you. If you don’t know your season, here is a fun, no-cost quiz to take.  I am in the winter season. Besides knowing which colors are your best, you will also find which colors to avoid wearing, especially next to your face: For example, black is beautiful if you are in the winter season, and orange only if you are part of the fall season. Silver jewelry works best for summer and winter seasons, and gold for the others.  

3.  I call this question the practical one. It has three parts:  a. Do you know what is already in your closet? b. Do you need clothes for a particular reason? 3. What is your budget? Like most women our age, you probably have lots of clothes. Maybe you don’t need or want any. Perhaps, you have a special event coming up. These practical considerations will help you determine what to wear or buy this season. 

Now, here is a summary of my findings for Spring 2023. I hope they are helpful for you in choosing what to wear now.

Spring Fashion 2003 Summary

Color

Each season, the Pantone Institute determines the top colors for clothes and products, including paint and appliances. Below is a list of the 2023 spring colors I have summarized for you. Click on the above link for a description and the actual names of their colors.

Bright red

Vivid Fuchsia 

Bright orange

Browned peach

Intense radiant yellow

Pink

Vivid green

Yellow-green

Soft medium blue

Soft blue gray

Light sky

Vanilla

Medium gray

Soft olive green

Tan

Clothes — (Please note: I left off the see-throughs, sheer clothing, tailored corsets, and bustiers because I don’t know one lady of a certain age that would wear them. )

Jean jackets

Bomber jackets

Blazers

Dots

Fringe

Sequins

Big bows

Baggy jeans

Cargo pants

Wide-leg jeans and pants

Draw-string pants

Drop-waist dresses and skirts

Bubble skirts and sleeves

Short tops – just below or just above the waist

Short-sleeve knit tops and shirts

Jewelry 

Pearls

Bangles

Cuffs

Shoulder-grazing earrings

Emeralds

Mixed metals

Chunky chains

Signet and pinky rings

Heart jewelry

Watches

Purses 

Top handle bags

Hobo

Oversized tote

Wristlets

Baguettes

Metallics

Totes

Bright colors

Shoes 

Ballet flats

Lace-ups (shoes with straps that are intertwined around the calf)

Metallic

Pointed toe!!

Clogs

Slouchy boots

Mary Janes

Soccer shoes

Cowboy boots

Fisherman sandals

Hairstyles 

Shags—curly, long, shaggy

Straight hair with a middle part

French twists 

Buns and ponytails

Side part mid-length bob

Bobs

Makeup 

Natural looking makeup 

Black eyeliner and mascara

Lots and lots of mascara

Smudged liner 

Angular arched eyebrows

Bleached eyebrows

Smokey black eyeshadow

Vinyl lips – highly glossed red, purple, orange, brown, and gray lipstick

Hot pink blush

Clean, simple nails

Soft chrome nail polish

Minimal French manicure

Glitter and rhinestone accents

 What’s in my closet

I always “shop my closet” first. It reflects my traditional fashion personality—classic, casual—and the colors of the winter season. While at it, I purge my closet of worn clothing and donate it.

This year I am particularly aware of proportions because of my petite size and age. I am telling you this because the lines our clothes make are important no matter what your size. You see, about 15 years ago,  I developed scoliosis. Since the sixth grade, I measured 5.5 feet. Now, I stand up tall to reach 5 feet. Also, I have lost weight and have gone from 120 pounds to just over 100. I no longer wear regular size, but petite size clothing. I have found on Pinterest a couple of helpful articles on petite dressing.

Further, at age 76, I am more aware of the importance of safety, particularly how it relates to balance. I love the curvy heels I see, but—even if I had a place to wear them—I don’t think it would be wise. But it was so fun to shoe shop for the two very rich women in my latest mystery, Murder and a Blue Spruce. 

I live in a small town in Western Colorado. Like many retirees, I moved away from a big city.  What’s in my closet reflects the laid-back lifestyle of my community. 

Clothes 

Mostly I need clothes for pickleball, gardening, relaxed times with friends, and yoga. The only special occasion I have on my calendar is my grandson’s graduation, which will be a casual affair. During the summer, it gets very hot here, and the dangerous rays of the sun are a concern. I like wearing linen because it gives me protection.  I am “a blue jean baby” and often wear denim.

Style has changed this season. Fortunately, I have a couple of pairs of cream wide-leg pants and straight-leg jeans. I will buy another pair of jeans, and straight-leg black knit pants. Last year, my dermatologist dug out a chunk of cancer in my right leg, so I am now keeping my legs mostly covered. 

I’m looking forward to wearing my two jean jackets: a beloved 20-year-plus  Ralph Loren and a white linen Tommy Bahama, a thrift store find! I do have short sleeve, waist-length or just-below tops in the fashion colors of fuchsia, blue, green, and a multi-mix of blue. In addition, I am scouting for a couple of red tops. (After all, I was born under the sign of Aires, and red is my astrological color!)

Jewelry

These days I look for necklaces with easy clasps. 

One of my favorites is a multi-metal by Christopher Poly, which secures with magnets. I am going to buy another one.

I have strands of pearls in various lengths, and pearl earrings 

Bangles are not my thing; cuffs have fallen off my tiny wrists. 

Purses

Yep, shopping my closet paid off. I have my choice between a cream Coach hobo or a gray Steve Madden tote.

Shoes

My tootsies will be graced with pointed black flats, or they will love the freedom of my Sketchers Women’s Seager Stat Slip-On or chunky sandals. 

Hairstyle 

I’ve added a side part to my tapered bob and am growing out the front just a little.

Makeup 

Safety—not beauty or fashion—is my number one goal when it comes to my eyes. Several years ago, I had an inner eyelid condition caused by makeup. I am not outlining my eyes this season but will use smoky gray eyeshadow and a couple of layers of mascara.  Vinyl lips are not for me but will wear pink or red lip gloss. I am so grateful I have full eyebrows. I am not going to do anything to them.

Nails 

Fushia color nail polish for my toes and nude for my fingernails.  

Strut your stuff, sisters.  It is fun!

Copyright – Elizabeth J. Wheeler, February 14, 2023

I knew I was in trouble when I thought about getting my hair cut. After all, isn’t that what you do when you feel out of sorts? A new hairdo might be just the thing to get me out of this muddle. My stylist and I had worked so hard to get this straight, fine, cowlicked hair to look just right,  But it didn’t seem to be working so well anymore, just like my life on this dreary day early last month.

(Fortunately, my stylist—a lady of a certain age—was basking in the sun and in her glory of completing the Dopey Run at Disney World.)

My writing plans had come to a sudden halt the day before. I so looked forward to doing an audio version of the three Ladies-of-a-Certain-Age Mysteries. Some of my readers told me how much they enjoyed listening to audiobooks, others said they were so busy they had difficulty finding time to sit down and read, and a few said they were having sight problems and found it difficult to see now.

When I looked into producing an audiobook, I found it difficult and expensive. It just wasn’t me reading the book. No, I had to find and persuade a professional reader to do so. I thought, oh, my Elizabeth, of course. How could you even think of duplicating the voice of the gruff forensic cop Dungaree or the playful one of cousin Murph? Well, I could sound like Sweetie Pie hissing in the window when she sees the shadow of that stealthy woman in Murder and a Victory Garden, but I never could duplicate the speech of the smooth professional architect Betty Noble. Those human voices are only in your head.

Darn, I wasn’t ready to write the next mystery. I just did not have the energy it required to do so.

I realized “my world wasn’t going to burn or crumble,” as my late friend Anna Marie would say. This wasn’t an abrupt life-changing event like I had in 1982 or January 2005. The Exxon closing of the Colony Shale Oil Project on Sunday, May 2, 1982, had significant implications across Colorado and ended my job. I remember going to my office on May 3, thinking how much I would miss writing the June monthly newsletter for project workers and nearby residents of Parachute and Battlement Mesa, Colorado. Eighteen years ago, my daughter had an emergency C-section. Fortunately, she survived, and her 3.5-pound infant is graduating high school this year. 

No, it was just a cold and snowy dark day, and I didn’t know what to do. I was in a confusing situation. Finally, I looked out my kitchen window and realized the doom and gloom wasn’t helping. After all, I am a “Colorado girl” used to playing in the sun. Unfortunately, there wasn’t any sun, and the wonderful Fruita, Colorado Recreation Center had experienced a water disaster, so I could not play indoor pickleball there. In addition, my gardens had snow on them. 

Today, I am happy to report that I am feeling much better. So, this is what I did to get out of this conundrum. 

1. I bundled up and went for long walks with my dog Dolly, who has a coat too. Exercise and the beauty of nature always lift my spirits.
2. I started taking a vitamin D supplement. I call it sunshine in a bottle. Usually, I get enough sun except for winter.
3. I went to bed early and got up late, taking the advice of Roman poet Ovid, “A rested field gives a good crop.” I was warm and cozy in my bed and could not come close to verbalizing the purring sound of a black and white cat, which brings to mind the character Sweetie Pie in Murder and a Victory Garden. 
4. I diligently practiced yoga every day when I did not attend a yoga class.
5. I journaled even more than I usually do. For many years I have followed Julia Cameron’s advice of writing what she calls Morning Pages. I read about them 20 years ago in her book, The Artist‘sWay. 
6. I investigated online classes for authors and signed up for one.
7. I looked at my gardening notes and saw I had to trim bushes in February, just weeks away. 
8. I remembered one of my favorite quotes by Clarissa Pinkola Estes in Women Who Run with the Wolves, “Spring always comes.”

In February, crocuses start to bloom. Dolly and I are beginning to hunt for them. 

I have an appointment with my hairstylist. After that, I plan to update my photo to show my excellent cut—cowlicks and all.

Copyright – Elizabeth J. Wheeler, January 31, 2023

The month of January is named after the two-headed Roman god named Janus!

“What! How funny my little sister Janice Louise is truly a two-headed monster for sure,” my 8-year-old self suddenly became very alert and tried so hard to control her giggles in Mrs. McDonald’s third-grade class at Denver’s University Hills Grade School. 

Of course, Mrs. McDonald was not happy that one of her least favorite students was giggling. She so wished the child would just shut up or go back to reading her camouflaged book she knew the tall red-headed girl hid under her papers. (Mrs. McDonald would have so loved my little angelic sister, who did become a teacher, but by the time Janice reached the third grade, a new school closer to our 1954 blond-brick ranch had been built.)

Yes, indeed, the month of January is named after Janus, who had one head looking back at the year completed and one peering at what was to become. 

I like visiting with Janus every year for two reasons: first, life goes by so fast that I often forget what I have done; and second, I like planning for the year ahead because I want to make sure I do what is important to me. 

At this stage of life, I know women who say to me, “But, why, Elizabeth, I have to take care of my ailing husband, or something like why, Elizabeth, I should have done that earlier in my life, or why, Elizabeth, what does it matter I have health concerns or don’t have the energy anymore?”

I respond, but why not, friend? If not now, when? Or my new favorite Mary Oliver quote, “Have I walked long enough where the sea breaks raspingly all day and all night upon the pale sand? Have I admired sufficiently the little hurricane of the hummingbird? The heavy thumb of the blackberry? The falling star?”

So, looking back at 2022, the below positive things stand out in my life for me. I hope you share yours in the comment section of this blog site.

Finally, meeting in Greece (no less!) my Denver Thomas Jefferson High School mascot Spartacus on my 75th birthday. 

I went shopping with my middle daughter and her teenage grandchildren at Colorado Mills Shopping Center because this cool outing on a very, very hot day gave me a whole new perspective on life from the eyes of teenagers.

The launch party of my latest mystery, “Murder and Blue Spruce,” because a total stranger came to my home and in my driveway parked, “Maybellene,” his very expensive 1955 white Cadillac since Cadillacs are featured in the book. His kindness and generosity astonished me. 

Because of the lessening of covid, I returned to playing pickleball. The sport itself brings me joy. What brings me more joy are the people I play with. Almost all of us are gray-haired. I can’t believe the amount and volume of laughter I hear. I have never once seen anyone throw their racket down in anger. I saw many people throw their golf clubs down when I played that sport for over 40 years.

Now on to 2023–69 years later, from learning about Janus—I share with you my ambitions. Please note: This is how I do it. I am not advocating that you do the same. This method works for me: it may or may not work for you. I invite you to let us know what yours are in the comment section. 

Somewhere along the way, I heard about the power of setting goals based on primary personal principles. It took time for me to realize what is paramount for me in my life. I came up with these:

Spirituality 

Health

Family

Wealth

Home

Education

Amazingly to me, these principles haven’t changed over the years.

They are the basis for my own personal “strategic plan.” Each year under each principle, I develop goals, strategies,  and tactics for furthering my principles. And, yes, I include a timeline and budget where appropriate. I believe I owe much of the success in my life to this planning.  

Many of my friends over the years have bulked at my planning ideas. All I know is that this approach works for me and my personality. I don’t believe I would have achieved what I did professionally, had the health I enjoy today, dealt with various family situations, had a secure retirement, enjoyed my home and retirement community, and learned so much—from growing my herbs to traveling to foreign countries.  

I’ll share with you a few goals I have under each principle with you.

Spirituality —

Studying concepts of forgiveness, self-esteem, and creativity by delving into books by Rami Shapiro, Melody Beattie, and Julia Cameron

Health 

Practicing yoga daily because it so helps with my arthritis and scoliosis 

Family

Learning to be a grandma of older teenagers 

Wealth

Monitoring funds

Home

Planning several landscape projects and seeking additional help for my yard and home

Education

Traveling to Southern Italy, where my paternal great-grandparents came from. Convincing myself that I could travel alone with a tour group. 

Publishing a second edition of each of my mysteries. Publishing an audio version.

Finally, I’ll leave you with the Just for Today poem on a bookmark I picked up many years ago at an Al-Anon meeting and a similar one that I find useful today at The Art of Living.

Please note: Since its inception in 2013, this blog has not been financially or otherwise supported by any company or entity.  

Copyright – Elizabeth J. Wheeler, January 1, 2023

Have you ever been aware of thoughts and sounds going around in your head just before waking up? 

That’s what happened to me about a week ago. Thoughts and sounds of Christmas appeared in a surreal way. The song, “Have a Holly Jolly Christmas” played in the background. 

,The words jingle jangle came to me. I just found out that was a title of a Netflix movie. They signify this far-out time of year when the world seems to erupt like a volcano. 

Maybe because I have been blessed with over 70 Christmases, maybe because neighbors have already decorated their yards with blown-up Christmas characters, maybe because I was thinking of my Christmas plans, perhaps because I am eager to be with my family, these waves of words, sounds, smells and feelings rained down on me. It was a pleasant, poignant experience.

I am sharing some of the things I felt with you and invite you to think and feel about your experiences this time of year. At the end of this post, I write about a relatively new tradition I have been doing with friends; It is a tranquil retrieve in these hectic times.

So, instead of just reading this blog post, I invite you to listen, smell and even touch the words to extract your feelings to enjoy all the flavors of your senses.

Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer  *** A bright red light for a nose *** Listening for Santa’s sleigh *** Red roses and holly in a vase (Rose, my mother, was born on December 20) *** Shivering in the cold, watching my daughter play her flute in the parade of lights downtown with her high school band *** Having tea with that same daughter as a little girl with my dad, her grandpa, at the Denver Dry Goods Tea Room *** Having enough money to buy lots of toys for my little kids after their dad finally graduated from college  *** Uncle Paul’s model train zooming around the Christmas tree *** Aunt Kay’s divinity *** My Italian grandmother’s fabulous spaghetti and ravioli Christmas dinner *** Grandpa waiting for us to arrive on the porch *** Death (my great-grandmother died on Christmas Day and Mittens, my cat, the day after Christmas) *** Cross-country skiing with two great friends during the day on December 24. Listening to  NPR play Christmas music from St. Stevens as we drive to the mountains *** Christmas after a divorce *** A dog eating the gingerbread ornaments off the tree *** A cat climbing the tree *** Expensive fancy dinners as a corporate wife *** Treating my staff to the botanic gardens holiday lights *** Singing Christmas carols at neighbor’s doors with my sister, Jan and our cousin, Marilyn while her brother played the tuba *** Buying a new Nancy Drew book with my Christmas money from Santa Claus

Several years ago, I started celebrating the Winter Solstice with my friends. I am always amazed how many of them can come to my house just days before Christmas. We have a simple meal of soup and bread and cranberry pudding and then go outside where a fire is burning in a pit. Before the party,  I invite my friends to write down things they wish to forget about this year on sheets of paper. Quietly each of us tosses them into the flames and watches the ashes rise into the sky. Then, we each add to the fire our notes about hopes and dreams for the new year and watch them ascend to the heavens. Finally, we come back into the house and have a cup of cheer. The party is over around 8 pm. Maybe it is because of my other ancestry—Irish, English, Scottish, and Welch— or perhaps because I find the season’s commercialism so tiresome, I find this simple ceremony with dear friends signifies the season’s real meaning.

Happy Holidays! 

Copyright – Elizabeth J. Wheeler, November 29, 2022

Here, in Western Colorado, we don’t have many pallid November days. After all, our terrain is defined as a “high-country desert.” We are known for our sunshine, glorious red-rocked mountains, and fertile soil when irrigated. Yet, it is a place where my soul usually soars.

But, I must tell it like it is. After all, that is the reason I started writing this blog almost ten years ago. I did not want to gloss over, make pretty, be seen and not heard, my feelings as a lady of a certain age. Although my mother, who died before she became a lady of a certain age, I’m sure would disapprove,  I can still hear her say, “Be nice!”  By that, she meant don’t speak your feelings, don’t ruffle anyone’s feathers, or embarrass me.  

I have been pondering pensively on many pallid days for about a month. Cold, and some snow arrived in October. (Thank goodness the snow melted in a couple of hours. I don’t like the stuff which belongs in the mountains.)

Generally, I enjoy the creativity of my neighbors’ Halloween decorations. But, when one of them put up a whole graveyard replete with lots of dangling moss, I was repulsed. Does she not have any respect for the dead? Usually, I delight in seeing another neighbor’s amber-colored pick-up with the skeleton behind the wheel. He is a young man with a young family. I can feel his delight at this time of year. But, unfortunately, the truck did nothing for me this year as my dog, and I walked past it. And, then, there was the most clever decoration of a new neighbor. A skeleton’s arms, legs, and head jutted out of a mound of dirt. An artificial red flower was stuck near the top of the head. Good grief! Did they have to be so realistic?

It occurred to me that this year I had only put a pumpkin on a bench by my front door and hung a simple fall decoration on it. So my poor jack- o’ lanterns are still in storage, along with the ghosts and witches.  

Then, I got an email from one of my high school class of 1965 classmates. I read her name and exclaimed, “Oh, no!” She is the one who keeps us informed of our classmates’ deaths. Sure enough, a man I used to sit next to or nearby in our classes (because both of our last names begin with W) had passed. I remembered him as a sturdy honorable boy with blond hair.

I made a cup of coffee and pondered pensively about what was going on with me. Yep, all the ugly news of our time—war, hunger, homelessness, natural disasters caused by climate change, and holy moly, all the political ugliness had wilted my spirit. So often, lately, I have felt hopeless and helpless. I wondered how four friends seemed to live with vim and vibe. After all, one has long covid, another had a breast cancer reoccurrence,  one is a kidney-transplant survivor, and the last had a devastating stroke last December.  

I greatly admire all of these women. However, I also admonished myself not to put myself down for not feeling like dancing. This is where honesty comes in. I remembered the saying, “Don’t compare your insides to someone else’s outsides.”  

Well, dear reader, I don’t want to leave you feeling hopeless and helpless! However, I realized over that coffee that I had the tools to feel better. These included:  first of all, recognizing and stating how I am feeling and why; second, using the statement, “stop, look and listen,” because when I do, what surrounds me is wonderful; third, grabbing my dog’s leash and taking her for a walk; fourth, listening to music; fifth, making wonderful warm soup; enjoying the comfort of a cat jumping on my lap and giving me kisses; and fifth, using a little slogan that helped so many people shortly before I was born in 1947, “Be calm and carry on!”

Copyright – Elizabeth J. Wheeler, October 29, 2022

Wow, have I been on a cleaning streak!  It started when I was going through my closet for my last blog, The Ladies-of-a-Certain-Age Fall Fashion Report.  Perhaps, you remember the picture of my dog, Dolly, watching me do this. 

After delivering six large bags of my used clothes to charitable organizations, I came home and cleaned out three drawers where I keep jewelry.  Then, I went through my coat closet because of unusually chilly and rainy where I live,  cleaned the floor, and washed three coats.   

Soon, I noticed I wasn’t feeling as tired as I have been. 

Why am I feeling some vitality? I asked myself.  Then, I remembered a philosophy about moving energy called Feng Shui. Years ago, I had a friend come over to my house to “Feng Shui it.” She explained that it was about allowing verve to move freely and arranging elements in your home to create balance.  Outside your dwelling, the purpose is to invite the energy to enter and to ward off any negative vibes. Cleanliness is of the utmost importance, not blocking the flow.

Of course, I thought she was crazy! However, I began to feel better and more relaxed.  Since then, for some 20 years now, I have studied and used Feng Shui.

It occurred to me that I’ve been so busy this year that my home’s energy has been affected by my not attending to the basic Feng Shui principles.

Although from the outside world, my house appeared neat and orderly because I have used “Heloise Hints for Housekeeping” for over fifty years.  (Do you remember Heloise’s newspaper and magazine columns?) Yes, I make my bed each day, get dirty dishes either in the sink or dishwasher and pick up stuff off the floor (now, mainly dog toys since my children long ago flew the nest and I quit taking a daily newspaper). Also, my drawers and closets are fairly orderly, thanks to the tidying expert,  Marie Kondo. I adopted her tiding routine several years ago. It has saved me time and energy. 

Further, because I am a hard-driven Aries, I get things done! (But, if you look in the corners of my house, you’ll see I haven’t vacuumed since who-knows-when.) It’s hard for me to take a break and relax.

Where is this all going?  You see, ladies, I desperately need some R & R, rest, and relaxation!  I would add a third R, restoration.  I’m pooped. Yes, I have had a wonderful year. After all, I went to Greece AND last month published my third mystery, “Murder and a Blue Spruce,” wrote nine blogs, played pickleball, went to yoga, hiked some, grew an organic garden, saw family (including three teenage grandchildren) and and, and.

Clearing out my space allowed energy to move again and showed me that I desperately need to rest!  

Each autumn for many years, it’s been my practice to take myself on a little retreat to do just that. During this “downtime,” I review my life and decide what I might like to do next year after the upcoming holidays.  

So, once again, the “woo woo” practices, as some people might describe Feng Shui, Kondo’s philosophies, and astrology,  have really helped me know what I need to do to take care of myself. I need time out to rest, relax, and restore!

Copyright – Elizabeth J. Wheeler, October 4, 2022

Welcome to the Fall Fashion Report 2022 for Ladies-Of-A-Certain-Age!  

I publish a fashion report in the spring and autumn because the fashion industry has forgotten about us, even though we are one of the wealthiest segments in American society.  I think they have done this for two reasons: 1. Our culture does not value older women, and we become invisible. 2, We don’t spend as much money on clothes, accessories, and make-up as females half our age or younger.

So, it is challenging to know what to wear at this age.

I have been writing these fashion reports for almost ten years now! None of my blog posts are financially supplemented by anyone or any company. 

My information comes from many sources. I list them in the resource section. Also, I check out a few stores in my area. Then, I summarize my findings and tell you what is in my closet this season. 

One ground rule for these fashion reports is: Don’t judge your sister.  What she wears is her business and what you choose to wear is your business.

On with the report—

Inevitably, women tell me they don’t care about fashion at this age. But…they do want to be comfortable and not spend money and time shopping! 

I get it. I feel the same way. I would add I want to be comfortable and safe (like, not fall down while wearing fancy shoes) and camouflage the effects of age. And, of course (I admit!), look good.  

This season, ladies, we got it made because almost anything goes, as they say.  That’s right—no pants cut a certain way, pleasing colors, and an emphasis on using what you have—to save the planet, you know.  

So, where to begin?  Why answer these three questions I pose in each report:

1. What is your fashion personality? There are seven predominant style personalities. The labels change sometimes, but the descriptions don’t.  Once you know your fashion personality, you can quickly determine which of the new trends will work for you. 

If you don’t know your fashion personality, take this fun quiz.  

I have a casual classic style, so frilly, bling, or edgy trends don’t work for me. 

2 . We all have specific colors that naturally make us look and feel better. These colors in the fashion industry are often referred to as seasons: spring, summer, fall, and winter.  Once you know what colors are best, you can peruse the current hottest colors for the ones you like, and they will look good on you. If you don’t know your season here is a no-cost quiz to take.  I am the winter season. Besides knowing which colors are your best, you will also find which colors to avoid wearing next to your face—for example, black if you are a spring, summer or fall, and orange if you are a winter. Silver jewelry works best for summer and winter seasons, and gold for the others.  

3.  I call this question the practical one. It has three parts:  a. Do you know what is already in your closet? b. Do you need clothes for a particular reason? 3. What is your budget? Like most women our age, you probably have lots of clothes. Maybe you don’t need or want any. Perhaps, you have a special event coming up. These practical considerations will help you determine what to wear or buy this season. 

Frankly, this season you would be “stylish” if you wore your favorite jeans, a white tank top (or a t-shirt if you covered it with a jean jacket or open shirt), a choker necklace, pearl earrings,  boots or flats and carried your preferred purse. 

Now, here is a summary of my findings for Fall 2022. I hope they are helpful for you in choosing what to wear now.

Color— Pantone Fall 2022

Each season, the Pantone Institute determines the top colors for clothes and products, including paint and appliances. Below is a list of the 2022 fall colors I have summarized for you. Click on the links in the resource section for a description and the names for the actual colors 2022 Fall Colors.

Bright red

Orange-red

Bright orange

Orange

Yellow-brown

Grass green

Pea-green

Olive

Gray-green

Blueberry

Dark gray

Medium blue

Blue-green

Lightish blue

Violet

Dark pink

Pink

Light pink

Coffee

Carmel

Medium tan

These Fall 2022 trends caught my eye:

Clothes — (Please note: I left off the see-throughs, cropped tops, sheer clothing, tailored corsets, and bustiers because I don’t know one lady of a certain age that would wear them)

Preppy styles

Jeans – any length and pant style AND regular waist

Jean jackets

Bomber jackets

Tank tops 

Short sleeve shirts

Tailored blazer

Trench coats

Black dress pants

Little black dress

Print and solid colors

Jewelry — 

Pearls

Big pearls

Chunky chains

Chokers

Several necklaces that are worn together 

Bracelet cuff

Necklaces with charms

Flower shaped earrings

Fringe earrings 

Purses —

Furry and fluffy 

Art display

Small and large totes

Clutches

Top handle bags

Shoes — 

Over-the-knee-boots

Boots

Mary Janes

Clogs

Mules

Hairstyles –

Sleek ponytail

Long ponytail

Low ponytail

Sleek bun

Twisted updo

Roots showing (!)

‘90s layers

Face framing

Super-straight

Accessories –

Headbands

Makeup — 

Natural looking makeup 

Black graphic eyeliner on lids

Soft eyeliner

Bronze blush

Statement blush

Blue  eyeshadow

Classic red lips with pastel shadow                                                                                                                                                        

Nails —    

Nude

Glittery beige 

Metallic

Gray

White

Red

Semi-sheer

Green

What’s in my closet

I always “shop my closet” first. It reflects my traditional fashion personality—classic, casual—and the colors of the winter season. While at it, I purge my closet of worn clothing and donate them. I got out two big bags—one for tops and the other for bottoms. I tend to wear my clothes “forever,” and sometimes that’s precisely what my clothes look like—shabby.  Also, I went through my jewelry and filled a donation bag with what I doubt I’ll ever wear again (My old watches went into that bag because I wear my Apple Watch all the time since it will contact emergency providers if I fall.)

Clothes –

Mostly I need clothes for pickleball and yoga, warm clothes if it ever gets cooler where I live (We’ve broken all sorts of heat records this year), and some for the few dressy occasions I attend. Of course, I am “A blue jean baby” and have my favorite styles.   I do not need to replace any stretchy pants, dress pants, or warmer pants and jeans. I have enough long and short sleeve tops in the colors I wear most—purple, red, gray, pink, and black. The hues either match or are close to the Pantone colors this season. My upper arms are wrinkly, so I wear my beloved 20-year-plus  Ralph Loren jean jacket, rose-colored camp shirt, or white linen jacket over a white tank top or t-shirt. I need a new trench coat.

Jewelry –

I have several chocker chains

Strands of pearls in various lengths

Pearl earrings

A chunky cuff rainbow bracelet 

Lots of silver necklaces I can combine.

Accessories –

I have a fuchsia headband.

Purses –  

I am so happy to get out the classic Coach saddlebag I have had for years.  It is one of my all-time favorites. It has a top handle and a strap.

Shoes –

 I tried on mules and clogs and almost fell because of the lack of heel support. I have black leather slip-ons and Sketchers (fabric slip-ons), leather and fabric flats, and a variety of boots. 

A pair of Mary Janes would be fun. I don’t know if I should get leather or fabric (I live in an area of high desert, and we get little precipitation.)  Even though, thank goodness, I did not inherit the “family bunions,” I find fabric shoes more comfortable than leather. 

Hairstyle –

I’m keeping my slick straight bob for now. It is almost “wash and wear.”

Makeup –

I am adding more blush these days. Bronze blush would not look good with my skin tone. 

Yes, I can wear red lipstick but feel more comfortable in burgundy or maroon.

I only outline my upper eyelids because I harmed my eyes several years ago when I outlined both. Safety—not beauty or fashion—is my number one goal.

 I didn’t look pretty wearing light blue eyeshadow “back when.” Navy blue accentuates my hazel eyes. 

Nails –

Dark metallic green for my toes and either nude or pearly white for my fingernails.  

That’s it, folks! 

List of Sources:

Makeup

https://www.allure.com/gallery/fall-makeup-looks

Fall/Winter 2022-2023 Makeup Trends

Jewelry

https://www.vogue.com/article/the-fall-2022-jewelry-trend-report

https://www.marieclaire.com/fashion/jewelry-trends-fall-2022/

Nail Color and Trends

https://www.marieclaire.com/beauty/g4421/prettiest-spring-nail-colors/

https://www.instyle.com/beauty/nails/nail-trends-2022

Shoes

https://www.harpersbazaar.com/fashion/trends/g37665634/spring-2022-shoe-trends/

https://www.elle.com/fashion/g37500113/spring-2022-shoe-trends/

https://www.elle.com/fashion/trend-reports/a39028259/fall-2022-shoe-trends/

5 Fall 2022 Shoe Trends To Wear This Season

Bags

https://www.cosmopolitan.com/style-beauty/fashion/g37640984/spring-2022-bag-trends/

https://www.elle.com/fashion/trend-reports/a39028260/fall-2022-bag-trends/

Trends

If We Have to Give Up Swimsuits, We’ll Only Do It for These Fall Pants

https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbes-personal-shopper/2022/04/13/best-jeans-for-women

https://www.marieclaire.com/fashion/denim-trends-202

https://www.harpersbazaar.com/fashion/trends/g39135067/fall-2022-fashion-trends/

15 Biggest Fall Fashion Trends 2022 | Fall Runway Inspired Trends To Copy Now

https://www.instyle.com/fashion/seasonal/fall/fall-2022-fashion-trends-staples

Colors

Top 29 Fall 2022 Pantone Colors from NYFW & LFW

Hair

https://www.cosmopolitan.com/style-beauty/beauty/g39862816/fall-2022-hair-trends/

Copyright – Elizabeth J. Wheeler, August 24,  2022

Over 100 degrees for 10 days or more, the only time for me to play pickleball and socialize with my friends is a ghastly early hour of the morn.  That’s the situation most July and some August days in Western Colorado, where I live.  It’s hard for me not to be grumpy and tired.  It’s even more difficult if I hole up in my home and do not go anywhere.  Isolation does my psyche and physique no good.  A good swing at a pickleball and a good yak with a friend helps my body and soul. 

I never expected to experience an aha stellar insight when I chased down an errant ball rolling to the edge of the court that was still wet from irrigation water for the adjacent park.  I remember pursuing the yellow ball as it whirled round and round towards the corner of the court, right through a puddle of water.  I leaned down to retrieve the plastic ball stamped with its distinct pattern of holes. A refreshing blast of cool air bombarded my hot red face. I looked up and saw the green grass and leafy tree screen of the park. Oh, my, just for an instant, I experienced a teensy respite from the brutal blaze of the sun.  

It wasn’t possible to linger there.  After all, three people were eagerly awaiting my return to the court and to finish the hotly contested contest we were having.

Later it occurred to me that other moments of relief happened when life wasn’t so cool, so to speak.  If I could be on the lookout for them. I might be able to at least get a breather in trying times. 

One such event occurred a few days later while I was driving my car and the driver in front of me did an annoying thing. I could feel the tension. For some reason, I looked up and saw a puffy cloud. My stress dissipated like magic. 

When I got home, I sat on my living room couch and looked out the window. I saw my neighbor’s red rose. It seemed magnetized and magical.  A calm came over me.

Stress and tension seem to thicken the very air these days. 

I got to thinking about these little respites of relief and decided to look for them. After all, a ball rolling through cool water, a big cloud, and a rose brought me peace. Maybe I would find more bliss if I started looking. 

Of course, I know other tricks to calm down. There are things over the years I have learned to do at these moments. If only I could remember to use them.

I remembered hearing Norman Vincent Peale—yes, THE Norman Vincent Peale—speak at a luncheon I went to a good 40 years ago.  He was talking about stress and suggested having scenic scenes in your mind you could summon when life got tough.  

I’m not sure I would have the presence of mind to do that, but I could make myself a little mental photo album. It would have lots of pictures of sunsets and flowers and grandkids and pets in it. 

Another trick I could use is a skill I have learned from the zillion yoga classes I have taken. I remember one instructor saying, “Change your breath, to change your attitude.”  If nothing else, focusing on good-old belly breathing gets your mind off what’s happening. It’s very unobtrusive. Unless you are with a master yoga teacher, no one is going to know you are breathing deep, holding it for a couple of counts, and slowly releasing it.  I always feel better when I do mindful breathing.

An additional teensy respite to release distress came to mind. It is a suggestion from the Queen of Hearts, herself in Alice in Wonderland.  The Queen said to the King something like, “It won’t hurt dear if you don’t make a memorandum of it!”

Oh, dear, then there is Emmett Fox.  Emmett Fox? Why, yes.  Wikipedia identifies him as an Irish New Thought spiritual leader of the early 20th century. One of the tidbits I remember reading from his books is to stay out of murky waters. Who wants to walk in dirty water after all?  My interpretation of “murky waters” are unpleasant critical thoughts or what I call “mind bitching.” Sure it gives me relief at times, but nothing is as refreshing as a whiff of cool air and the view of green I experienced on the pickleball court.  I’m most prone to wander in those waters when I am tired.  I try and remind myself each morn not to wade into murky water during the day.  

As I pondered teensy respites for release of distress, a new trick I recently learned is the 10-minute afternoon nap.  Like many ladies of a certain age, I have back problems.  Fortunately for me, I do not have much pain.  The chronic condition is tiring, though. So, what works for me is to drape my back over my bed, extend my arms over my head, resting them above me, and dangle my legs down from my knees over the edge of the bed Sometimes I drift off to sleep. Before getting up, I lift my legs straight up. You could say it is a version of the yoga pose, “legs up the wall,” for a couple of minutes. I get up refreshed and ready for the rest of the day.  

Oh yes, a great release for me is to take my dog for a walk.  This time of year, I get up early to avoid the heat. Dog Dolly and I are out the door early.  With the cool, enlivening breeze of a new day, birds chirping, and quiet, I experience a teeny respite of relief from stress.  When we get home, I give Dolly a treat and then I head to the court or yoga studio. It’s way too hot for Dolly to go with me in the car.   In the evening, I like to sit on my enclosed sunporch with Katie, my feline, on my lap.  There is nothing like the comfort of a cat as the sun goes down. 

Copyright – Elizabeth J. Wheeler, August 1, 2022

What are your memories of July 4, Independence Day?

Until recently,  as a child and an adult, I had many fond memories of this summer holiday. 

-Skipping and dancing  and twirling sparklers under a starry night

-Playing with cousins

-Eating my aunt’s special cake—chocolate prune, which was delicious

-Making a fun holiday for my children and neighbors when the town we lived in had no fireworks

-Eating red cherries, so prolific from the Western Slope of Colorado

-Enjoying my kids, and mostly-golden-retriever, Daisy Mae, marching in a July 4th parade

-Donning white capris and a red, white, and blue striped t-shirt

-Writing about a special neighbor who decorated all of our yards in Murder and a Victory Garden

-Giggling grandchildren

-Decorating the house with flags and Uncle Sam

-Watching fireworks from a grassy knoll. 

-July 4th was fun and magical!

Now, July 4th for me is sad, depressing, melancholy, and disgusting.  

-A neighbor asks, “Are those fireworks going off, or gunshots?

-Few of my neighbors fly the flag. I don’t. It has such a different meaning now.

-Lots of boos and hisses—instead of clapping and cheering— from the crowd as certain 4th of July  parade entries go by.

-See the police cars. What happened? Am I safe?

-See the fire trucks. Did some crazy start one? 

-What is that stinky smell in the air?

-Why do people play music so loud?

-Where’s the dog?

-How many people committed suicide?

-Lots of illegal fireworks booming days before and after July 4.

I stop these dire thoughts and take a moment to remember family members who have served this country.

-Robert Wheeler, 1715, Albany County Militia

-William Wilhelm Wheeler, Revolutionary War

-William Wheeler, Captured Nov. 30, 1864 Battle of Franklin, Tennessee, Civil War

-Robert Wheeler, Eighth Airforce, bombardier, 32 missions, World War II

-Justin Wheeler Verhey, commander tank patrol, Bosnian War 

All of these family members are heroes to me.  None of them are losers.

After the 1970s, I  never wanted to hear again Stephen Stills song, “For What It’s Worth (Stop, Hey, What’s That Sound.)”  I never dreamed it would have meaning to me in 2022.  I have a hard time getting it out of my head.

There’s something happenin’ here

What it is ain’t exactly clear

There’s a man with a gun over there

A tellin’ me I got to beware

I think it’s time we stop, children 

What’s that sound 

Everybody look what’s goin’ down

There’s battle lines being drawn

Nobody’s right if everybody’s wrong

Young people speakin’ their minds

Gettin’ so much resistance from behind

It’s time we stop,

Hey, what’s that sound

Everybody look what’s goin’ down

What a field day for the heat

A thousand people in the street

Singin’ songs and a’carryin’ signs

Mostly say “hooray for our side!”

It’s time we stop, 

Hey, what’s that sound 

Everybody look what’s goin’ down

Paranoia strikes deep

Into your life it will creep

It starts when your always afraid

Step out of line the man come and take you away

We better stop

Hey, what’s that sound

Everybody look what’s goin’ down 

Copyright – Elizabeth J. Wheeler, July 1, 2022

I recently emailed my friend and asked her how she celebrated her birthday. Her response really touched me. “I had an ordinary day,” she wrote and then relayed she had been with family and friends, nothing unusual or special.  

The words “ordinary day” seemed to roar and reverberate through my body and soul. It dawned on me how special ordinary days can be. So??

What was going on with me? So the next morning, I asked myself in front of my kitchen window with a cup of coffee and notebook in hand. The answer was surprisingly impressive and has changed my life.

I looked out the window and saw the sun shining on the newly leafed out hawthorn tree, the clouds in the sky appeared to have been painted by Georgia O’Keefe, herself, and yellow tulips opened to greet the new April day.  How beautiful and peaceful the scene was.

Dog Dolly was softly chomping on a white boiled bone under the kitchen table at my feet. A tuxedo cat, Katie Lane Lynch, squatted a parking space in my lap. She had not let me out of her sight since I arrived home from vacationing in Greece a couple of weeks before.  

Ah, Greece, I thought. I had seen many ancient wonders, olive trees, and beautiful sunsets reflected in three different seas: the Mediterranean, Aegean, and Ionian.  I met wonderful people, ate sumptuous meals, and listened to divine music played on antiquated string instruments. 

It was a humbling experience to travel to this ancient land, a dream of my girlhood come true.  

But, it was so good to be home—to see the sun highlight new leaves, ponder the puffiness of floating clouds, and see the unfolding of springtime in the yellow tulips again. The contented chewing sound of a favorite bone and soft cat purring seemed strangely like divine organ church music.

It was easy to be drinking strong, hot, black coffee (cowboy coffee, my chuck-wagon-cook grandmother used to call it) in my pajamas, no makeup on, hair uncombed. Not to mention my kitchen table is a hop, skip, and jump from my bedroom. I didn’t have to dress for the day, descend many steps and turn and twist around corners of buildings way older than my 75 years.  There was no breakfast line to go through, with mask and gloves on as required by the Greek authorities. I did not have to make any decisions about what to eat for breakfast.  I was having ‘my usual” cereal and fruit.  It tasted so good.  

I slept soundly on orchid-colored flannel sheets on a bed heated with an electric blanket the night before.  I didn’t have to figure out how to turn on and off lights.  I just said, “Alexa, turn on or turn off plug one.” She always  cheerfully responded with “Ok.” The room’s temperature was easy to control. There is never a need to assess how to stop shivering,  

Did I mention being keen on using my toilet? In Greece, like many other parts of the world, the plumbing system readily clogs if you throw toilet paper down it. So you throw the used paper in a waste can close by. Sometimes I forgot and felt awful. It is such a habit to throw it in the toilet. Usually, I empty my bathroom trash can once a week. In Greece, that would be such a stinky chore unless you did it at least daily. 

Thinking about the view from the kitchen window again, I realized I was looking at my backyard during a premier time of year: spring.  Only a month or so ago, there were no budding leaves on the hawthorn tree, no sprightly green tulip leaves could be seen, and the puffy clouds didn’t remind me of Georgia O’keefe’s paintings because the sun was still ‘a sleepyhead.’ 

I sent my friend an email asking her to expand on her thoughts about the description she used for her birthday, ‘an ordinary day.’ 

She wrote back, “I’m not sure where I got that but it seems to me as we age the ordinary changes and can be fleeting as we face the inevitable losses that come our way. I guess I’m trying to focus on being grateful for the little, ordinary things.  My faith reminds me that all things are sacred. Just noticing and saying thank you is a good practice for me.”

What beautiful words!

For me, I came to understand I didn’t have to go to ancient lands to experience the beauty and comfort of each day. Of course, it was glorious to see the sunset seemingly in the sea.  But, I am a mountain girl and am always in awe watching it set on the purple majesties of the Rocky Mountains or the red rock of the Book Cliff Mountains, particularly on mystical Mount Garfield, the sentinel of Colorado’s high desert, visible from my front porch. 

It’s good to travel. 

It is so good to come home.

I’m embracing an attitude of gratitude for an ordinary day—flannel sheets and all.  

Copyright – Elizabeth J. Wheeler, May 30, 2022

A month ago, I got back home after completing a major bucket list item:  I went to Greece to celebrate my 75th birthday.  Yes, I had a spectacular time overall and will never forget the people I met and the places I saw.  

Of my dozen-plus international trips, Greece was the hardest. They say fear is a warning that should not be ignored. Fortunately, I heeded this wise advice before I ventured out. I believe if I hadn’t, I would have suffered dire consequences such as an anxiety attack and needing medical attention in a foreign country.  I had so looked forward to the 14-day tour of Athens and the heart of Greece offered by Rick Steves.  I have used his books and travel advice for many of my overseas adventures.  Fear was not going to stop me.

Before taking effective action underlying the causes of my distress,  I had to come to awareness and acceptance of what caused my anxiety.  I identified these five adversities: Covid and restrictions, the Ukrainian war, leaving friends and family members who have challenges, technology, and age.

1. Covid and various restrictions — I decided I would not let this disease continue to interrupt my life — after all, I was soon to be 75-years-old. I would wear masks and show vaccination proof wherever required. I would do what I had to do to get a 24-hour test before the tour commenced. 
2. Ukrainian war —I contacted the tour office about my Ukrainian war concern. They responded they were observing the situation and would immediately cancel the tour if harm was imminent.  They also advised me Ukraine is over 1,000 miles from Greece.  
3. Friends and family members — I decided to be available if need be via an international phone plan that cost me $100.
4. Technology is an inherent challenge that every baby boomer I know has. But, it is what it is — after all, I learned to type on a manual typewriter! So, I would do the best I could and not berate myself.
5. My most pressing angst was acknowledging that this ol’ gal is slowing down, and the world is speeding up! Big airports, foreign languages, and digital dilemmas scare the bejeebers out of me.

The central taproot of my distress was grounded in the four planes and airports I would enter and exit to reach Athens, Greece, from my small community in Western Colorado and the return journey. All of this travel would take about 24 hours each way.  Below are tips and tricks I took to ensure I safely steered on this incredible journey and other sage advice attained during my travels to and from this ancient land. Also, I have included travel suggestions offered by two of my friends who ventured forth to various parts of this country while I was abroad.  

TSA Precheck

Frankly, I am tired of getting frisked by agents. I don’t know what triggers their concern that this boney gray-haired grandma might blow up a plane. Fortunately, I applied for a TSA Precheck weeks before leaving because processing can take a while.  The drawback to TSA Precheck is that it only applies to US airports. Thankfully, the TSA agents in the foreign airports I went through did not feel the need to paw me. 

Wheelchair

Ordering a wheelchair for me was the hardest thing — but most valuable — I did for myself. Although I can walk, I was concerned about getting to my connecting flights, particularly in countries where I do not know the language. In addition, it seems that airports reproduce parts of themselves daily and change the location of other components. I didn’t know whether or not I should tip the person pushing the wheelchair, so I looked online and found it customary in most countries. So I carried Euros and dollars with me for the tips. 

Besides having a person know where to take you to get to your next flight, people in wheelchairs do not have to wait to board a flight in the customary long, long lines.  The airport employees know where the restrooms are and will even park the chair outside a bathroom and wait for you to return.

Seat Location

I love sitting next to a window and watching the world.  But, on flights lasting more than a couple of hours, the window seat requires you to scoot past those sitting next to you in the row whenever you need to vacate your seat. The longest flight I had on this trip was nine hours. A window seat assignment meant me awkwardly climbing over people three times during the flight to use the restroom. An aisle seat eliminated this problem.

Business Economy Class

Although it cost me more money, it was worth it not to be in coach because there are fewer people and fewer rows of seats in business economy class.  

Flight Entertainment

I use Kindle on my phone to read books.  It is easier than lugging a Kindle or books with you.

Unfortunately, I never figured out how to watch movies during the flights. How to watch films is one of the significant technological changes made since my last international flight five years ago. Frankly, the flight attendants were so busy I did not have an opportunity to ask them.  I tried looking up the information on my airline’s website (United) but found no information. 

Technology

Everything is done on a smartphone, from checking in to going through customs.  I have one of the newer Apple models, so I had no problem. I did pack the charger with me along with a recharger.  In my carry-on, I keep a file folder with printed copies of all flight information, hotels, travel insurance, etc., as a security backup.

Ground Transportation

I was concerned for my safety using taxis, Uber, and subways getting to and from the Athens airport. So, I contacted the hotel desk where I was staying to arrange transportation for me. Of course, it was more expensive, but I felt safe since the hotel routinely worked with these companies.

No Check-In Luggage

I have used one carry-on suitcase and one tote bag for all of my international travels.  Over the years, it has saved me numerous troubles because I always have my things with me and don’t have to go to baggage claim.  The longest I have packed for is 21 days. On this trip, I packed for 17.  I brought: Three pairs of black pull-on pants and a pair of jeans,  five knit tops, ten pairs of panties, three bras, a down vest, a rain jacket with a hood,  a scarf,  two pairs of inexpensive earrings, a vest with inside pockets, light-weight flannel pajamas, two pairs of black sturdy shoes, sandals, a straw hat, mittens, and a stocking cap. At one of the hotels where we stayed two nights, I washed my underwear the first night, using the hotel’s soap bar, so my clothes had time to dry. After washing them, I hung them wherever I could in the room. In the future, I will include a pair of long johns for warmth if needed and to sleep in towards the end of the trip. Also,  I will include a knee brace, which I have used occasionally over the years. It snowed in Greece one day. I wore several of my shirts for layers under the vest and rain jacket. Fortunately, I checked the weather before going. The forecast did not predict the snow but did show colder weather than I expected in Greece.

Food

I pack a bag of trail mix, Starbucks instant coffee, instant oatmeal, and hot chocolate. I was fed well on these international flights and did not need any of this food.  Only a few of the hotels had hot water available in the room. When it was, I joyfully started my day with a cup of Joe. 

Travel Ideas From My Friends

I thanked my lucky stars when I heard about their flying woes. I would have been sunk for sure if I had experienced delayed or canceled flights as they did. Technology was a challenge for both of them. One friend thought she would do better if she could talk to the airline desk. She waited and waited in the long line. In the end, she would have been better off using the technology on the phone. The other friend who experienced something similar stressed the importance of flexibility, deep breaths, patience, and humor.  

Tips: pack tortilla roll-ups to skip crowded airport restaurants, recheck status, scarves for warmth and change the look of your apparel, two pairs of shoes, a clothespin for those drapes that don’t really close, and a gallon bag to wash clothes in, using a soap leaf.  

Copyright – Elizabeth J. Wheeler, May 4,  2022

This past February 25th, I was sitting at my kitchen table eating breakfast, drinking coffee, and preparing to write my daily “Dear Goddess” letter, a journal of sorts. Before I write it, I read a few inspirational passages that help guide me on my path.  

That cold winter morning Melody Beattie’s words from More Language of Letting Go, published in 2000, woke me up like no strong cup of Joe has ever woken me up. Maybe because at the end of March,I would turn 75, but her words that day riveted my soul even though I have read them each of the 22 years since they were published.

“I was astonished by the number of experiences I’ve had,”  she told a friend.  

Melody went on to list some of them. “I’ve been a pauper, drug addict, a codependent, a Midwestern housewife, a single parent on welfare, a secretary, a journalist, etc.”

Wow. Looking out the window by my kitchen table, I got to thinking about my own life. I, too, was astonished by the number of experiences I’ve had. It was an amazing glance back. I was in awe and in a state of gratitude. Never as a child or a young adult would I have guessed what was ahead. Like Melody, I have lived through both good and painful times. And, as Melody wrote, I came to the conclusion, “There’s nothing left for me to do.”

In the reading, Melody’s friend piped up and reminded her there was one thing she wanted to do that she hadn’t yet: Jump out of airplanes. Melody then goes on to write how she began to parachute.

I got up and made myself another cup of coffee. I have never in my life wanted to parachute out of airplanes, but what more did I want to do with my life?

After a couple of swigs of my freshly made second cup of coffee, I picked up my notebook and decided I try and figure out what was next. But, first I wanted to write down what I had done in my 74 years on this planet. Here is an abbreviated listing of my astonishing exploration: red-headed NICU patient, gray-haired grandmother, Monroe Street children’s circus organizer (age 8), researcher on an oil-shale project, fighter for tobacco laws in Colorado, library grant writer,  Al-Anon sponsor, newspaper columnist, Heidi, Robyn and Justin’s mother, nonprofit executive director, soccer mom, La Leche League leader, pet mom to 7 dogs and 6 cats, traveler to 11 countries, and 49 states, gardener, public relations executive, mystery writer, homeowner, divorcee, pickleball player, lover of old houses.

Oh, my. I looked out my window again and spotted a hawk high in my neighbor’s tree. And to think, I thought at this age I would be a married woman of more than 50 years, a woman planning each week her next Sunday dinner for friends and family, a retired part-time college professor, owner of a bungalow near Denver’s Washington Park, bridge player, and—amazingly, a tourist to five European countries in seven days!  

Of course, I never dreamed I would own a computer, let alone have one on my wrist (Apple Watch) more powerful than the computer I used at the University of Colorado in the early 1970s. 

So, now what?  

I think I’ll keep on, keeping on and doing what I enjoy doing. This includes writing, pickleball, gardening, travel, enjoying my teenage grandchildren, living on the amazing western slope of Colorado, walking my dog, yoga, hugging my cat, etc. 

And, we will see. It seems to me that so much of what I have done were opportunities that occurred to me, writing this daily letter.  

Where have you been?

Where are you going?

Copyright – Elizabeth J. Wheeler, March 10,  2022

Welcome to the Spring Fashion Report 2022 for Ladies-Of-A-Certain-Age!  

I publish a fashion report in the spring and autumn because the fashion industry has forgotten about us, even though we are one of the wealthiest segments in American society. I think they have done this for two reasons: 1. Our culture does not value older women, and we become invisible. 2. We don’t spend as much money on clothes, accessories, and makeup as females half our age or younger.

So, it is challenging to know what to wear at this age.

I have been writing these fashion reports for almost ten years now! Like all my blog posts, these blogs posts are not financially supplemented by anyone or any company. 

There is one ground rule for these fashion reports: Don’t judge your sister. What she wears is her business and what you choose to wear is your business.

My information comes from many sources. I list them in the source section. Also, I check out a few stores in my area. Finally, I give you a summary of my findings and tell you what is in my closet this spring. 

On with the report—Yes, Affordable Fashion—It’s as easy as 1, 2, 3! Once you know the answers to these three questions, you will always know what to wear, and you will look great!

1. What is your fashion personality? There are seven predominant style personalities. The labels change sometimes, but the descriptions don’t. Once you know you fashion personality, you can quickly determine which of the new trends will work for you. 

If you don’t know your fashion personality, take this fun quiz.  

I have a classic causal personality fashion style, so frilly, bling or edgy trends don’t work for me. 

2 . We all have specific colors that naturally make us look and feel better. These colors in the fashion industry are often referred to as seasons: spring, summer, fall, and winter. Once you know what colors are best, you can peruse the current hottest colors for those you like and look good on you. If you don’t know your color season, here is a fun, no-cost quiz to take. I am a winter season.

3. I call this question the practical one. There are three parts to it:  a. Do you know what is already in your closet? b. Do you need clothes for a particular reason? 3. What is your budget? Like most women our age, you probably have lots of clothes. On the other hand, maybe you don’t need or want any. Perhaps, you have a special event coming up. These practical considerations will help you determine what to wear or buy this season. 

Now, here is a summary of my findings for Spring 2022. I hope they are helpful for you to choose what to wear now.

These Spring 2022 trends caught my eye:

Color— Pantone Spring 2022

The Pantone Institute each season determines the top colors, not only for clothes but also for all sorts of products, including paint and appliances. Below is a list of the 2022 spring colors I have summarized for you. Click on the links to a description and name for the actual colors. 

Bright red

Buttery yellow

Coral

Daffodil

Yellow-green

Soft green

Light blue

Medium blue

Soft blue-green

Medium blue-green

Light royal blue

Soft orchid

Violet plum

Light pink

Pink

Dark pink

Hot pink

Neutral tones –

White, soft beige, soft camel, caramel brown, mocha, soft gray, medium gray

Spring/Summer 2022 Color Trends

Clothes —

Cropped tops

Lots of skin showing

Gingham checks

Jumpsuits

Crochet dresses and tops

Color blocking

Very sheer dresses

Mini skirts

Bold color

Pants – various lengths, widths (no leggings)

Fringe

Jewelry — 

Pearls

Chunky  chains

Chokers

Rainbow chokers, necklaces, bracelets

Bicep cuffs

Necklaces with charms

Body chains

Accessories —

Headbands

Triangle head scarfs

Hair clips

Jeweled bobby-pins 

Purses —

Crochet

Small and large totes

Bucket bags

Party purses

Shaped purses (I loved the pizza slice one!)

Shoes — 

Chunky sandals

Platforms

Clogs

Mules

Western boots

Interesting heel designs

Hairstyles –

Chignons

Slick Straight

Middle part

Easy braids

Makeup —  

Statement blush

Neon eyeshadow

Glossy lips

Embellished eyes (crystals scattered around eyes)

Classic red lips

Nails                                                                                                                                                             

Blue

Lavender

Black

Pink

Rainbow color tips

“Milk foam” (white over color polish)                                                                                                                                             

What’s in my closet

I always “shop my closet” first. It reflects my traditional fashion personality—classic—and the colors of the winter season. This season I do have coming up a trip on my bucket list. I bought pants and tops because the ones I have are worn. I purchased a gray top, similar to the Pantone medium gray color, and a soft rose, which is not a current Pantone Color. It is an excellent color for winters, however.

Clothes –

By-stretch black slim-leg pants (These are perfect for yoga and pickleball, as well as traveling)

3/4 sleeve v-neck tops in gray and soft rose. I have a variety of short-sleeve t-shirts and one gingham shirt, as well as capris. I fell in love with a soft gray jumpsuit. I loved wearing jumpsuits, back when. 

Jewelry –

I have a chocker chain with rainbow colors on white (A Michals find years ago-maybe $5!)

Pearl studs

Pearl hoops

Accessories

In the mystery I am writing, Murder and a Blue Spruce, sleuth Ellen is knitting headbands in the hot Pantone colors of 1960, which are very similar to today’s colors. I will wear the headband mostly at night because I live in an area of intense sun and wear a hat during the day.

The jeweled hair clips I bought add a touch of fun and help to keep my hair out of my eyes.

Purses –  

I have a large gray tote that I will use for my travels, and I bought a small crochet shoulder bag that I will put inside it and use on my excursions and this summer.

Shoes –

I need to buy new black clunky sandals that I will live in this summer

Hairstyle –

I’m keeping my slick straight bob for now. Hair clips and fancy bobby pins will help keep it out of my eyes.

Makeup –

I am adding more blush these days. 

I love glossy lips.

Nails –

Do I really need to buy another bottle of nail polish? I asked myself. I have at least ten bottles already. So, I’ve been going with the “milk foam” trend and enjoying the creativity. Put one of the colors on and then top it with white or rose quartz. I like wearing the shear rose quartz alone. Also, I have a bottle of lavender I might use. My toesies are painted a hot pink. 

That’s it, folks! 

List of Sources:

Makeup

https://www.harpersbazaar.com/beauty/makeup/g37806422/spring-2022-makeup-trends/

Jewelry

https://www.marieclaire.com/fashion/g37960550/spring-2022-jewelry-trends/

https://www.cosmopolitan.com/style-beauty/fashion/g37696245/spring-2022-jewelry-trends/

Nail Color and Trends

https://www.marieclaire.com/beauty/g4421/prettiest-spring-nail-colors/

https://www.instyle.com/beauty/nails/nail-trends-2022

Shoes

https://www.harpersbazaar.com/fashion/trends/g37665634/spring-2022-shoe-trends/

https://www.elle.com/fashion/g37500113/spring-2022-shoe-trends/

Bags

https://www.cosmopolitan.com/style-beauty/fashion/g37640984/spring-2022-bag-trends/

Trends

https://www.cosmopolitan.com/style-beauty/fashion/g37620491/spring-2022-fashion-trends/

https://www.instyle.com/fashion/clothing/spring-2022-fashion-trends

https://www.vogue.com/article/spring-2022-fashion-trend-report

Colors

https://www.pantone.com/articles/fashion-color-trend-report/new-york-fashion-week-spring-summer-2022

2022 Spring Colors

Spring/Summer 2022 Color Trends

Hair

https://www.harpersbazaar.com/beauty/hair/g37807151/spring-2022-hair-trends/

Copyright – Elizabeth J. Wheeler, February 7, 2022

Are you feeling like you have lost a chunk of your life lately? Or, maybe like you have lost the zip in your step? Or, like you just don’t know what to do these days?

My answer to all of those questions is, “You bet, and I don’t like feeling that way!”

Thank goodness I remembered one of my favorite authors, Julia Cameron, suggested taking me on an “Artist Date.” It is one of her cornerstone tools in The Artist’s Way, which has sold over five million copies since published in 1992, and Seeking Wisdom, her latest published last month. I’ve read both of these books, and they have made a mountainous impact on my life. 

An Artist Date is what I need at this time. (And, it’s February, Valentine’s Month, perfect for dates.) I’ve been on a few of these dates now, and I am happy to report I have regained my vim and vigor, people (and my dog and cat) like me more, and I know what to do to get out of this snit (A word I learned from a friend who “grew up Southern,”) which means sulky, grouchy, grumpy, etc. 

The 5 Ws of an Artist Date —

1. What is an Artist Date?

It is a pre-planned activity with no agenda that somehow increases your sensitivity to better things ahead. You don’t have to dress up for them (even though I always do) or spend any money.  

2. Who Goes on an Artist Date?

Just you. I admit I often bring my dog along for companionship while traveling. However, my dog has never gone into the actual venues.

3. Where Do You Go on an Artist Date?

Wherever your little heart desires.  

Recently, I went to the Montrose Regional Airport in Montrose, Colorado, which is about 50 miles from my home. I wanted to go there because Southwest Airlines uses that terminal instead of the much larger airport in Grand Junction, where I live. Also, since I have lots of Southwest Frequent Flyer Miles, I wanted to see if it was worth the drive to use them. Afterward, I went to a marvelous second-hand store, Heirlooms for Hospice, in Montrose.

About a week before that date,  I woke up one morning thinking about cappuccinos. I have not had one of these marvelous espresso drinks in heavens knows when. So, I called my favorite coffee shop, The Artful Cup, operated by HopeWest for their HopeWest Kids program for young people who have experienced a death of a loved one. The shop is in an old farmhouse and has great craft and art items for sale. It helps to fund a unique program, one I wish was available to my sister, age 13, and me, age 16, and our father when my mom died in 1964.  

Because of the high levels of Covid where I live, I avoid indoor spaces such as art galleries or the butterfly pavilion at the local botanic gardens.

If we ever have a spell of cold and snowy weather again, I have discovered the joys of  Rick Steves Travel Programs on YouTube and plan to go to several countries from the comfort of my couch.

4. When Do You Go on an Artist Date?

Julia Cameron suggests weekly. I generally go on Saturday because that is the day of the week I first picked since I worked “nine-to-five” when I initially read The Artist Way.

You can go any day your little heart desires.

5. Why do you go on an Artist Date?

According to almost 74-years-old Julia Cameron in her latest book, Seeking Wisdom: A Spiritual Path to Creativity, “(An Artist Date)..is a once-a-week, solo adventure that you take just for fun. Think of is an “assigned play.” It is during Artist Dates that I often experience synchronicity—the phenomenon of uncanny good luck or coincidence—and feel a sense of connection to God.”

I’ve been using the Artist Date to get out of a funk. There is something magical for me to plan and carry out an adventure. Frankly, I see things that I usually don’t see, and I see them differently. For example, during my recent drive to Montrose, there was a collar of white clouds hugging the top part of Colorado’s Grand Mesa and then the San Juan Mountains. What a simple joy these clouds were, but exquisite. Sitting at the Artful Cup amongst all the artwork, I experienced stress releasing from my whole body. I could almost see it as the rising of the steam coming from the cup of coffee.  

After the Date is Over

Evaluation helps me solidify my experience. I think about my adventure several days after I get back home. This debriefing gives me clues about what’s going on with me and ideas for future dates. Julia Cameron believes Artist’s Date help with creativity. 

I have found this to be true. For example, the plot for the ladies-of-a-certain-age mystery I am writing, Murder and a Blue Spruce, is challenging. Unlike the two I have already published–Murder and Pink Blossoms and Murder and a Victory Garden--I have to develop the whole story. I did not even know I would write mysteries until one day, the entire scenario for Murder and Pink Blossoms bombarded my head. I had not written fiction since I was a college freshman. (Boy, what an experience it has been to educate myself about this form of writing.)  For Murder and a Victory Garden, I creatively used for the storyline an actual murder that happened not far from where I was living.

Disclaimer: Since its inception in 2013, this blog has not been financially or otherwise supported by any company or entity.  

Copyright – Elizabeth J. Wheeler, February 1, 2022

Yeah!  I got to visit with several old friends this holiday season.  There is nothing like talking with a buddy.  We covered lots of topics I only discuss with people I feel close to and comfortable with. I always learn something, and my burdens — if you will — are lessened.

With the start of the new year, I wanted to share with you these nine quick tips for health, wealth and happiness that I gleaned.  Here goes:

Health

Sugar consumption and prediabetes 

Recently, I was diagnosed as prediabetic.  Neither my doc nor I could believe it because I’m a “skinny chick.”  Some of my friends have dealt with this concern too.  I told my friends  my oldest daughter said, “Mom, you are always eating something sweet.”  (There’s nothing like a daughter to point out the errors of your ways!). Well, I took a look at what she said.  Yep, I do have a cookie or sweet with mid-morning coffee, another for a snack in the afternoon, and – in my opinion—dinner is not complete without dessert.  Also, I shared with my friends, except for one aunt who developed diabetes in her 80s, no one else in my family had. I always thought it was because she loved to bake cakes. I learned the condition is part of the aging process. Maybe more of my relatives would have been diabetic if they had lived long enough.  I have already outlived many of my relatives.  

I started looking at the nutritional information for the food and beverages I consumed and was amazed at how much sugar was in them.  So, I switched what I ate and drank to those with less sugar.  Also, I cut the proportion; for example, instead of eating say a whole cookie, I ate part of one.  

Sleep aid: foot massage before going to bed

When the subject of sleep came up, I shared with my friends that there’s nothing like after getting my pajamas on and sitting on my bed, to massage my feet with lotion.  Then I put socks on and climb into a warm bed!

It’s fascinating how you can rub out aches and stress from different parts of the feet.  Circulation is improved too.

A unique piece of exercise equipment

Of course, my buddies and I talked about our pets.  I shared how my exercise routine changed after my beloved Airedale Terrier, Bonnie Buttercup, died in June.  I just did not go out walking by myself.  

Walking is one of the best exercises for ladies-of-a-certain age: Weight control and bone strength are frequently noted as major benefits.  I have found that walking always improves my mood.  There’s nothing like being outdoors, noticing what’s new in nature that day, and talking with neighbors.  My new dog, Dolly, who is mostly Airedale and Australian Shepard, now is my best physical and mental piece of “exercise equipment.” I use “it” every day.

Wealth

Money inventory

A couple of my friends are going through challenging marital problems.  They have been married for many years.  We talked about knowing where your money is located.  Like me, my friends delegated accounting and finances to their mates.  I recalled when my former husband was on a business trip, I investigated our finances.  It was a real shock.  I thought he made far more money than he did. 

Regardless of marital status, the financial disclosure form used in the divorce or separation process is a great way to organize and summarize finances. The form is available on the Internet.

Does your executor or family member know where your money is or even the key to your house?

Another friend told me about her brother’s visit over the holidays.  He is her executor.  She realized if something happened to her, he would not even know how to get into her house, nor would he know her finances or passwords.

This story really impressed me because a good friend of mine had a severe stroke while holiday shopping this year. Fortunately, the store employees recognized something was wrong and called an ambulance. This woman is very physically fit and often beats me in pickleball.  It impressed upon me to make sure my executor and medical durable power of attorney have updated information such as health insurance, medicare card, and a copy of my driver’s license.

Previous blogs and chapter four in my book Paths – A Primer for Ladies-of-a-Certain Age A Workbook for the Road Ahead,  It’s 3 a.m. in the Morning. Do You Know Where Your Money Is? (July, 2017) and Where Does Money Come Into All of This? have more information.

What Happens To You If You Run Out of Money When You Are in a Nursing Home?

Another friend shared she was concerned that she and her siblings might have to pay for their mother’s nursing home care when her mom ran out of money.  I remembered this was a concern former neighbors had.  They sold the mother’s home to pay for expenses., Medicaid paid when all of their mother’s financial resources were exhausted.  Now, the internet can answer many financial questions.  I forwarded this link to my friend: Who Pays for a Nursing Home When You Run Out of Money?

Happiness

During the visits with my friends, I shared with them three gems I have recently discovered to help me be happy.  They told me about techniques they were using, many of which were similar to mine.

Stay out of murky waters 

I do have a close friend of many, many years who I have never formally met or talked with.  Her name is Melody Beattie.  She has authored numerous books, including More Language of Letting Go.  Each morning while I am eating breakfast, I read the daily excerpt.  Monday, December 13, I read this one  entitled “Let go of afflicted emotional streams.”  

Melody wrote, “Most teachers of our times and from times long past—from the Dalai Lama to Emmet Fox—agree on one thing:  stay away from murky, afflicted emotional streams.  Avoid them at all costs.”  She listed some afflicted streams such as envy, regret, resentment victimization, and fear.  That reading resonated with me.  I came up with a slogan for myself so I could easily remember this concept:  “Stay out of Murky Waters.”  My happiness has increased.

E rimetti a noi i nostri debiti

Come noi li rimettiamo ai nostri debitori

When I was studying Italian in the 1990s, I would attend Mass at Denver’s Mount Carmel Catholic Church because Mass was celebrated in Italian, a language not passed down to me by my maternal family who immigrated from Southern Italy. My grandfather was born a block away from this incredibly beautiful church.  

As a result, I learned a number of Catholic prayers in Italian, including the Lord’s Prayer.  The mystery I am writing, Murder and a Blue Spruce takes place in this neighborhood.  Ellen, the female sleuth and a lady-of-a-certain-age, attends a funeral mass at this church and hears the priest and congregation say, E rimetti a noi i nostri debiti Come noi li rimettiamo ai nostri debitori, which means in English, forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.  Recently, I have read books by both Emmet Fox, a spiritual leader during the depression, and Tiny Turner’s new book on her spirituality, Happiness Becomes You.  Both expound on a daily practice to forgive.  

Hold Up That Stop Sign

It’s easy to get off on a negative tangent.  Several of my friends knew about this technique to get their brain and mouth to stop: hold up a stop sign in your head.  It works just like the actual one.

Disclaimer: Since its inception in 2013, this blog has not been financially or otherwise supported by any company or entity.  

Copyright – Elizabeth J. Wheeler, January 5, 2022

A vibrant young woman, maybe age 30, sat next to me at a large dinner. She had traveled extensively throughout the world, lives in Mexico City, works at a nonprofit there, helping people better their lives, and that night was where she grew up in western Colorado to help her mom and grandma, who each had health difficulties. The story she told about her life captivated the whole table. 

I’m just in awe of what girls and young women can do today.

She turned to me and asked me to tell her about my life. I relayed to her my experience as a child and adult. This accomplished young woman told me she found my life – which is probably like yours – amazing.  

Ladies, do you know how much progress has been made for women’s rights? But, unfortunately, young women don’t get what was ordinary life not so long ago. 

You know the old saying, “History repeats itself until we learn its lessons.” But, frankly, I don’t think women younger than us know how good they have it!

Here’s a recap of what I told her about my background. 

In grade school (now called elementary school) and the rest of my education through the twelfth grade:

Girls were not allowed to wear pants to school

I froze, waiting for the bus 

My mother, like many mothers, did not drive. Few kids got automobile rides to school

Many homes only had one-car garages

It was a very joyful day when we got our first television set – black and white

You could only answer the one phone we had when it rang a certain way because we were on a party line. (We shared the party line with an obstetrician, so the phone often rang in the middle of the night.)

Long-distance phone calls were expensive. I never remember talking to my grandparents, who lived in Casper, Wyoming, and Pueblo, Colorado

I did not know any divorced women. One of my aunts worked outside the home as a secretary. She was the only working woman I knew

I was required to take home economics and sewing 

Girls were not allowed to take shop, home, and automobile repair classes. These skills would have been so helpful to me as an adult

Bare legs in the ninth grade were a no-no. Pantyhose were not available yet. So, I wore a garter belt and nylon stockings

Only boys were allowed to caddy at our nearby golf course. I never saw a woman play 

My family and I watched Elvis Presley on the Ed Sullivan show. “The King of Rock ‘n’ Roll” was shown from the waist up. 

We wore hats and sometimes doilies on our heads when we went to Most Precious Blood Catholic Church

Plastic bags did not exist. Clerks put groceries in brown paper bags. Store purchases were wrapped in brown paper and then securely tied with string

My dad would not allow me to attend the Beatles Concert at Red Rocks amphitheater, not far from our home

I do not remember any female broadcasters at Denver’s four television stations

My parents insisted I take shorthand and typing, in case something happened to my future husband. I learned to type on a manual typewriter. Students rotated working on the two new electric typewrites in the second year of typing. (I am thankful my parents made me take these classes because after getting a degree from the University of Colorado School of Business in 1969, the only job I could get was a secretarial position at Denver’s Samsonite Corporation.)

I flew for the first time at age 19. My mother, who died in 1964, never did fly.

From age 20 to approximately age 35:

I married at age 20 and took birth control pills, which were recently available

Jobs were listed in the Sunday newspaper. The “job section” was broken down into “Help Wanted Male” and “Help Wanted Female”

Our house and automobile Allstate agent, a man, would only talk to my husband. Since 1986 I have had a woman Allstate agent

I attended the University of Colorado Graduate School of Business and was only one of two women who attained a master’s degree in marketing. One of the funny things I remember from my advertising classes is that “belly buttons” were never shown. They were airbrushed out. Oh, who could forget the keypunch cards for the computer that was as enormous as a gigantic room? (I giggle whenever I look at my Apple Watch on my wrist. It is far more powerful and friendly than that “thing” ever was!)

Although I had been a homeowner with my then-husband since 1968, my name was not allowed on telephone or utility companies’ accounts. This was also true for the one credit card we had. I remember credit cards were a new thing back then. (Denver’s major department stores had a credit card that I remember using in high school when my mother, who was gravely ill, sent me shopping

In 1981, there was a fatal accident on one of the job sites my husband worked on. I remember demanding that my name be put on all accounts because we had three children and a large house in case something would happen to him. A new law that allowed this action had recently been passed.

I was not active in the Women’s Movement. I have never burnt a bra. I have participated in the Women’s March since 1917.

When I am with my daughters and their families this holiday season, I’m going to talk about many of these items. I hope you share your memories with your friends and family and with us in the comments section of this blog site. It’s incredible where we’ve been, ladies. As the famous ad slogan went – “You’ve Come Along Way Baby!”

Disclaimer: Since its inception in 2013, this blog has not been financially or otherwise supported by any company or entity.  

Copyright – Elizabeth J. Wheeler, December 5, 2021

“Have any of you had experience with ghosts? My friend Lisa has seen them at the Hotel Colorado.” Carol, our book club discussion leader asked at our review of Jodi Picoult’s Leaving Time.

“Yes!” I piped up. One Memorial Day, I worked in my old office in Building 500, a reported ghost-filled location on the former Fitzsimons Army Medical Center. This gray energy drifted past me when I came out of the restroom on the old maternity floor. I knew it was a ghost. I wasn’t scared. I remember a beauty and peace about it.” 

Throughout history, various cultural and religious organizations believed that because autumn was a time of transition, they should review their lives, access what needed to change, and honor the dead. As a result, special days commemorate this time, such as the Jewish High Holidays, the Christian All Souls and All Saints Days, Mexico’s Day of the Dead (Die de los Muertos), the Celtics Samhain, and the Navajo Nation Ghaaji. 

How interesting that so many peoples recognize now as a spiritual time. The Celtics described it as a couple of days when a thin curtain separates the spirit world and our world. It seems this has been lost in our own country with the mega marketing efforts around Halloween. As a kid, it was always jarring to be hauled to church the day after for services honoring souls and saints alike.

A discussion with a little 9-year-old Italian girl on a train headed to Naples from Rome drilled into my adult brain how phony Halloween is. Holding a lovely pot of golden chrysanthemums, she explained in her best English that she and her family were going to her grandma’s house for All Souls’ and Saints’Day, and the flowers were for the family grave site.  I asked in “my best Italian” if she knew what Halloween was. She didn’t. We passed by a jack o’ lantern poster in a bar window. I stumbled describing an illuminated cut-out pumpkin.  

Now, back to our bookclub discussion, Carol quickly went on to another topic. I was disappointed no one else mentioned ghostly experiences. 

Maybe I am just weird, but I have had five other times that felt ethereal. Because they have brought me comfort and guidance, I am going to share them with you. My hope is they will help you in some way. Two of them were dreams, one was an intense feeling during a yoga class of all places, another that I was receiving help with a sticky problem, and the final one I don’t know how to explain; however, I detailed it in a blog I wrote in June of 2014. It is titled “The Power of Grandmas.” 

This above experience occurred in Ireland on a sacred sites tour with Jyoti Wind. I contacted Jyoti when I started to write this blog. She told me, “I think in our day-to-day lives, we try to deepen our understanding of what life is, what life’s meaning is. What are we here to experience? And for some people, that might be through prayer, or psychic readings, or dreams, or allowing our imaginations to take us into inner dimensions.”

In 1970 the evening after giving birth to my first child, from my hospital bed I distinctly saw the nursery located down the hall and my late grandmother, Georgia Rose, who died in 1969, guiding my mother, who had passed in 1964, through the nursery. My grandmother said, “Look, Rose, here is Elizabeth’s baby girl!” I had had no drugs during the birth and refused to take a sleeping pill the nurse wanted me to swallow that night.

Months after my beloved Aunt Jean died from Alzheimer’s, I dreamt she climbed the 14 steps up to the front door of my Tudor home and rang the bell. By the time I got to the door, she was walking back down. I knew she had come to say goodby and to thank me for the care I gave her.

My father’s sister, Aunt Kay, who also died of Alzheimer’s, seemed to have “come along” on a walk  one afternoon with me and my dog. I was so frustrated that my house wasn’t selling. Since it felt like she was there, I told her all about it. Within a couple of weeks, the house sold. It seemed to me Aunt Kay was with me the whole time and helped facilitate the sale. 

At a family gathering over 40 years ago, my Great-Aunt Mary ripped into me when I expressed I would like to have a fourth child. I never knew why she did this. The exchange was painful and embarrassing. At a yoga class two years ago, I had the distinct feeling Aunt Mary was next to me. She told me how sorry she was for deriding me and apologized.  

I don’t know about you ladies, but I can use all the assistance I can get on this journey. I’m glad I have gotten some extraterrestrial help along the way.

Copyright – Elizabeth J. Wheeler, October 23, 2021

Look out, Ladies! I’m going to drop the “F” word on you big time. No, not THE F WORD. I did not even know what that word meant until I was maybe 15. That was back in the day when bellybuttons were never shown in advertisements. Now, THE F WORD is freely spoken and printed (I hate it) and bellybuttons? No big deal.

Forgiveness is the “F” word I’m expounding and espousing and extolling on big time in this blog.

You could blame this scorching commentary on Tina Turner. After all, she said in a recent AARP “Upfront/What I Know Now” article,“…..so forgiving people for the wrongs they’ve committed is not the same as excusing their actions. Forgiveness is more about cutting the chains of negativity from whatever has caused us pain.” 

I remember seeing Ike and Tina in the mid-70s. Their show radiated intense energy. I had no idea about the acute spousal abuse Tina was experiencing. (They divorced a year or so later)

Also, you could blame this scorching commentary on a lady I heard speak at a meeting more than 20 years ago. I remember her distinctly talking about how people in various cultural and religious organizations throughout history believed because autumn was a time of transition, they should review their lives, access what needed to change, and honor the dead. As a result, special days commemorate this time, such as the Jewish High Holidays, the Christian All Souls and All Saints Days, the Celtics Samhain, and the Navajo Nation Ghaaji. 

Ironically, the subject of that meeting was “forgiveness.”

The speaker read something to the effect: You don’t need to forgive if you never judge. Those words angered me. All I could think about were atrocities such as child abuse, murder, racial injustice, and the holocaust. I remembered personal incidents as well that had seared my soul. 

Since that meeting, I have taken time in the fall for a personal retreat. I think about my life, what I would like to change in my habits, setting goals for the next year, and people who have passed recently.

This year I decided to focus on that “F” word, forgiveness, in light of Tina Tuner’s quote,“…..so forgiving people for the wrongs they’ve committed is not the same as excusing their actions. Forgiveness is more about cutting the chains of negativity from whatever has caused us pain.” 

I am tired of old resentments that I have held for years. I have tried all sorts of things to get rid of them. So during my retreat, I wrote them down in my journal, and I came up with the 12 big ones that I was most sick and tired of. There they were—in black and white and in all their glory. It was enlightening to see “The Big12” I wanted to be done with. I wanted to be over all the pain they had caused me.

“Yes! Cut these chains that have brought you so much pain, I said out loud to myself. But, oh, Elizabeth, you know better than that you can’t get rid of them. You’ve tried for years and years.”

I remembered what I had read in Norman Vincent Peale’s book, The Power of Positive Thinking. Basically, he suggested, imagine getting in a boat each night and throwing each of your troubles overboard. A Colorado native, I have not been in many boats in my life. So I thought about throwing my resentments in my compost pile! That visualization gave me a great deal of relief—what a wonderful place to throw this stinking trash. 

For over 50 years, I have been an organic gardener. I love compost piles because you take a waste, mainly vegetable scraps, manure, and dirt, and add a little water. Now and then, to mix this mishmash, you turn it over. In a short period, this mixture turns into magical soil enrichment. 

On a sunny day in late October or early November, after the first frost, I empty my compost bin and dump it into all of my vegetable gardens, which are tired after a productive year. My gardens look very well cared for during the winter, nice and neat. I do the same thing in early spring with the compost I made over the winter. My crops are bountiful.

So that’s what I’m doing now. If one of those little buggers on my list shows itself in my mind, I figuratively grab it and throw it in the compost pile. I’ve had great success with this technique and wanted to share it with you.

I’ve come to realize that the actions of these people listed on “My Top 12” were despicable. I do not forgive their behavior, but I dismiss all the pain I am holding onto with these memories. As a nod to this sacred time of year, I wish each person peace. My life is better now.

Copyright – Elizabeth J. Wheeler, October 4, 2021

What would fashion be like this fall after such a confusing, crazy year? Would it reflect our pent-up demand to be seen and heard; or, perhaps reflect the subdued nature of being in our home sanctuaries? 

A review of fall fashion sites noted at the end of this blog indicates a cautious approach to this season. Nothing seems to clamor, “I’m impressive, intriguing, or thrilling.” 

Common color combinations, fabric, and designs typical in a fall wardrobe are absent. For example, I did not see the usual amount of plaids, corduroy, scarves, or “preppy items.” 

Important clothing components for ladies-of-a-certain-age — color, comfort, and camouflage — are displayed. Fall colors are typical, except for pink and fuchsia. The cut of the clothes and the construction of the shoes are pleasing. However, none of the designs jumped out to cause alarm about showing parts of the anatomy older women don’t wish to highlight.

Eye makeup and eyebrows do not dominate like last year when masks covered most of the face.

As usual, this season, older women are rarely shown by the fashion industry, even though they represent one of the wealthiest segments of society. The models are young women and girls because they reflect the adoration of youth in this country and because these age groups buy more than Boomer Babes, as I call us. Since ladies-of-a-certain age are generally ignored by the fashion industry, I write a fashion blog at the start of each fall and spring season. Below, I summarize fashion trends, recap the color, comfort, and camouflage factors, and reveal what is in my closet.

Disclaimer: Since its inception in 2013, this blog has not been financially or otherwise supported by any company or entity.  

These fall 2021 trends caught my eye:

Clothes —

Blue-jean jackets! They are often paired with a white shirt or colored or white t-shirts

Denim – shirts, jeans, and dresses

Boyfriend jeans rolled up, jean leggings, and wide jeans

Quilted fabric – clothes, purses, and shoes

Sweater vests

Cutouts 

Vivid pink

Colorful leather

Moto jackets

Sparkly and shiny 

Fringe

Jewelry — 

Pearls, chains, chokers, mismatched earrings or a single earring, textured metals

Purses —

Oversized bags, totes, clutches, fluffy, quilted, and chains

Shoes — 

Slouchy or platform boots, oxfords, flats, canvas, mules 

Hairstyles –

Bob, curtain bangs, layers, pixie, wolf cut

Makeup —                                                                                                                               Kitten eyes (eyeliner extended in the outer corner of the eye), black eyeliner on top and bottom lid, long eyelashes, vivid lipstick, dewy (shiny) skin. 

Nails —                                                                                                                                      

Polish colors: rose, red, wine, olive, sparkly green, lilac, deep purple, navy, white, black, beige, gray 

Color                                                                                                                                             We all have specific colors that complement our skin, hair, and eyes. These colors naturally make us look and feel better. If you don’t know your color season, here is a fun, no-cost quiz. The Pantone Institute each season determines the top colors, not only for clothes but also for all sorts of products, including paint and appliances. Below is a list of the 2021 fall colors I have summarized for you. Click on the links to a description and name for the actual colors.     

Colors:                                                                                                                                     

Bright yellow, yellow-orange, fuchsia, pink, red, rusty red, wine, bright green, green, four blue shades — from light to medium, black-purple, light orange-brown, orange clay, brown, yellow-brown, dark green, olive green, cream, off white, light tan, and light gray.

Comfort

What you choose for clothing depends on your comfort level with a fashion personality. We naturally gravitate to individual styles. If you don’t know yours, take this fun quiz. 

Camouflage

In a 1960s home economics class I took at Denver’s Thomas Jefferson High School, I remember our teacher saying, “Remember, girls, always emphasize the positive and minimize the negative.” Maybe you remember words to that effect also. I think her words are good advise even now. 

These are some of the things I take into consideration with my own body:

No more short shorts! I don’t even wear shorts anymore because my veins look like maps tattooed on my legs.  

I choose nothing that accentuates my waist. 

V-neck tops are out for me because of my wrinkly skin.

I’ve shrunk over the years – so I now watch for proportion.  

What’s in my closet

I always “shop my closet” first. It reflects my traditional fashion personality and the colors of the winter season. This season the fashion industry would go broke if they relied on me to fund them! I am having fun figuring out how to wear various clothes, shoes, and jewelry to look most up-to-date this season. Here are this season’s leading fashion elements in my wardrobe:

Clothes –

My beloved 20-year-old Ralph Lauren jean jacket, which I bought at a super sale, is terrific. I thought I would have to replace it, but it is in good shape. I was amazed at the price range for jean jackets. It pays to do your research.

At that same super sale 20 years ago, I bought a blue denim ruffled Ralph Lauren shirt, which I will often wear now.

Leather-like Moto (bomber) jacket – I have had forever. I bought it at K-mart. It is washable, to boot!

Two white shirts and a plethora of t-shirts in Pantone’s fall colors, as modeled by one of the jack- o’ -lanterns shown in the photo.

“A blue-jean baby,” I’m sure glad denim leggings are still hip. I wear them everywhere. If the weather ever gets cool again, I’ll consider buying a sweater vest.

Jewelry –

Oh, my Christopher Poly chocker, purchased at the Denver Art Museum, is a treasure. Also, I love my colorful enamel Target chocker, bought a good ten years ago.

Pearls are a stable in my wardrobe. 

Purses –  

At “press time,” it is a toss-up between the black Monsac or pale gray Steve Madden tote.  

Shoes –

The fashion industry did get some of my hard-earned cash in the name of comfort! A pair of Skechers fabric ballet slippers and loafers arrived this week. Yes, I have leather counterparts, but the fabric shoes coddle my tootsies! Since I think mules are sexy, I will try on a pair to see how stable I feel.   

Hairstyle –

I love the bob I grew last year and my no-fuss curtain bangs.

Makeup –

Oh my, several years ago, I got blocked eyelid ducts from eyeliner. So I don’t do that anymore.  

I avoid harmful makeup ingredients and carefully screen whatever I buy. For lipstick and blush, I use Bert’s Bees Lip Shimmer. This time of year, I switch shades, from watermelon to the darker shade of plum. Thank goodness I am blessed with good eyebrow genes that require no enhancement.  

Nails –

Sally Hansen’s Color Therapy nail polish with argan oil is my choice. To paint my fingernails, I bought a bottle of sheer Rosy Quartz for this season. My toesies are intriguing with a coat of Essie’s For the Twill of It, an indescribable color – gray, green, purple, brown combination.

That’s it, folks! 

List of Sources:

https://www.cosmopolitan.com/style-beauty/fashion/g35616664/fall-2021-bag-trends/

https://www.popsugar.com/fashion/fall-2021-fashion-trends-48172283

14 jewelry and accessory trends for fall 2021

https://www.cosmopolitan.com/style-beauty/fashion/g35651266/fall-2021-jewelry-trends/

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/theyre-9-trends-define-street-225746558.html

https://www.popsugar.com/beauty/fall-haircut-trends-47669421.

14 jewelry and accessory trends for fall 2021

https://www.harpersbazaar.com/beauty/hair/g35744327/fall-2021-hair-trends/

https://www.marieclaire.com/fashion/g35635073/fall-2021-shoe-trends/

https://www.cosmopolitan.com/style-beauty/fashion/g35550887/fall-2021-fashion-trends/

10 Fashion Trends I Fall Season 2021-2022

https://www.pantone.com/articles/fashion-color-trend-report/new-york-fashion-week-autumn-winter-2021-2022

Top 25 Fall 2021 Pantone Colors from NYFW & LFW

https://www.harpersbazaar.com/beauty/makeup/g35742880/fall-2021-makeup-trends/

Copyright – Elizabeth J. Wheeler, August 24, 2021

Last month I could not get my 2016 Samsung Smart-TV to play a film I wanted to see for my movie club.

After exhausting remote control finger gymnastics, the movie’s name came up in a list to the right of where I was typing. But, try as I might, I could not get the cursor over to the list to click on the name. It was so frustrating. I tried numerous times to accomplish this feat. 

The next day I went to the Best Buy store in my town where I purchased this wonder of wonders of a television five years ago for $1200. A polite young man, maybe age 20, said, “It’s not your fault. Your smart TV isn’t so smart anymore because of all the technological advancements that have happened.”

I sucked in my breath, expecting him to try and sell me the latest and greatest model, guessing the price tag would be double what I had paid for my television. Instead, he guided me to a shelf and kindly suggested the $39.99 Roku, a streaming media player, to make my TV smarter. I had never heard of Roku and had no idea what was a streaming media player.

After returning home, I installed the device the best I could. I hoped to see the movie before the group met later that afternoon. But to no avail. I could no get the Roku to work and emailed my friends about my woes. They encouraged me to come to our meeting anyway.

One of our members brought her “middle-aged” son to the gathering. He was visiting from Chicago, had seen the movie, and wanted to join our discussion. When the meeting ended, he and his mother offered to come to my home so he could fix my problem. Within 30 minutes after they walked into my front door, he had the Roku working, and I knew how to use it!

Oh, Ladies! This technology stuff is so frustrating, But, “What is a girl to do in this world today?”

No, I don’t think it we are dealing with planned obsolescence. We, ladies-of-a-certain-age, heard this term often in the 1950s and 1960s. According to Wikipedia, “By the late 1950s, planned obsolescence had become a commonly used term for products designed to break easily or to go out of style quickly.”

What I experienced with my television is the rapidly changing technology of our times. For example, CDs, DVDs, thumb drives, software, plugged-in mouses and keyboards, have been outdated by WiFi, Apps, Bluetooth, the Cloud, etc. Recently I came across many of these old computer products on a shelf on my desk. Oh my, it wasn’t that long ago I had to learn how to use them. I thought when I bought them I would never have to know any more technology. I cleaned them all out. Yes, I am cussing because it is challenging to learn new technology, much of which I had never heard anything about, such as Roku.

Ironically, I love my Elwood, Indiana 100-year-old Sellers Kitchen cabinet, which I have used for my desk for decades! 

Disclaimer: I receive no compensation from any company, nor do I endorse any product.

Copyright – Elizabeth J. Wheeler, July 28, 2021

Last month I could not get my 2016 Samsung Smart-TV to play a film I wanted to see for my movie club.

After exhausting remote control finger gymnastics, the movie’s name came up in a list to the right of where I was typing. But, try as I might, I could not get the cursor over to the list to click on the name. It was so frustrating. I tried numerous times to accomplish this feat. 

The next day I went to the Best Buy store in my town where I purchased this wonder of wonders of a television five years ago for $1200. A polite young man, maybe age 20, said, “It’s not your fault. Your smart TV isn’t so smart anymore because of all the technological advancements that have happened.”

I sucked in my breath, expecting him to try and sell me the latest and greatest model, guessing the price tag would be double what I had paid for my television. Instead, he guided me to a shelf and kindly suggested the $39.99 Roku, a streaming media player, to make my TV smarter. I had never heard of Roku and had no idea what was a streaming media player.

After returning home, I installed the device the best I could. I hoped to see the movie before the group met later that afternoon. But to no avail. I could no get the Roku to work and emailed my friends about my woes. They encouraged me to come to our meeting anyway.

One of our members brought her “middle-aged” son to the gathering. He was visiting from Chicago, had seen the movie, and wanted to join our discussion. When the meeting ended, he and his mother offered to come to my home so he could fix my problem. Within 30 minutes after they walked into my front door, he had the Roku working, and I knew how to use it!

Oh, Ladies! This technology stuff is so frustrating, But, “What is a girl to do in this world today?”

No, I don’t think it we are dealing with planned obsolescence. We, ladies-of-a-certain-age, heard this term often in the 1950s and 1960s. According to Wikipedia, “By the late 1950s, planned obsolescence had become a commonly used term for products designed to break easily or to go out of style quickly.”

What I experienced with my television is the rapidly changing technology of our times. For example, CDs, DVDs, thumb drives, software, plugged-in mouses and keyboards, Bluetooth, the Cloud, etc. Recently I came across many of these old computer products on a shelf on my desk. Oh my, it wasn’t that long ago I had to learn how to use them. I thought when I bought them I would never have to know any more technology. I cleaned them all out. Yes, I am cussing because it is challenging to learn new technology, much of which I had never heard anything about, such as Roku.

Ironically, I love my Elwood, Indiana 100-year-old Sellers Kitchen cabinet, which I have used for my desk for decades! 

Disclaimer: I receive no compensation from any company, nor do I endorse any product.

Copyright – Elizabeth J. Wheeler, July 28, 2021

I was looking forward to participating in the Zoom summer solstice commemoration with my friend Jyoti Wind.  But, I emailed her and told her I didn’t know if I could participate Sunday evening, June 20, because a very sad happening – not an unexpected one – had occurred that morning. 

Maybe the reason I often participate in her inspiring Celtic ceremonies is because of the Irish blood that pulsates in my veins, or perhaps because I went on a Celtic journey with Jyoti eight years ago, or because I so admire this woman who is pushing 80. Jyoti is a writer of many books and blogs, a teacher, a photographer, and an astrologer. 

In preparation for the celebration, I placed next to my computer a vase with a red rose, which I had accidentally knocked off the bush the day before. Jyoti had suggested bringing several items to the event, and a rose was one of them. 

As the time for the start of the summer solstice experience approached, I found myself walking past my office and saw the rose in the vase. Oh, what the heck.  I might as well join in.  I don’t have to say anything. I am too bereft to speak. 

Although I had no energy and was emotionally drained, I turned on my computer and joined the women from many parts of the country and many walks and stages of life.  Besides the loss I had experienced earlier in the day, I recently had become keenly aware of what little of life was left for me.  Several friends and relatives were dealing with serious health issues or had passed. Also, I recognized that I had completed almost everything on my bucket list.  I thought about exercise on page 21 in chapter two of my recently published book, Paths – A Primer for Ladies-od-a-Certain-Age   A Workbook for the Road Ahead,which is a chart of what you expect to happen in many areas of your life for the coming decades. I dismally reviewed what was likely to happen, and the saying, “Aging is not for sissies,” came to mind. 

Jyoti started with an invocation to the Goddess Aine (Ann).  These were some of her words: “….(Aine) Walk among us bringing the brightness of the sun to our hearts. The veil is thinnest at this time of year with the fairy kingdom.  Magic is in the air.  Aine brings fire and inspiration.”

The alluring ceremony seemed to mesmerize me. First, I thought of the thin veil between the spirit world and our world. Then, I became aware of the rose on my desk.  Its color and smell were deep.  Memories of my great -Aunt Rose came to mind.

She was my grandfather’s oldest sister.  I loved and respected her so much.  Unlike many wealthy women I have known, she was not ostentatious. You would never know she was worth oodles of bucks and was married to a very powerful, successful businessman. Yet, I never knew anyone who did not adore Aunt Rosie, as we called her.

I fondly remember her telling me how she celebrated her eightieth birthday. “My granddaughters came over in the afternoon, and we fixed a pitcher of martinis and had a grand time.” Also, I recalled the delightful little clown she knitted for my young children, ages 4, 2, and 0, which she gave them when she invited the four of us over for lunch. In addition, Aunt Rosie readily shared her treasured cake recipes with me.  Her chocolate cake was a prized takeaway at church bazaars. Her banana cake was the hit at football games her husband hosted in their Denver Bronco stadium box and numerous family events. 

You would never know of the tragedies and disappointments in her life.  It wasn’t until I visited her in her final days at a nursing home that I became aware of her mastectomy.  She was almost 100-years-old when she died.

Slowly my reverie lifted, and I heard Jyoti say, “We light candles to mirror the brightness of the sun’s light, life-giver. We offer flower petals and herbs, especially rose and dog rose, which opens the heart and is associated with fulfillment and expansiveness at the height of summer.  We offer the water of life in thanksgiving for all this season brings us, the abundance of our crops, the golden light of blue skies, warm weather, the opening of new doors, new ways of being on the earth.  We thank you …..”

Yes, thank you, Aunt Rosie, for the great role model you are for me.  And, yes, in 2927, I plan on inviting my granddaughter and friends for martinis on my eightieth birthday!

(Note:  Aunt Rosie is the inspiration for a significant character in the next ladies-of-a-certain-age-mysteries, Murder and a Blue Spruce, I am starting to write. It will be published next spring.)

Copyright – Elizabeth J. Wheeler, July 12, 2021

When I saw her last month, my heart raced, and my feet sprinted as I leaped to greet my old friend at Denver’s darling new coffee shop, located next to the botanic gardens.

As dear friends and ladies-of-a-certain age, it is always great to see each other, cherished companions, even more so during this time of a major pandemic. 

We got our coffee and goodies and headed outside to a table to chat.  Yes, chat, as only two dear friends can. 

Taking turns, we filled each other in on what was happening in our lives.  We had met several years ago in a yoga studio.  She is now in her 80s, and I am in my 70s.  I have always admired how lithe and agile she is, her wittiness, compassion, and concern for others, fashion flair, and cosmopolitan life, though she has not traveled far.  I have learned so much from this woman and am so grateful she is my friend. 

Few people know my most cherished secrets.  You know those things I (and maybe you, precious reader) hold near and dear and don’t readily share.  My friend knows about these struggles. Oddly, she has had some of them in her life too. 

So that morning, we talked about a few health concerns and challenges of being mothers of older children and some of our grandchildren.  I shared with her that I was in town to visit a doctor at the hospital where I had worked.  I was pretty sure I knew she would confirm a diagnosis I had received some years ago.  For the better part of 10 years, I have gallantly tried exercise and diet to halt the condition.  I did not want to take the risky medication often prescribed.  She looked me straight in the eye and said, “Elizabeth, sometimes you just have to give up!”  Funny how I know (maybe you do, too) when you have heard the solution to a problem. Yes, I am now taking the stuff.

Later in the conversation, we talked about a particular characteristic two of our grandchildren share.  This phrase from a book I read many years ago popped into my head, “And, acceptance is the key to all of our problems today…..” Yes, acceptance.  But, isn’t it nice to share with a friend.   

Then, she said, “I don’t ask any questions of my kids or grandkids anymore. If they want to tell me, that’s fine, and if not, I am still fine.”

 I received such pearls of wisdom over a cup of coffee in a beautiful setting on a May morning. 

The following week I was gardening at my home in western Colorado.  Both the sprig of Lambs Ear my friend Jeannie had given me and the clump of Lady’s Mantle, Anna Marie dug up from her garden for my garden, were starting to flower.  I remembered these two dear wise comforting women, who had passed recently with tears in my eyes. 

Maybe I have enough Irish blood in me to know at a cellular level, these three friends are part of my grandmother group, so to speak, that Amantha Murphy writes about in The Way of the Seabhean. “The grandmothers give us strength; they hold us and guide us at times when we feel bereft or alone. They whisper in our ears….The grandmothers walked through life, experience life, grew through life and heard their grandmothers’ stories.  There is a continuity in us that goes back to the beginning.  We carry that within our DNA,” page 123.

In our American culture, ladies-of-a-certain-age are relegated to the invisible sphere, but we know how powerful and dynamic we are when we listen to each other.   

Copyright – Elizabeth J. Wheeler, June 14,  2021

Since I’ve written this blog for almost ten years, I thought nothing would surprise me about the demographic I focused on: Ladies-of-a-certain-age.

Well, let me tell you, I was astonished by several specifics that I wrote about in each of the chapters of the just-published, Paths – A Primer for Ladies-of-a-Certain Age: A Workbook for the Road Ahead. (Available on Amazon for $12, and shipping is free (if you are a prime member.) I am sharing these excerpts with you in hopes they will help you steer on this part of the path you are now on, and I encourage you to buy this book and go through it yourself or with a group of women.  I should warn you that each chapter has homework assignments, which I believe will solidify for you very important information about yourself and propel you down this road.

First, in the Forward, I wrote:

• When I was nearing retirement, there was no “primer,” if you will, for this time of life that I could get my hands on, and there was no way my parents or American society, for that matter, could have equipped me.
• Where we thought we would be at this stage of life and where we are is shocking in their differences.

In Chapter One, “Who Am I Now?” I found these facts astounding:

• The experience for those women born between 1946 through 1954 and those between 1955 and 1964 varies.  Life for the second group accelerated because of the ever-increasing change in American society due to technology, medical breakthroughs, and the feminist liberation movement.
• For example, the first group of women often recalls with joy the day their family got a black and white television set. The second group has a hard time remembering black and white television shows and just having one television in the house.  Likewise, the first group of women giggles when they remember the family telephone party line. The second group remembers either themselves or their lucky friends having a pink princess phone in their bedrooms.
• Both groups grew up in a very different world than their mothers.  Almost every aspect of their lives was unlike their mothers, who had no way to prepare their daughters for their adult years.                                  

Chapter Two, “What Lies Ahead,” reiterated to me, again, why I do this work:

• It is important to note that American society’s general belief is this final bit of life is when women shrivel up and fade away.
• Many women find this time in their life the most active and creative period because they do not have the responsibilities inherent in other life phases.
• When this stage of our life starts, being tired, not knowing what to do, and feeling blah are common feelings.

Chapter Three, “Dealing with Health Changes,” gave real zingers:

• You do not immediately have to consent to these options no matter how much pressure you get from healthcare professionals, your family, or friends. The big takeaway is for you to consider your choices and your healthcare and then decide what is best for you. 
• This personal approach to health is likely to be awkward for the ladies-of-a-certain-age in the first group of the Boomer generation. Remember I call women born in the Boomer years Boomer Babes . . . . Taught to respect authority, or you could say, “follow orders,” the first group is unlikely to question doctors or most anyone in the medical profession since the country had just come out of the war. 
• While the ladies-of-a-certain-age demographic is undoubtedly invisible to most companies in the United States, this group is the primary customer for many pharmaceutical and medical corporations with enormous advertising budgets.

Chapter Four, “Where Does Money Come Into All of This?” underscored serious facts of life:

• I wish I could sugarcoat the importance of money for ladies-of-a-certain-age, but I can’t. It would be very deceiving if I did.  Frankly, ladies, this is where the rubber meets the road. 
• In case you think you can skip this chapter because your partner handles the finances, the stories of these women may change your mind.  Each of the four women paid dearly for not participating in marital financial affairs.
• Identify personal feelings and beliefs about money because they are the basis for all your financial decisions up until now.

Chapter Five, “A House for the Latter Third of Life,” emphasized these points for me:

• Clearly and succinctly define why you want to move.
• Now, there are a plethora of housing choices for seniors.
• The Equal Credit Opportunity Act prohibits lenders from denying mortgages based on age.  The key factor for lenders is the ability of borrowers to repay regardless of age.

Chapter Six, “Will I have a Purpose?” recapped self-care:

• But time and tender loving care are exactly what women-of-a-certain-age need as they go through numerous transitions in the latter third of their lives.  Slowing down and focusing on needs is essential when one way of life ends and another begins.
• Friends become even more critical as we age and go through so many life changes and losses.
• Don’t hold back. Let your imagination and your dreams soar at this point.

Copyright – Elizabeth J. Wheeler, May 6, 2021

Entering a charming Mission-style furnished home set amongst an idyllic setting of mountains and blooming fruit trees, I heard my friend say, “Filling your bucket?” My brain screamed, What? I thought we were talking about the bucket list section in my new book. Filling your bucket is a phrase I haven’t thought about in a long time. (“Paths – A Primer for Ladies-of-a-Certain-Age, a Workbook for the Road Ahead” is due out next month on Amazon or www.ladiesofacertainage.com.)

Maybe it was the tranquil and restful setting that elicited an unknown sentiment, or – perhaps – a Freudian slip, but my friend’s words struck me at my core for some strange reason.

When I got home, I barely had enough energy to feed my dog and cat and get dinner for me, which I barely ate.   What is going on here? Am I sick? Is this another reaction to the vaccine I had several weeks ago?

I got on my pajamas, climbed into my bed, and fell into a deep sleep.

The following day I didn’t feel much better. 

Bits and pieces of recent conversations with friends evaded my thoughts. “I’m having a tough time getting back into things after staying home so much,” I heard one friend say.  Words from my very athletic 78-year-old neighbor, a star tennis player earlier in life, now a devoted pickleball player, came to me, “I want to go back to the pickleball courts, but I’m going to ease into it slow and easy.” I heard again a very outgoing friend’s words, “I’m so glad I am vaccinated. But, I don’t have much energy to do stuff like I used to.”   A new friend, a writer of some repute, told me over coffee, “I feel so scattered.  I thought I wanted to begin writing historical fiction, but now I am not sure.  Also, I don’t know if I should start writing my blog again. “

Their words kept going round and round in my head: I’m having a really hard time getting back into things  — I’m going to ease into it slow and easy — I just don’t have much energy to do stuff like I used to — I feel so scattered.

I began to feel discombobulated and a little ill. “Come on, Bonnie,” I said to my dog. Let’s go back to bed for a while.” 

I swear my faithful friend looked at me with her big brown eyes full of genuine concern.  She seemed to say, “Are you nuts? You never go back to bed, and it’s time to take me on our walk!”

About 30 minutes later, I got up, let Bonnie outside, and made myself another cup of coffee.  Sitting down at my kitchen table, I took a slow sip of this great brew and looked out my window.  Yes, spring has arrived! Tulips are starting to bloom, and the birds are singing a symphony. What’s going on, Elizabeth? This is your favorite time of year!

Like my friends, I was going through the transition phase of withdrawalfrom isolation because of Covid to the awkward unsure phase of re-entry into my previous way of life.  I did not like being isolated. I like being around people.  Not knowing much about a world where vaccination rates are rising amongst my peers and the dire news I heard about the disease added to my apprehension. It felt like the weeks after 9/11 when once again, I could listen to planes fly.  Yep, that’s it, Elizabeth. Like your friends, you are drained and need to fill up your bucket. You need to take it slow and easy and do soothing fulfilling activities. But, there seems to be more.  It’s not like you to be so tired and bordering on being sick.

I went into my bedroom to get dressed. My nearly unpacked suitcase and piles of clothes were on the floor. They had been there for several days, ever since I had gotten home from finally being able to visit my family on Colorado’s Front Range, a distance of over 250 miles from my house on the western slope. It wasn’t like me not to unpack and have clothes scattered all over the floor.  It was so good to see my children, grandchildren and cousin.  I forgot how rowdy teenagers could be. My heart went out to their frazzled mothers, my middle-aged daughters, and the noise and busyness of a big metropolitan area still boomed in my brain. 

Oh, Sweetie, not only is your bucket drained, but you have a hole in it! All this Covid crap, family disquiet, and – may I add – too much work between taking care of a house, writing, spring yard work, and nursing your beloved dog whose health is failing. 

Yes, my drained bucket had a hole in it. No wonder I got confused about bucket lists.  I didn’t even have the energy to take care of my day, let alone plan for the future.

Have you ever felt like any of this, dear reader? (I think it might be a national epidemic!) What are you doing to fill up your bucket? Please share! 

I’m feeling better.  Here are the steps I took.

1. I hopped into bed and corralled a cuddly cat for a catnap!

2.  When I got up, I unpacked, put away my suitcase and filled the hamper with the dirty clothes.

3. Bonnie Buttercup, soon to be 12-years-old and I went for a walk. I noticed all the spring flowers.

4. I decided to take a break from writing for a couple of days.

5. For a whole day, not once did I turn on my computer and forbade myself from checking e-mail on my phone.

6.  I did restorative yoga, including that beneficial pose, legs-up-the-wall.  (Actually, I think I dozed off)

7.  I baked my favorite Trader Joe’s dinner, which I brought back with me from my visit to the big city.

8. I went to bed early.

Copyright – Elizabeth J. Wheeler, April 13, 2021

“Spring always comes,” declares Clarrisa Pinklola Estes, Ph. D in “Women Who Run with the Wolves.”

Indeed, it has!  At least here on the Western Slope of Colorado, where I live.  I know for sure because yellow crocuses are blooming by my front door, and the daffodils are sprouting buds.

It almost seems like life has gotten back to somewhat being normal after a horrible bout of the Covid virus worldwide.  Here, the question everyone asks each other is, “Have you gotten your second vaccination?”

“Yes, thank goodness!” is my answer.

Apparently, fashion is feeling better, too.  The colors this season are not bizarre like they have been the past year. There are no wacky styles either (well, except for bra tops.) 

In my review this season, I kept coming across the term “capsule wardrobe.” After investigating, I realized it is just a 2021 way of describing a “basic wardrobe,” which is a selection of a few quality pieces of clothing that can be worn throughout the year and added to later on. 

Here is the 2021 definition: “Think of a capsule wardrobe as the building blocks of your closet that support the foundation of your personal style. Start by investing in timeless, classic pieces that set your current fashion #mood—then add trends, color, prints and patterns for each season.”

Frankly, once I retired, I forgot all about the basic wardrobe.  After all, I no longer buy expensive suits, high heels, or coats.  But− guess what – I have a capsule wardrobe in my closet.  Today it consists of jeans and tees, comfortable shoes and jackets for various seasons. It works for me as my old capsule wardrobe worked in days gone by because I don’t have to buy many items each season.  Mainly, I replace what is worn.

Then, since there weren’t tons to write about for this fashion report, I decided to explore these services where a “shopper” buys clothes for you on-line and then mails them to you in a box.  I looked at three popular services: Nordstrom Trunk Club, Stitch Fix, and Amazon Prime Wardrobe. After you answer several personal clothing questions for all three programs, a buyer shops for you and sends the items to you in a box. There are no shipping or return fees. If you buy an item, the minimum “shopper fee” is eliminated. 

I thought all three were terrific during these virus times when shopping, at best, is difficult, and for many of us who no longer live in large retail areas.  I enjoyed spending time exploring Nordstrom (right here in my little town!) However, I rarely spend $50 to $100, their minimum, for tops or jeans, so I knew they were not for me.  I did order a box from Stitch Fix.  It was so fun to answer all of their questions, and I eagerly waited for my package to arrive.  Unfortunately, I thought the clothes were expensive and were not exactly what I wanted. Further, it would be too much of a hassle to keep “working with the buyer” to get it right.  I returned the whole box.  Amazon Prime was just too hard for me to figure out all of the charges. 

One real advantage of all three, which does not cost anything, is to see how they put together various outfits. 

2021 Spring Fashion Report for Ladies-of-a-Certain Age

Color and Fashion Personality

You can’t go wrong fashion-wise if you wear clothes that fit your personality and colors that complement your skin, hair, and eyes.  We naturally gravitate to certain styles.  If you don’t know your fashion personality, take this fun quiz. (I have a classic causal personality fashion style.) Likewise, we all have colors that naturally make us look and feel better.  If you don’t know your color season, here is a fun, no-cost quiz to take.  (I am a winter season.) The Pantone Institute each season determines the top colors, not only for clothes but also for all sorts of products, including paint and appliances. The foundation stones for a “capsule wardrobe” are fashion style and color.

Below is a list of the 2021 spring colors I have summarized for you under the color heading.  Click on the link to see the actual Pantone names and color sample.  If you are into astrology, here are the best colors according to your sun sign. (I am happy to report that my favorite color, purple, is best for my sign Aries. 

Spring Colors

Light orange, light blue, rust, yellow, medium blue, soft green, mint green, coral, orchid, and raspberry

Nail colors offer lots of choices this season, from soft to vivid. 

Spring 2021 Trends

Blouses with big collars

Oxford blue shirt

Classic white shirt

Puffy sleeves

Exaggerated shoulders

Blue jeans, blue jeans, blue jeans – all leg styles!

Metallic

Moto (bomber) leather jackets

Jean jackets

Trench coats

White sneakers

Flats

Florals

Cut-outs (Particularly around the midriff and shoulder)

Bra Tops (No, I am not kidding!)

Jewelry

Beaded necklaces

Pearls

Metal crush

Shoulder-grazing earrings

Bags on necklaces

 Purses

Feathers

Mini

Chain Strap

Fringe

Raffia

Oversized leather tote

What’s In My Closet

The Western Slope of Colorado, where I live now, is hot and dry for most of the year.  The sun is intense. The weather plays a significant role in my clothes decisions. I have a classic casual fashion personality and am a winter color season.  I always “shop my closet” first.  Also, I look at how worn each clothing item is because I wear items year in and year out.  As a lady-of-a-certain-age, I wear casual clothes almost every day, mostly blue jeans and t-shirts or leggings and sports tops.   As a working professional, I spent lots of bucks on expensive garments and small amounts on weekend clothes.  (I had fun shopping for those fun clothes – mostly from K-Mart and Target.  I am happy to report that the quality of these garments was terrific.  I still have several pieces.) If an item is worn, I put it in a donation bag.  If an item is “almost” worn, I put it on my shopping list and look for a replacement at consignment or high-end thrift stores. (My mother would be so proud of me.)  For example, I need a new trench coat soon.

Blouses –

(I rarely wear them because I hate to spend my time ironing.  Yes, born shortly after the end of WWII, I would not think of wearing anything wrinkled.)

This season I will wear a classic white shirt with a floral blue and yellow scarf, and I look forward to wearing my beloved blue denim shirt with the ruffled collar and cuffs.

Blue jeans –

 Yes, I am a blue jeans baby!  I have every leg and width size.  This year, I bought a new pair because my standard jeans from Lands End were getting baggy and worn-looking. I thought I was going to have to buy wide-cuffed (boyfriend) jeans. But, I folded up my standard pair, and they look great, particularly with my bomber leather jacket, Monet garden-inspired lavender, and raspberry colored scarf and flats.  I love my denim leggings because I can wear them on the pickleball court to protect my skin from the sun or the yoga studio.

Jackets –

I hope to find the perfect replacement for my Ralph Lauren jean jacket that is at least 20 years old and getting a little tight.  My leather-like bomber jacket, I have had forever. I bought it at Kmart. It is washable, but I have never washed it. The trench coat in my closet has been to London and Paris, and other fabulous places. 

Long and short sleeve t-shirts –

I bought several (great sales!) to replace the ones I had. Of course, they are purple, lavender, raspberry, and pink, except for one forest green because I have had a “hungering for this color” since writing about clothes from the 1940s in my “Murder and a Victory Garden” book. 

Shoes –

In my closet are white sneakers, white top-siders, flats (at least 20 years old), and new metallic thongs (I add a sparkly belt and light-weight gray cardigan sweater over a t-shirt when I wear them with jeans.)  

Jewelry –

I bought a pretty little silver necklace with a purple and pink stone.  I have lots of pearl earrings and necklaces.

Purses –

The big gray Ralph Lauren Tote (My best buy ever – $50 Goodwill –  for a purse that retails at $500) holds everything

If I get tired of it, I have a Brighton straw (raffia) purse with leather handles to wear. (It is my second best buy since I bought the $250 retail price bag for $50 at a thrift store run by a hospice organization.)

Nail polish –

A new bottle is such a cheap mood enhancer. I bought two, both Sally Hansen, Argan oil formula (my nails love it,) “Give Me a Tint,” and “Pomegratitude.”

List of Sources:

https://www.cosmopolitan.com/style-beauty/fashion/g35001727/2021-bag-trends/

https://www.cosmopolitan.com/style-beauty/fashion/g34098579/spring-2021-fashion-trends/

https://www.pantone.com/articles/color-palettes/color-trend-highlights-spring-summer-2021

https://www.pantone.com/articles/fashion-color-trend-report/new-york-fashion-week-spring-summer-2021

https://apple.news/ATGZyeuH6SJSyOyMHkcD0hA  zodiac

: https://apple.news/AYUNKOPjLRMmjeFeSSUoCag nail polish

4 Super-Cute Outfit Pairings That Are Perfect for Spring     https://apple.news/ApQtMBllQRXSM06rB8hCzhA

This Is Set to Be 2021’s Easiest Trend—and You Probably Already Own It   https://apple.news/A7zg3hW-tR0WLatROKGwlwA

https://www.marieclaire.com/fashion/g34291454/spring-2021-jewelry-trends/

What’s a capsule wardrobe and how do I build one?

https://www.instyle.com/fashion/clothing/what-is-a-capsule-wardrobe

Copyright – Elizabeth J. Wheeler, March 8, 2021

The Universe wouldn’t leave me alone.  I knew I had to do something about the story in my head to gain some peace.  After all, February 2 was coming up.  If I didn’t take care of this matter, I would have to deal with the issue next year. 

Well, I did!  I am sharing with you, dear readers, my experience in hopes it will be helpful to you if you have a painful personal story in your past.

It all began last month when I caught myself thinking I would send an email to two special friends. Then, it struck.  They both died in 2020!  I remember a few last conversations with each of them.  Both of these women, in their eighties, talked about their mothers and things that happened long ago. 

Crap! I said to myself.  The anniversary of my mother’s death, February 2, 1964, was coming up.  Once again, I knew the day wouldn’t be easy.  Funny, the anniversary of the passing of my dad and two aunts I was close to never affect me.  Those days just goes by.

However, the Universe decided this was the year to look at why her death bothered me so.

The first message from the Universe I received was from a friend who told me she had redone a scrapbook of her memories from her teaching career.  She said she had a few bad experiences with some of the kids.  Overtime, she had looked at those incidents and decided as she put it, “To modify the narrative presented in her scrapbook.” 

Then – the audacity of the Universe – I read in “Meditations on the Mat,” my yoga book I read before practice each morning this phrase from a song by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers: 

“It don’t make no difference to me, you believe what you want to

Believe, but you don’t have to live like a refugee.”

Authors Rolf Gates and Katrina Kenison summed up in this phrase from the song: “The solution, of course, is a shift in perception. She can make a conscious choice to perceive something anew, to believe something else about herself.”

Finally, I suddenly remembered a conversation the Queen had with the King in Lewis Carroll’s “Through the Looking Glass”: “The horror of that moment, the King said, “I shall never, never forget.  “You will, though, said the Queen, “if you don’t make a memorandum of it.”

I need to tell you, dear reader, that my mom and I got off to a very bad start.  I had a breach forceps birth at Denver’s St. Joseph Hospital, shortly after the end of World War II.  My mother almost died. I almost died.  She was given the Last Rites by the Catholic Church and I was quickly baptized and given the equivalent of the Last Rites for newborns.  It is a wonder I don’t have congenital cerebral palsy. Needless to say, my mom and I never had that important bonding experience.

(As a side note: Dr. Justina Ford, a Black woman, who lived within walking distance of St. Joseph’s, was known for her ability to “turn babies.” She assisted in over 7,000 births. Maybe, she could have made a difference in the lives of my mother and me.  I learned in my research for “Murder and a Victory Garden” neither Black or Jewish doctors were allowed to practice in Denver until the 1950s when General Rose Hospital (now Rose Medical Center). Dr. Ford is honored each year on her birthday, January 22.)

With February second fast approaching, I decided to have a date with my mother. We would “relive,” if you will, three upsetting episodes in my life as a young child, age three and four, and have dinner together.

The first thing “we did together” was to color in my coloring book.  I was upset because I could not “stay in the lines” like Debbie, a 6-year-old girl I had been with the night before when my parents were visiting her folks.  As I colored my mom explained to me that Debbie was older and had colored far longer than I had.  She was sure I would get as good as Debbie in the future.  Mom liked what I was coloring. Since Scotch tape and refrigerator magnets weren’t around in 1950, we could not hang my art on the fridge. But, she helped me rip out the sheet, and we proudly put it on the dining room table.

A short time later, Mom and I skipped to Safeway to buy our neighbor Mrs. Byrd and us flowers. She was our next door neighbor and was most upset with me because I had picked some of her grape hyacinths for a bouquet for my mom.  I had no idea why this older woman screamed at me; after all, she was always nice when we visited her at her candy shop on South Broadway.  Mom explained the flowers were special to her, and Mrs. Byrd was delighted when they bloomed.  Mom suggested next time I thought about picking her flowers, I ask her first.  (Actually, we drove in my silver CRV Honda.)

When we got back home, it was time for me to go get my Covid vaccine at a supermarket pharmacy about 60 miles away.  At first, I was upset this was the only time and place I could get the coveted shot because I wanted to spend the afternoon making cookies with Mom, which we had never done in the past.  Then, I remembered when I was four and our family had a big “Quarantine” sign on our front door.  I had scarlet fever. Our doctor made a house call and gave me with a long needle a big shot of penicillin, the new miracle drug. My mom was none too happy that the doc also gave my infant sister a big shot, too. After I was checked into the pharmacy, my mom and I went into a small room where she stood by scared me (as a little girl)  as a kind woman gave the inoculation.  We then got a goody and went home.  (Note: the vaccine did not hurt at all.) 

After we returned home, I used my Grubhub app to order Mom and me sumptuous artichoke soup and an arugula salad from an Italian restaurant I knew my mom would love.  As “we” sat at my kitchen table, I construed what daily life had been like for my mom, a 1950s housewife, former executive secretary, wife of a man rapidly climbing the corporate ladder, mom of two daughters and a woman with severe heart damage caused by rheumatic fever as a teenager. I thought of the many gifts she had given me including, excellent nutrition ( lots and lots of vegetables, but no fried food or soda pop for her family!) an interest and flare for fashion, writing (I always wondered why she didn’t write when she was my mom.  Her life then was consumed with lots of household and marital duties and her ever weakening heart required more and more drugs and hospital stays) and most importantly sunsets – yes, my mother gave me sunsets!  She and I had few intimate moments. But, many times I would catch her standing at our big picture window in the living room that had a magnificent view of Long’s Peak.  She would say to me, “Come watch the sunset with me.  My old boss, Mr. Jonas, often asked me to watch it with him.  My mother and I would spend several minutes in awe of this spectacular site.  

I looked out my kitchen window. There was a magnificent crimson display of the sun setting.   

RIP – Mom.

Dear readers – I don’t know how this exercise works.  I do know make-believe got me through many dark and murky moments as a child.  Visualization has helped me immensely play many sports. As a public relations professional of many years, I was paid well as a “spin doctor.”  All I know is that today I feel a deep peace when I think of my mother Rose.

Copyright – Elizabeth J. Wheeler, February 10, 2021

What were some of the ordinary things you were doing last January that seem so extraordinary now?

Fill in the blanks to these four questions:

1.I went to the grocery store_______

2.My exercise routine included_____

3.Before going to bed, I’d ­­________

4.Me and my friends did ______

Here are my answers:

1. Twice a week

2. Yoga, snowshoeing, pickleball, and walking my dog

3. Get on my pajamas and climb in

4. Knitting, movies, writing, coffee, eating out

Now in 2021, answer these questions:

1. I go to the grocery store________

2. My exercise routine includes_______

3. Before going to be, I_____

4. Me and my friends do________

My answers include:

1. I go to my favorite store twice a month and arrange for pick up at as close-by national chain once a month

2. I do yoga at home and walk my dog

3. I do what I can to get cozy

4. Do Zoom meetings and exchange emails and texts

Are your answers from January 2020 as different as mine from 2021?

Are you feeling the need to make ordinary life NOW a little easier?  These routine living tips might help grocery shopping and meal planning, exercise, sleep, and staying in touch with friends.

Friends remind me, “During tough times, take extra care of yourself – eat nutritiously, get enough sleep, exercise, and stay in touch.”

Grocery Shopping and Meal Planning

One of the pleasures for me as a retired lady-of-a-certain-age was to go grocery shopping whenever I wanted.  I eat a lot of vegetables and fruit, so I went shopping to get fresh produce twice a week or about eight times a month.  I went to my favorite store known for its fresh produce and great cheese.  This small grocer has a limited selection of non-grocery items, so I would go to the nearby big national chain for those items several times a month. 

After Covid invaded our peaceful valley in western Colorado last spring, I donned my mask and curtailed my shopping trips,  which was relatively easy for me to do because I had done “mass shopping” as a working mom and later as a business professional.  Then, I cooked batches and froze portions.

Now, I plan on meals for 14 days.  During January and February, eight of those meals will include soup and roasted vegetables.  They are easy to prepare and loaded with the recommended number of vegetable servings each day.  Since additional protein is beneficial for older adults, the soups I make include rice and beans, which is a complete protein. The roasted veggies I cook have lots of full-of-protein nuts and slices of protein loaded plant-based sausage. (I am a vegetarian.)  I round out the rest of the meals with pasta and melted cheese sandwiches, and salads.  I like to include citrus in salads now because of their vitamin C content and mood enhancement qualities during these dark days (both literally and figuratively)

I devised a standard grocery list based on the route I took around the grocery store on my phone.  Here are some of the categories:  Frozen, dairy, and produce.  As I shop, I delete what I put in my cart. This list helps me to quickly and effectively get in and out of the store.  When I need to buy something on my next trip, I grab my phone and put it down. 

What a disappointment; when I went to my nearby huge national chain to purchase several non-grocery items, I immediately noticed the store did not uphold our state’s pandemic guidelines.  Numerous people were not wearing masks, and unlike the small grocer, no one was wiping down carts or monitoring how many people were in the store. I still do some shopping at that store; but, I learned how to do it on-line and pick up my purchases curbside.  Most of the products I used to buy at this store I  now purchase at a national big box store that diligently upholds the pandemic laws and guidelines in our state.

Exercise

Oh, those yoga teachers can be so maddening when their voices get in your head! One of my yoga teachers “tells me,” frequently, change your attitude, change your breath, and another says, “move your muscles, change your life.” 

The biggest tip I can pass on from these yoga friends is simply this – do it, exercise daily!

As ladies-of-a-certain-age, time and time again, we are told, exercise is a significant key to health.  Well, this might be so, but exercising alone, I have found not to be much fun.  The hardest part for me is to get going. So, I do it in the morning, or else I find myself putting it off, and then it doesn’t get done.  Sometimes I try particular exercise YouTube channels or Zoom sessions my friends recommend or listen to podcasts, mainly as I am doing bicep curls!

The best motivator I have found to get me to exercise is my dog, Bonnie Buttercup.  As a pet owner, I committed to taking her for a walk daily.  Sometimes I try to “excuse myself” because it is too cold outside.  Then, I remember the snow pants I used to wear under my skirt going to and from grade school since girls were not allowed to wear pants in school.   I put long johns or tights under my jeans or sweat pants on top of my jeans. A scarf and hat and gloves and doggie bags in my pockets complete my assemble.  The only “excused absence to dog walking daily”  is when it is extremely icy outside, and there is a danger of falling.  Then we go into the backyard, and I chase her around the yard.

Sleep

Getting to sleep or going back to sleep after a run to the john seems to be a condition of advancing years!  It doesn’t help when the world seems to be topsy-turvy with the pandemic and political unrest. 

Yes, a routine bedtime, the smell of clean flannel sheets a warm bed all seem to help, so does a cuddly cat and a cup of hot cocoa. 

As we age, touch is increasingly important to us and often increasingly missing. Massage is a godsend but may not be prudent during a pandemic.  However, for centuries those, who practice the 5,000-year-old medical system from India called Ayurveda, do daily self-massage before retiring.  Any lotion or salve or oil will work.  Several essential oils added to these carriers, as they are called, are credited for helping to induce sleep.  These include lavender, mandarin, and neroli.  Massaging the feet, neck, and temples relieve much of the daily stress.

I like to use the slogan “Let Go and Let God” at night when I find myself wanting to solve XXX problems such as vaccine distribution or throngs of rioters. 

Friends –

A friend I have had since the eighth grade gave me a little plaque one time.  On it is inscribed, “Friends double our joy and divide our grief.”  What would we do now without them!

“Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends

Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends

Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends”

From “With a Little Help from My Friends”

Written by Paul Mccartney and John Lennon

Copyright – Elizabeth J. Wheeler, January 11, 2021

Have you ever had a holiday season like this one?

If you have, you are the only person I know who has answered, “Yes.”

Generally, by this time, I am in the thick of the “Glad Tidings.” My calendar is full of parties, performances, and preparations.  Of course, I have my “outfits planned,” my house perfectly presentable with all the “pears in the partridge tree,” so to speak.  My dog Bonnie Buttercup is groomed, my hair coiffed, and my nails streaked with scarlet.  Oh, and there are goodies galore stashed in cupboards. An appointment is scheduled with the car service center to ensure no problems dashing through the snow and mountain passes to see precious grandchildren.  

This year none of this is happening.  Guess what? My world is quiet and peaceful and beautiful. 

Now, I see so much magnificence. I wonder about the beauty of it all – the dark skies, the glittering stars, the brightness of planets, the crisp air, the bareness of branches, birds bathing and drinking the warm water I have provided them, their flight from afar to arrive outside my kitchen window. What a joy it is to see a little babe and the wrinkly faces and kind eyes of the elderly when I stroll down the lane.

Wise words of author Melody Beattie from her book, “More Language of Letting Go,” appear in my head. “Relax. Savor this moment, too. Stop trying to fill it up.  You’re in the void, that magical place from which all creation arises….Help me relax in this space and garner energy for the journey ahead.”

 So much has been lost this year. Visions of better times and new experiences are not easy to conjure.

The new neighbors across the street from me have blown up a Santa Claus balloon as tall as their two-story house, and the people next to me have on their front lawn an inflated cactus donning a cowboy hat.  Both houses drip with LED colored lights on all of the eaves.  I chuckle when I see big Santa starring at me in my front door fan window, and I chuckle again when I see the cactus as I venture to my mailbox.  

I go to the back of my house many nights and enter the passive solar sunroom, which used to be my patio.  Bonnie follows me, and our cat, Katie, comes, too, because it is completely closed off to the outside world and any fox or coyote roaming the yard. Both animals settle down next to the Adirondack chair I have eased into.  I think about burning a log in my fire pit.  Instead, I gaze at the large locust tree that stands guard in my backyard, staring at the stars, and music from long ago plays in my head.

“Hello darkness, my old friend

I’ve come to talk with you again

Because a vision softly creeping

Left its seeds while I was sleeping

And the vision that was planted in my brain

Still remains

Within the sound of silence

In restless dreams I walked alone

Narrow streets of cobblestone

‘Neath the halo of a street lamp

I turned my collar to the cold and damp,

When my eyes were stabbed by

The flash of a neon light

That split the night

And touched the sound of silence

And in the naked light I saw

Ten thousand people, maybe more

People talking without speaking

People hearing without listening

People writing songs that voices never share

And no one dared

Disturb the sound of silence

“Fools”, said I, “You do not know

Silence like a cancer grows

Hear my words that I might teach you

Take my arms that I might reach you”

But my words, like silent raindrops, fell

And echoed in the wells of silence

And the people bowed and prayed

To the neon god they made

And the sign flashed out its warning

In the words that it was forming

And the sign said:

“The words of the prophets are

Written on the subway walls

And tenement halls

And whispered in the sound of silence.”

Simon and Garfunkel

Copyright – Elizabeth J. Wheeler, December 8, 2020

Are you finding it easy to get to sleep these days?  Are you calm and confident that all is right in the world?  Do you wake up rested and ready to go, or do you rise anxious and apprehensive?

Me? Well, I confess it is hard to get to sleep some nights and hard to stay calm during the day. 

Last night I remembered a tool I have in my emotional toolbox (actually, I call it my handbag.)  I used it, got to sleep, and feel much better today.  I have employed a simple little device for many years but have forgotten it for the past couple of months.

Last night, when I looked at my tuxedo cat, Katie, lounging on “our bed” and waiting for me to hop in and pull up the covers, I remembered the little routine that I had forgotten about and thought it just might make me as sleepy and relaxed as my feline.  So I got in bed, asked Alexa to turn off the light, covered myself up, and reached for my tool: I started to think about my day and what was important to me.

I admitted that I had been “piling the shit on,” as my late dear friend Anna Marie used to say.  I had all sorts of worries and concerns:  the health of my beloved 11-year-old dog, the massive spike in the virus, troubles laying out an edition of one of my books, the election, the contractor’s work or lack of work on a house project, etc.  As you can see, I had a massive hill of brown gooey stuff! My friend used to tell me to take one thing at a time.  So, I decided tomorrow morning, when I did my daily journaling, I would look at each of these ”droppings” and determine what I could do to alleviate my angst.

Next, I thought about my personal care that day.  Believe it or not, I asked myself if I had eaten (I’ve been known to skip meals), if I had consumed five vegetables or fruits and had some protein at each meal, and how much sugar and alcohol I had had.  Then, I asked myself if I had stuck to my exercise routine: yoga, strength training, and walking.  I pondered about the social interactions I had had. Since I am an extrovert, it is essential even in these pandemic times for me to have some contact with human beings.  I thought about if anyone had bugged me or annoyed me. I asked myself if I had been kind and considerate to everyone I came into contact that day, or did I need to make an apology.

I thought about what brought me joy and happily remembered the flock of geese that flew overhead as I pulled out dead plants in my garden.  Also, I remembered what I was immensely grateful for. I smiled when I remembered the Zoom meeting with 12-year-old twin grandchildren.

Finally, I concluded that except for the “pile of shit” I had allowed to stack up, it had been a pretty great day.  Tomorrow morning I would take a shovel to that pile and dump the clumps of stuff I had no control over in the trash, and the rest I would “hold my nose” and come up with a plan.

Katie sauntered up from the bottom of the bed, got under the covers next to me, and we both went to sleep.

Copyright – Elizabeth J. Wheeler, November 9, 2020

In October, for many years, I would take myself on a personal retreat.  I would go someplace in Colorado’s mountains and just be. The falling autumn leaves calmed me and helped me reflect on the year.

For most of my life, I had a hectic, stressful career, and a family I tried to hold together despite the lost hopes and broken dreams associated with my former husband’s disease.

In the early 1990s, I had the privilege of spending a long weekend at a friend’s “cabin” in Wyoming.  Each year she invited seven of her friends, all dynamic independent creative women, to join her.  My friend passed away two weeks ago, and three of us, who had spent this time with her in Wyoming, reminiscence how special our time together at her cabin was and acknowledged our sadness of her passing and two of the others who had been in the group.

On one of those trips, my friend Linda Rose, then an advertising agency executive, told me about Stephen Covey’s “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.” She described his goal-setting approach to life. I remember knowing that was exactly what I needed because I was so lost and alone, having recently divorced. 

I got the book and immediately learned the key to achieving success was to align yourself with principles based on my moral values.  From there, you can develop personal goals.  For me, it was just like doing a marketing plan for business:  Once you have your goals, you do research, come up with strategies and tactics to attain them, and then yearly evaluate what happened.    So every year, I have taken myself on a personal retreat in October. After looking at my performance for the past year, I review my moral values to see if they are still accurate. Next I would write my plan for the coming year. (In all of the years I have done this my moral values have never changed.)

But, it is October now, and −frankly−I don’t feel like going on my retreat.  Maybe this is because I have spent much time alone due to Covid. More importantly, I am physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted by the political environment that I have done my best not to let affect me.   I think I will probably go on my retreat after the election in November.

What I am feeling is pure and simple grief and loss:  from all the protests and shootings and deaths and natural disasters and climate change; from only seeing my grandchildren once this year; from not seeing and being with all my friends who enjoy the activities I so love –pickleball, knitting, yoga, movies; from seeing my beloved Airedale Bonnie Buttercup decline in her advanced years. 

 Forcing myself not to acknowledge grief has never worked for me.  Those darn feelings always came out one way or another and caused me pain and embarrassment.  So, I’ve learned to sit with the “yucky” feelings, talk about them with special friends, take long walks, cook comforting food, go to bed early, and be a little kinder to others and myself.

Besides doing that, what has helped me greatly is remembering that “this too will pass,” and the grief will add to the richness of my future life, kind of like how my rotting compost now will enrich the garden earth next spring.

Copyright – Elizabeth J. Wheeler, October 12, 2020

Recently I said to my friends, “Ladies, I don’t know about writing the fall fashion report.  I think there is so much going on – the virus, hot weather, natural disasters (huge fires here in Colorado), and the political climate – I haven’t heard much interest in fashion.” They nodded in agreement and shook their heads. They were wearing masks.

It seems to me the fashion industry reflects too the despair, gloom, and anguish of these times.

 After doing my regular fashion review, I can tell you nothing stands out as interesting or exciting.  Generally, some fashion elements excite me but not this year.  Further, hot weather is predicted across much of the country for the next several months. Usually, I would see new trends in sweaters, coats, and pants — not this year.  It seemed so strange not to even see any corduroy or colorful scarves.

Then, I got to thinking about a book I read for some of the research I am doing for my next mystery I am writing, “Murder and a Victory Garden,” which is tentatively published this October.  Words such as impactful, insightful, and emotional come to mind when I think about Julie Summers’  “Fashion on a Ration.” Besides learning about all the resource cutting measures the English took during World War II, I also learned that the British government wanted women to dress well to help boost the people’s morale!

 Wow!  I got to thinking about how sloppily I had been dressing now there was really no place to go with all most all of my activities halted because of the virus.  That day I was about to put on a pair of light gray jeans and a white t-shirt.  Both were wrinkled.  I took an iron to both of them before I put them on.  I can’t tell you how much better I felt. (Yes, I am in that first baby boomer group. Our mothers taught us to iron, and many of still do!)

My dog, Bonnie Buttercup, and I headed out the door for our daily walk. I talked with neighbors, (yes, at a distance) along the way.  Because I felt better about myself, I was more pleasant to talk with, and it seemed to me Bonnie and I brightened their day. Of course, my Airedale Terrier always looks good, even though this summer, she (and me)  got shaggy looking because our respective grooming salons were closed.

This unusual time underscored to me the importance of color, comfort, and camouflage as a lady-of-a- certain-age.  I’ve outlined these below, as well as giving you a peek into my closet.  At the end of this blog, are some of the sites I visited to research 2020 fall fashions.  I hope they are a convenient reference for you.

Just a reminder as to why I write a fall and spring fashion report it is because, unfortunately, women our age are still largely ignored by the fashion industry.  The only retailers who I have seen do this is J. Jill and Lands End.  What a shame.  What does this say about our society?

Color

We all have specific colors that complement our skin, hair, and eyes.  These colors just naturally make us look and feel better.  If you don’t know your color season, here is a fun, no-cost quiz.  The colors this season seem to reflect the general malaise of our times.  No one color stands out.  The Pantone Institute each season determines the top colors, not only for clothes, but also for all sorts of products, including paint and appliances.  Below is a list of the 2020 fall colors I have summarized for you below the link to see the actual ones.  Nail colors are standard fall colors this year.  If you are into astrology,  click here for a list of nail colors for each sign.

Colors:

Dark navy   Off white   Gray-blue   Light peachy camel    Olive   Yellow-green   Bright yellow Ultramarine    True blue   Blue   Classic blue   Magenta purple   Dusty pinkPeach  Orange   Red-orange   Brick   Brown   Dark tan   Dark Sand

Comfort

What you choose for comfortable clothing depends on your fashion personality, and we naturally gravitate to individual styles.  If you don’t know yours, take this fun quiz.

Pearls and chains everywhere – on jeans, purses, glasses, shoes, etc. (You name it)

Feathers, animal prints of various species, and fake crocodile and snake skins

These fall 2020 trends caught my eye:

Shoes – sneakers, (Yes! Just your plain old white ones) sandals (It’s hot in the fall now) and mules

Sunglasses – white, various colors, and cat-eye!

Jewelry – chains, pearls, and chandelier earrings (Don’t  know how they will work with a mask!)

Jackets – denim, leather –bomber style, ponchos, and capes

Purses – huge, traditional, cube with a top handle, fluffy

Pants – ankle length and jeans of various cuts (Be aware! Some say skinny jeans are on their way out!!)

Tops – hip length at the max and not as loosely  tailored as they have been in recent years

Hairstyles – frankly, I hate looking at these sites because they are so demeaning to aging.  I did find this                                       site full of helpful information about what happens to hair as we age and style suggestions

Camouflage

In a 1960s home economics class I took at Denver’s Thomas Jefferson High School, I remember our teacher saying, “Remember, girls, always emphasize the positive and minimize the negative.”   Maybe you remember words to that affect also.  I think her words are good advise even now, over 55 years later. 

These are some of the things I take into consideration with my own body:

No more short shorts!  I don’t even wear shorts anymore because my veins look like I have maps tattooed on my legs. 

Nothing that accentuates my waist.

V-neck tops are out for me

I’ve shrunk over the years – so I now watch for proportion. 

What’s in my closet

I have a traditional fashion personality and am a winter season.  I always “shop my closet” first.

Blue jeans (Yes, I am a blue jeans baby) I have one skinny stretch pair, several standard cuts, and two pairs of fringed bottoms

Black ankle pants – I wear these for dress-up (not sure where I will be going with the virus restrictions)

Jean jacket – I bought a new one to replace my 20-year-old one

Leather-like bomber jacket  – I have had forever

Long and short sleeve t-shirts – recently I bought several (great sales!) to replace the ones I had. Of                                                                                     course, they are all purple or magenta, except for one ultramarine.

Chain necklace – yeah! I found a silver one in my drawer. I don’t know how old it is.

Pearl necklaces – I have several traditional pearl ones as well as one with black pearl-like beads

New watch band – a silver mesh for my Apple watch.  The Nike Sport band it came with was too much                                       for my traditional style

Pearl earrings – I find these work great with a mask

Chandelier earrings –  my fellow writer and bead artist extraordinaire, Virginia Jensen made these

Purse – I am still trying to decide on the huge gray Ralph Lauren Tote (A great Goodwill  buy) or my beloved black Coach saddle bag

Shoes – White sneakers aren’t for me! For one thing, they get dirty immediately and remember I iron. I did buy a pair of white leather Sperry sneakers – on sale of course – black sandals

Nail polish – A new bottle is such a cheap mood enhancer. I bought the color “Nude”

List of Sources:

Top 24 Pantone Fall 2020 Colors from NYFW & LFW

https://www.whowhatwear.co.uk/autumn-gel-nail-colours

https://www.instyle.com/beauty/nails/best-fall-nail-colors https://www.instyle.com/beauty/nails/best-fall-nail-colors

https://www.instyle.com/beauty/virgo-season-nails-2020

https://www.whowhatwear.com/short-hairstyles-for-older-women

https://www.whowhatwear.co.uk/loose-fitting-jeans-for-women

https://www.elle.com/fashion/accessories/g30783603/fall-jewelry-trends-2020/?slide=77

https://www.elle.com/fashion/trend-reports/a30783604/fall-fashion-trends-2020/

https://www.elle.com/fashion/accessories/g30783602/fall-bag-trends-2020/ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/style-beauty/fashion/g26409280/fall-bag-trends-2019/

https://www.cosmopolitan.com/style-beauty/fashion/a13822522/denim-jackets-outfits-ideas/ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/style-beauty/fashion/g30985041/fall-shoe-trends-2020/

Copyright – Elizabeth J. Wheeler, August 25, 2020

The eighty-year-old-woman bounded towards the chalkboard, grabbed a piece of chalk, and started making concentric circles.

                “Okay, class. Please make the same drawing in your notebooks. ,” Dr. Elinor Miller Greenberg, instructed the students in her large class “Challenges for Women Over 60,” on a sunny October 2012 afternoon. 

 After a few moments, she said, “These circles represent the anchors in your life.  Over time they will change significantly, and in the latter third of your life, they will become even more important to you.”

                Ellie caught my attention that day.  I always thought once I got to this age few things and people would change.  Not so, she told us.  In essence, people come, people go, people die, people grow away from each other, move, etc.  I remember, in particular, her talking about as we age the importance of the “Fifth Circle.”

                So, for a little fun and contemplation, dear reader, you might want to draw your very own “Anchors in Life Circle.”  I will share with you the secrets I learned that day about the hallowed Fifth Circle.   

                                                                The First Circle

 In the very center of the concentric circle is the first sphere.  Write in this space, your name.  That’s right.  You are the center of your very own universe. 

                                                                The Second Circle

                In the next circle, write the name of your spouse or significant other if you have one.

                                                                The Third Circle

                In this circle, write the names of your family members.

                                                                The Fourth Circle

                Jot down the names of all of your friends here.

                                                                The Fifth Circle

                The people listed in this circle provide you with essential services if you will.  My circle included:

Shannon, the man who mowed my lawn; Greg, my handyman; Michael, hairstylist extraordinaire, Lori, our beloved pet sitter, etc.

                                                                Other Circles

                Fill in these circles if these are appropriate for you:  Ministerial (church); Therapeutic (medical people); Co-workers, etc.

                                                                The Importance of the Fifth Circle

 Ellie explained that the people in this circle often become extraordinary people to women in the latter third of life.  Reasons for this include:  Number of single female heads of households, which increase as we age; families live in different geographic areas, and friends may move, become ill, die or pursue other interests.  Consequently, it is not uncommon for people listed in the fifth circle to be more consistent in your life.

 It never dawned on me until I took Ellie’s class how long I had known some of the people listed in my fifth circle.  Over the years, I had gotten to know about their personal lives. We shared many challenges and had lots and lots of laughs.  Those closest to me – my daughters and close friends – might not even know how special they are or how to get in touch with them if I was no longer able to care for myself.

                                                The Challenges of Replacing the Fifth Circle

 Four years or so after I took Ellie’s class, I moved across the state to the Western Slope of Colorado.  Soon after, my hair needed cutting, the lawn at my house grew long,  and my dog and cat required care.  Of course, Shannon was not going to drive 250 miles to take care of the lawn, and Greg wasn’t going to leave his family to come to hang stuff for me.  

                Since many ladies-of-a-certain-age move in the latter third of life, I am sharing how I found help in my new city. 

                Today I have these “essential workers” in my life.  Here is a partial listing of how I found help:

                Veterinarian – my friend Jeanne recommended her vet, a woman who has taken loving care of Bonnie and Katie

                Handyman –I found a good one through Nextdoor.com, an intranet service that connects neighbors in cities across the country

                Hair Stylist– Oh, my – this was hard!  I went through two before I found “the one.”  I asked new friends, clerks in stores whose hair I liked, and a woman in a class I took.  The first two did a nice job, but I felt like “My Aunt Jo,” my mother’s sister-in-law.  She had beautiful white poufy hair, actually a style that is very popular for ladies-of-a-certain-age now.  But, I am not a “poufy girl.”  I like my hair straight and easy.  I knew I “found my gal” when I came home and did not immediately wash my hair.

 Lawn Service – Let’s just say I finally got to the point where I jotted down names and phone numbers from trucks I saw in my neighborhood.  It worked. I am pleased with my current service  I went through a company who “came when they wanted to,” a mower which I think had addiction problems, the most prominent business in the area, but they mowed my flowers down.   

 All of these people deemed “essential workers” by the state of Colorado worked during our shut-down.  I am so grateful to each one of them.

Copyright – Elizabeth J. Wheeler, August 10, 2020

“Will I have a purpose?”

What an ironic title for this my 100^th ladies-of-a-certain-age blog, I have written since its inception in January, 2013.

 Heck, yes, is the answer! That is the reason I started writing so many years ago this monthly missive, a blog for those invisible, powerful dynamic women – ladies-of-a-certain-age.

And, I would add, our purpose is more important than ever.  The world needs us: bright, intelligent, wise women.  We know the hypocrisy of marketers, particularly those selling beauty products and pharmaceuticals, who have grinded into the very soul of this country that older women have no value with their gray hair and wrinkles and baggy skin.  Well – as I say to my grandsons – “I got news for you Buddy Boy!”  We are priceless, pure gold and have much to contribute still in this world.

So, the last chapter of my upcoming book, “Paths – A Primer for Ladies-of-a-Certain Age,” deals with finding a purpose for the latter third of life.  Since we have been so busy raising kids, being an active grandmother, volunteering in the community, and sweating and grinding away at our professional lives, it can be a real shock when those activities end, either abruptly or gradually.  We might dream of sleeping until 10, playing golf or doing whatever our passion is seven days a week, and traveling hither and yon – and we might do all those things – but sooner or later – at least for most women – we wake up one morning and ask as the poet Mary Oliver so elegantly inquires, “What is it you plan to do with this one wild and precious life?”

I decided to write the book because it occurred to me it might be helpful for women, just starting to recognize themselves as older, if I wrote a simple workbook, a primer as school books used to be called, about this time of life.  Also, since I have gotten stuck many times on the path of a lady-of-a-certain-age, I thought it could be beneficial for others to review this material in an attempt to find the way again. Each chapter includes a resource section, suggested “homework” or exercises, and blogs I have written on each subject.  It will be available this autumn.

This July 2020 blog will give you a taste of the main considerations of finding purpose in the later third of life.  These include:

1. It’s Your Choice – As Always

2. Rejuvenation or Stagnation

3. What Should We Do

4. Find Your Heroes

1. It’s Your Choice – As Always

First and foremost, it is your choice and only yours what you want to do with your life.  My purpose is to write about the topic of ladies-of-a-certain-age in a society that has ignored us.  I present you with ideas based on research or personal experience.  You get to decide if any of what I write is relevant or useful for you.  I have stated from that very first blog I wrote that I did not like becoming invisible after a certain age, call it arrogant if you want, but I think who I was up to that point and what I had done mattered even if I was becoming wrinkled and gray haired.  I would be honored if you called me a feminist, but that is not what I set out to do. Fifty years ago, I was too busy having children, being a “corporate wife,” and going to graduate school  to engage in anything to promote women’s rights.   I just wanted to do certain things, even though back in the 1970s those jobs would have been listed in the “Help Wanted – Men” section of the Sunday paper.  Frankly, I never burned my bra and did not start marching until a couple of years ago when the thought of putting kids in cages was just so repugnant to me nor did I like – once, again – how woman were being treated that I joined in the Women’s March and many demonstrations since then. 

So, if your choice is to go down the traditional path of an older woman in America that’s your right. 

What I can say, is I believe our country needs older woman more than ever before.  When I reached a certain age, I just couldn’t “put on my house dress and thick heels,” or “my baggy sweats,” the more updated wardrobe of older woman today and watch television all day and night.  There is much unfinished business from the 1970s, even though our daughters, including both of mine, have reaped the benefits of those times.  I think more than ever before we need to work together, whether we are 12, like my granddaughter, or 48, like her mom, or 73, like me, or my hiking buddy, soon to turn 80. Of course, men – I’d say mostly older and white – are pushing back.  After all, our behavior now is not what they are accustomed to, and we just might do the job more effectively and efficiently, and – hopefully, some day – at the same amount of pay.

Susan Douglas, author of In our Prime: How Older Women are Reinventing the Road Ahead, said it much better than I did. “Coming of age means we can refuse to be confined to the kindly docile feathered grab we’re supposed to roost in.”

2. Rejuvenation or Stagnation

During the latter third of our lives, we have a superb prospect to explore all sorts of things.  In fact, Elinor Miller Greenberg and Fay Wadsworth Whitney captured its essence in the title of their book, A Time of Our Own In Celebration of Women Over Sixty. The book explores the multitude of opportunities for this time of life.

Not constrained by many of the traditional responsibilities of younger women, ladies-of-a-certain –age now can investigate the fun things they always wanted to try.  Greenberg and Whitney caution against stagnation and isolation.  One of the remedies for this is the phrase I have heard Elinor use many times, “Just say yes.”  Because as a generation, we were not encouraged to try new things to go “beyond the pale,” if you will, this is not always easy or comfortable to do.  The proverbial bucket list can be helpful because the items on it are so exciting and so enticing they help us reach beyond our comfort zone to get them. It is possible to change our mindset at this age.

Knowing or recognizing other older women who have done interesting things, is helpful.  I often think of my mother-in-law who suddenly became a widow in her early 70s.  She told me, “After Pa died, I quit dying my hair and making him homemade bread every week.”  She gathered around her a group of friends – both older and younger – and had a great time for the next 20-plus years.  She died close to her 100^th birthday.  She was an inspiration to me and my daughters and everyone who came in contact with her.  She showed us how to live and enjoy life. Now, that’s a good purpose if ever there was one.

3.  What Should We Do

I’m pretty sure that my mother-in-law, who lived in a small Minnesota town and had an eighth-grade education, did not come up with a 7-point plan to find out the purpose of her life in her older years.  Recently, my 50-year-old daughter when the topic of strong women came up said, “Yeah, Grandma could kick ass, too.”  She showed us not only how to enjoy life, but also how not to be negated by anyone, particularly by men since she lost her mother at age four.   She just knew how to do it from standing up for herself her whole entire life.  She was one of 12 children and left home at the age of 14.

It would be nice if we could go to Harry Potter’s school, Hogwarts, and attend the sorting ceremony, shortly after entering this period of our life.  We would just sit on a stool and a big hat would hover over us and proclaim what we would do.

Oh, you may not think I’m pretty,

But don’t judge on what you see,

I’ll eat myself if you can find

A smarter hat then me.

You can keep our bowlers black,

Your top hats sleek and tall,

For I’m the Hogwarts Sorting Hat

And I can cap them all.

There’s nothing hidden in our head

The sorting Hat can’t see,

So try me on and I will tell you

Where you ought to be.

In my own life, I have found The Artist Way by Julia Cameron to be most helpful.  Recently, she came out with a book just for this time of life called It’s Never Too Late to Begin Again.  I don’t know how many times I have gone through her book.  The 12-week course is rigorous. But, each time I have discovered new things about myself and the next path to take.  Also, I have found it very beneficial in the fall to take a personal retreat and review my goals as outlined by Stephen Covey in 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. My all-time favorite author, oneI read every day, is Melody Beattie.  I particularly find her book, More of the Language to Letting Go, helpful.  I love how she uses and defines the term “the void,” a period when you just don’t know what to do.  She describes how “the void” is the most creative space there is. 

4. Find your heroes

I bet you if you took out a pencil and paper right now you could easily list 5 older women who you admire greatly.  Several years ago, I wrote a blog entitled “Admired-Ladies-of-a-Certain-Age” because older men – from Colorado pioneers to current politicians – often are awarded accolades and some have streets named after them; but, when was the last time you saw or read about the accomplishments of ladies-of-a-certain-age or drove down a road honoring one of these women? Not only was it an honor but an inspiration to write about each of these 10 women. 

You know the old sports adage, “Play with someone better than you if you want to improve,” is so true.

A hero’s list can be very beneficial when you think you don’t matter. You can keep your list on your phone or on your refrigerator and look at it when you are down.  Just remember when you are feeling old and wrinkled that you can have a huge impact of someone’s life.  Yes, you, too , can encourage another woman that she is valuable and a real star.

Here are five women I just thought of now:

1. Anna Marie, a retired hair stylist, who sought the help of Al-Anon to deal with her divorce. She helped many, many women who trotted down a similar path, and she became an award-winning water colorist.  (Anna Marie passed away this year.)

2.  Marilyn, a retired school bus driver, who hikes in the Colorado mountains almost every week, is a Master Gardener, and delivers for Meals on Wheels. She is soon to be 80.

3. Priscilla, a retired senior executive for a major corporation, became the state coordinator for a dog rescue organization and saved the lives of countless animals as well as encouraged and consoled many dog owners.

4. Anonymous, a retired public relations director to a major government official, who now teaches knitting to women and girls in a homeless shelter.

5. Chris, a retired nurse, a leader of the Denver Botanic Gardens Herb Guild, a group of volunteers that work in the herb gardens and make many herbal products that are sold in their gift shops.  Each year the guild raises thousands of dollars earmarked for special projects.

I’d love to hear about your heroes.  Won’t you share about them in the comment section.  Thank you.

Copyright – Elizabeth J. Wheeler, July 8, 2020

“My house is me and I am It. My house is where I Want to be and it looks like all of my dreams” Daniel Pinkwater

Not every woman moves after they retire, but many do.  They want a smaller house or a location that doesn’t require shoveling snow or they want to be closer to grandkids, or, their husbands want to — or, or, or —— Lots of reasons.

Sometimes there are extenuating circumstances why women move later in life.  It may be perpetuated by health concerns, the death of a spouse, divorce, economic reasons, need to care for grandkids or elderly parents, etc.

Even if you are planning on not moving, you never know for sure what’s ahead in the later third of life. This information then may come in very helpful to you. 

In this blog I cover the essence of chapter five, which deals with housing needs in the latter third of life, from my new book entitled, “Paths – A Primer for Ladies-of-a-Certain Age,” tentatively to be published this autumn.

It occurred to me it might be helpful for women, just starting to recognize themselves as older, if I wrote a simple workbook, a primer as school books used to be called, about this time of life.  Also, since I have gotten stuck many times on this path of a lady-of-a-certain-age, I thought it could be beneficial for others to review this material in an attempt to find the way again. Each chapter includes a resource section, suggested “homework” or exercises, and blogs I have written on each subject. 

This blog will outline the main considerations of moving in the later third of life.  These include:

1. Deciding where to start in your planning process

2. Clearly and succinctly defining why you want to move

3.  Determining where you want to live

4.  Looking at different types of housing and associated costs

5.  Selling your current home

6.  Moving process

7.  Establishing yourself in a new community

Deciding where to start in your planning process

You may already know that you want to move or that you should move. You may already know where you want to move to and what type of housing you will be settling into.  You may not.

 However, sometimes our conscious mind does not divulge our true needs and desires. It’s best to find these out before you go through “all the trouble of moving!”

 A good place to start the planning process is to do a little dreaming.  Here are some suggestions:  1. Remember when you were a little girl and you thought about what life was like if you were a princess, a movie star, a nurse, a doctor, a teacher, etc.  Now, envision yourself in various roles for your latter third of life. Perhaps, you want to be a writer, an artist, a scratch golfer, a nonprofit leader, etc.  Then, with each role, imagine where you would live. Write the various answers down in a notebook.  2. Remember your bedroom as a child. What was it like? What did you like – the color of the walls, the windows, your bed, etc.  Write down what you remember in the same notebook.  3. Go to your library and see if they have a stack of old magazines you might have.  Go through them and cut out any pictures of places that you are attracted to.  Glue them on a large poster board and put it in your office or wherever you have your own space.

I went through this process. It helped me clarify what I wanted, and it also showed me how impractical some of my dreams were.  I really enjoy where I live now and love my house.  Believe it or not, what I enjoyed most of my childhood bedroom, which I shared with my sister, were the corner windows.  They let in so much light and a view of our neighbor’s trees and rose garden.  Well, guess what? My house now has big tall windows with views of trees and rose gardens. 

Clearly and succinctly define why you want to move

Write this definition down. You may want to refer to it later when you are dead tired and the moving van is coming the next day.  Your answer may include such things as I don’t want a house payment. I don’t want to pay all these taxes. I never want to shovel snow again. I want to live close to my kids. These stairs are killing me. I want a new house or I want an old house or I want a different house.  I want to be able to walk to the grocery store.  I want to live in a college town so I can attend classes and presentations.

This was my reason to move: I want to live away from a large city where my spirit is drawn to the beauty of the land, the clean air, the quiet and the natural world close by.

These sources my be helpful: The Relocation Decision – AARP

 8 Questions To Help You Decide Whether To Move In Retirement – Forbes

Determining where you want to live

You may already know. You may not.  You may have a general idea.  If you know where you want to live or have a general idea, you may want to spend some time in the location to see how it really is.  If you don’t know where you want to live, visiting various locations might bring you clarity.  Also, you may want to get in touch with groups you are likely to join when you move. Meeting people of like interest may help you decide if a specific community is for you.  One woman told me she attended church services in different cities she was looking at and talking to members afterwards.

Looking at different types of housing and associated costs

In days gone by, the choices were pretty narrow. Now, there is a plethora of housing choices for seniors.

Here are some options: Single family home, one-level home, apartment, duplex, condominium, “lock and leave community,” retirement community, 50+ community, low-income apartments, alley houses, mobile homes, communal housing, extended care and assisted living.

Each type of housing has its associated cost. This may include: homeowners fee – monthly or yearly, property taxes, housing insurance, utilities, maintenance.  While these costs can be estimated, many other costs can’t and can just arise.  A good house inspection may identify many of these but not all. 

I found this publication from the University of Idaho to be very informative, especially the “retirement housing checklist”.

If you are considering a loan or mortgage, this article from U.S. News &World Report is enlightening.

Selling your current home

Lots could be written under this section.  Here are some main bullet points:

• If you haven’t bought or sold a house in the past little while, you are probably going to be in a real shock. For one thing, much of the process is handled completely electronically.
• Goggle zillow.com, realtor.com and trulia.com and type in your address. Each of these real estate sites will give you an estimated value for your home.  This will give you a good idea of the sales price for yours. Also, put in the addresses of homes near you that are similar to yours that have recently sold. This information will help clarify the asking price for your home and the pictures will give you a good idea of the condition and appeal of houses that have sold.
• Go to several open houses and see the condition of the homes for sell.
• Interview at least three real estate agents to determine if you can work with them, what their commission fee is (yes, it varies!) and their strategy for selling your home.
• Have an inspection done before you list the property.  Yes, it will cost you money, but it will also tell you what repairs are needed. Best you find out now  and fix the issue(s) before anything becomes a sticking point during the inspection process.
• Clean, clean, clean!
• It may be shocking when someone half your age, with different views on life and houses, tours your home.

Moving process

Much of it depends on how far away you are going to move to, your finances and physical and emotional health.  If you use a moving company, get at least three estimates.  Packing is very strenuous and can be expensive.  Family and friends may be available to you, or you may need to hire someone.  Boxes are often available from stores such as supermarkets, furniture and liquor stores.  Investigate the cost of various packing materials. If you are on Nextdoor.com , an internet site for neighborhoods all over the country, you may be able to find moving boxes, often yours for picking them up.  This is a good way of getting rid of the boxes after you have unpacked at your new home.

Establishing yourself in a new community

This is key for ladies-of-a-certain-age because isolation can be very depressing.  Investigate and go to various functions. You don’t have to commit to any of them.  Start establishing yourself with the network you have now.  This could include: churches, 12-step meetings, volunteer groups, fabric arts groups, library book clubs, etc. Many communities have newcomer groups and meet-up groups.

Copyright – Elizabeth J. Wheeler, June 9, 2020

Money is the subject of this month’s blog, corresponding to  chapter four in my new book entitled, “Paths – A Primer for Ladies-of-a-Certain Age,” tentatively to be published this autumn. It occurred to me it might be helpful for women, just starting to recognize themselves as older, if I wrote a simple workbook, a primer as school books used to be called, about this time of life.  Also, since I have gotten stuck many times on this path of a lady-of-a-certain-age, I thought it could be beneficial for others to review this material in an attempt to find the way again.  In this blog I cover the essence of chapter four, which deals with critical issues around money for the latter third of life.  I would love to get any comments or suggestions you might have.

So — money, honey (!) is the topic of this blog. Hang on to your hat, grab your cat or dog for blood pressure control, and brew yourself a good cup of tea!

I wish I could sugar coat the importance of money for ladies-of-a-certain-age, but I can’t, and it would be very deceiving if I did.  Frankly, ladies, this is where the rubber meets the road. And, I hate to tell you, no financial advisor is going to save you by waving a magic wand.  If managing money has not been your thing, well now is the time to “put on your big girl panties” and stop pretending prince charming or something – God knows what — is going to save you. 

If you have been managing your money all along and planning for retirement, this blog and chapter of my book will hopefully give you some pause to consider double checking your efforts.

To lighten things up a bit, you might want to listen to the Beatles sing “Money (That’s What I Want).   The last part of the song really highlights what we need in the final third of our life:

“Well now give me money
A lot of money
Wow, yeah, I want to be free
Oh I want money
That’s what I want

To start, I suggest taking time to think about what money means to you and what are your financial principles. In other words, defining your personal foundation for your  financial decisions. There is not a universal set of  blueprints  for money management at this age or any other age.  

Believe it or not, understanding my feelings and beliefs was essential for me to establish my money during the later third of my life. I went back and looked at my childhood and how my parents managed money and their values around the topic.  I remembered my mother saying one day that she could not live like Aunt Mary did because she could not handle having a bunch of things without knowing if she could really afford them.  Obviously, the uncertainty did not bother Aunt Mary, but it bothered my mom.  I realized I am a lot like my mom in regards to money. I like to know what I can afford  and where the money is to pay for it.  My mom took care of paying the bills at our house. I realized bookkeeping has never been something I relish. I needed to keep it simple and quick.

 I recognized I had two main principles: I wanted to live within my means and I would adjust my lifestyle to do so. 

Now, is the time to list dreams for the future, and to estimate associated costs. Some of my dreams included travel, playing various sports, and moving to Colorado’s western slope.

My dreams were the motivators for achieving my six goals. I acknowledged if I was going to live how I wanted to live for the remainder of my life, I needed to achieve six basic goals:

 1. No house payment

 2. No car payment

3.  No debt

 4. A nest egg, an emergency fund of three to six months of expenses in a bank savings account

5. A simple way to keep track of all monthly expenses

6. A realistic budget

Then, since both income and expenses will change in the later third of life, a summary of what they are now compared to what they will be as you enter the next phase is critical information in planning for future finances.   Here is a partial list:

                How much money do I have?

                Where is the money located? (bank accounts, etc.)

                 How much money is coming in each month?

                How much money will come in when I retire?

                 Do I have any credit card debt? If so, how much and which cards?

                 How much is my house payment or monthly rent?

                Do I have a car payment or car lease payment? If so, how much?

                 How much money do I need for basic necessities?

                What does health insurance cost now?

                What will it cost in the future?

                Will my nest egg cover costs such as hearing aids, dental work, cataract surgery, etc.?

Finally, this information of income and expenses, besides being personally helpful, is essential for anyone trying to settle an estate. Letting that person know where it is located is the first step. The next step is keeping it updated.

             Years ago, I remember listening to a tape by Suze Orman, America’s guru for women and finances. Much of what she said made sense to me.  This quote from her has made such a difference in my life, “You’re never powerful in life until you’re powerful over your own money,”

Copyright – Elizabeth J. Wheeler May 6, 2020

Recently I announced I was writing a new book entitled, “Paths – A Primer for Ladies-of-a-Certain Age,” tentatively to be published this autumn. The book is starting to take shape!  I am quite excited about it.  My blogs, for a good part of this year, cover the essence of each of the six chapters and address the most important questions that come up at this time of life.

Back then, when I stated the topic of this month’s blog, “How do I deal with physical changes?” I had no idea we would be dealing with major pandemic and constant news about health concerns. I don’t think I had even heard of coronavirus. This blog is all about the originally stated topic. It is not about coronavirus.

It occurred to me after writing almost 100 ladies-of-a-certain-age blog posts it might be helpful for women, just starting to recognize themselves as older, if I wrote a simple workbook, a primer as school books used to be called, about this time of life.  Also, since I have gotten stuck many times on this path of a lady-of-a-certain-age, it could be beneficial for others to review this material in an attempt to find the way again.

Each chapter has useful, practical hints and – of all things! – suggested homework, fun and insightful.  A helpful reading section will be provided. The primer could be used individually or in a group setting.  You will be able to purchase the book, either in paperback or kindle editions, on Amazon or a direct link from my site, www.ladiesofacertainage.com.

Choice is the goal of this blog and the corresponding chapter in my book.  The big takeaway is you consider YOUR CHOICES and YOUR HEALTHCARE. .  Just because the doctor says, just because husband says, just because daughter says or just because you-name-it says so, is no reason any lady-of-a-certain-age has to do what they say you have to do or ought to do. Neither this blog nor my book professes any specific course of action. Rather, I try and encourage the reader to do her own research and make up her own mind what is best for her.

I think this goal is going to be hard for the ladies-of-a-certain age in the first group of the Boomer generation.  I call women born in the Boomer years, Boomer Babes. There are two distinct groups: Those born between 1946 and 1954 and those in the time period 1955 and 1964. The second group sees the world very differently than the first group because of the rapid socioeconomic change that occurred in the United States following World War II.

The first group are unlikely to question doctors or most anyone in the medical profession because they were taught to respect authority or you could say “follow orders” since the country had just come out of war.

By the time Boomer Babes in the second group (1955 and 1964) came along, society started asking why – show me the data. (A little time flashback – The country had “adjusted” to Elvis if you will, and In 1964 “those British guys with the long hair,” the Beatles, hit the top of the American charts for the first time with their song, “I Want to Hold Your Hand.)

I did put a rather formal disclaimer at the end of this blog. For now I want you to know this is not medical advice, and I do not represent any of the healthcare organizations I used to work for. Oh, I am in the Boomer Babe Group No. 1. I was 17 when the Beatles song rocked the world.

At first taking care of our health seems quite simple at this age. After all, we have been taking care of ourselves for decades. But, our bodies do eventually wear out. What is likely to happen to them – from bones and teeth softening to blood vessels, joints, the muscle and valves of the heart and lungs stiffening — can scare the bejeepers out of you. And if that is not enough, pharmaceutical companies’ advertisements, vividly describe other deteriorating or diseased bodily functions. (While ladies-of-a-certain-age are certainly invisible to most companies in the United States, ladies-of-a-certain-age are the primary customer for many pharmaceutical and medical corporations and their gargantuan advertising budgets.)

It seems like we are constantly bombarded with health messages.

Where do we as ladies-of-a-certain start to choose how to deal with our health issues?

In my book I talk about topics such as dental health, dehydration, prolapse, including pessary information, behavior and emotional health, massage and body work, alcohol and drug addiction, isolation, helpful technology, meditation and the immense importance of exercise and your personal spiritual practice.

My book does not go into drugs, procedures or “recommended guidelines.” For these healthcare matters, I suggest before you commit you diligently research the topics on the web and talk to women who have chosen them. You do not immediately have to consent to these options no matter how much you are pressured to do so. I have written two blogs about those subjects. You can read them here: “Health, Docs and Pills” and “Health – What If?”

But, before the book goes into all of these important topics, I suggest we first consider how we want to die.

This might seem outrageous to you. Let me tell you a little personal experience that showed me how logical and practical this idea is. In 1986 my 68-year-old father told me in April his cancer had returned and he was terminal. August 6 he died. The last four months of his life were spent in a hospital. He underwent lots of procedures and took lots of drugs. He and his wife made those choices based on his doctors’ recommendations. Even today, I feel cheated I did not get to spend quality time with my father.

That experience – far more than the years I spent in healthcare marketing – has guided my choices on how I deal with aging and dying. Yes, I have a living will – advanced directives – and I have talked many times with my family about them. AARP’s Amanda Singleton states, “Clear, written health care direction is a gift to those who love you.”

“Being Mortal – Medicine and What Matters in the End,” by Atul Gawande, M.D. solidified my thinking and feelings. It is my number one healthcare book recommendation.

“Live not one’s life as though one had a thousand years, but live each day as the last,” Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius.

Disclaimer: 1. I hold a masters degree in marketing and have decades of experience working in senior management positions for these organizations: American Cancer Society Rocky Mountain Region, Novartis Pharmaceuticals Generics Division and the University of Colorado Hospital; 2. I do not represent these organizations anymore; 3. I receive no compensation whatsoever for this blog or any of my blogs; 4. This blog is not supported by advertising and 5. None of what I write is medical advice.

Copyright – Elizabeth J. Wheeler April 2, 2020

All talk and no action!  No, I am not talking about politicians.  I’m talking about the fashion industry.

Over and over again reviewing the latest spring fashion trends for this report, I read words such as conserve, reuse, and repurpose to help preserve the resources of the earth.  Except for shoes made out of some sort of corn product, I did not see any suggestions from the fashion industry on how to go about this.  I doubt they would profess the Jane Fonda’s personal assertion that she was just not going to buy clothes again as I heard her say at one of her recent climate change protects in Washington D.C.

Oddly enough, the same time I researched current fashion trends, I started reading Julie Summers’, “Fashion on the Ration,” a book about British fashion efforts during World War II.  Among other things, Summers writes about reusing fabrics from a variety of sources such as flour bags for shirts and used parachute silk for “undies,” as well as reconstructing garments for younger members of the family. British women even made special little purses to carry their gas masks.  Amazingly, Britain during this time encouraged women to dress well in an effort to elevate the country’s morale during these horrific times.  There is something to be said about when we dress well, we feel well.  I am reading this book as part of the research I am doing on my next ladies-of-a-certain-age mystery, “Murder and a Victory Garden.”

Of course, in this country women have been reusing material and reconstructing garments throughout our history, particularly as the country was being settled and through World War II.  In the other book I am writing, “Paths – a Primer for Ladies-of-a-Certain-Age,” I define two groups of women baby boomers: those born between 1946 and 1954 and the group born between 1955-1964.  I refer to both groups as “Boomer Babes,” but make the distinction of how different they are in many ways due to the rapid socioeconomic changes that happened. The first group will remember these clothes and maybe how their mothers and other women talked about nylon being severely rationed for war efforts and the black market for nylon stockings. I remember my mother talking about using an eyebrow pencil to make lines on the backs of her legs to imitate the line of nylon stockings. 

Personally, I am very skeptical that the fashion industry will encourage us to reuse and conserve, and I am skeptical that many of us will want to or even know how to. However, research shows we love to shop consignment and thrift stores.    But, no doubt about it climate change will continue to impact fashion.  The coronavirus is interrupting resources for materials and workers, let alone the Fall Fashion Week. Who knows, like in Briton during World War II, we might all be carrying little pouches for masks!

For most ladies-of-a-certain-age today the focus is on casual clothing since many are no longer in the workforce and have moved to retirement communities.  Although still invisible, we do see more ladies-of-a-certain-age in prominent positions and in the media.  They certainly are slowly bringing down the veil that has covered our age group in this country.

Before writing my fashion blog each season, I visit my local Target store. (We only have one in the small Western Colorado city where I live.) I visit Target because I find it a great example of all the latest fashions and colors, and because there is a store in almost every city where my readers live.  Also, I scour many websites that feature the latest fashion trends and list these sites at the end of the blog or provide a link. After doing all of this I review some basics, summarize the hot trends as I see them, list the most popular colors for the season, and finally, reveal “what’s in my closet.”  The spring and fall fashion report blogs are some of the most popular for readers.

First, let’s review some basics:

• Support your sister – no judgment of what other ladies-of-a-certain age wear.
• We all have a fashion personality and we naturally gravitate to certain styles.

If you don’t know yours, here’s a fun fashion personality quiz:

• We all have a color season if you will, and we look our best when we wear these colors.

If don’t know your season, believe me, it is worth your time to find out

Hot trends:

I did not find any outstanding trends this season.  Fashion seems to be all over the place; for example narrow cut and flared leg pants are both in vogue, and the colors this season seem odd to me; for example there is only one Pantone green, a shade I associate with fall, and few pastels.  It seems like the whole world and our country is topsy-turvy. 

• Trench coats
• Jean jackets
• Pleats
• Dots
• Crocheted items (probably nothing your grandmother ever made!)
• Bra tops (yep!)
• Hot pants (aka – short shorts – remember the song?)
• Large purses
• Straw handbags
• Chokers
• Pearls
• Bright floral and beaded colored earrings (give your silver and gold ones a break)
• Bright colors – reds, oranges, coral, yellows, browns and lots of blues, a green that looks like turquoise
• Loafers
• Sneakers
• Platforms
• Mules
• Flats
• Strappy sandals
• Stacked heels and high heels
• Collar fronts  like the Count of Sesame Street wears
• Peplum sleeves
• Head bands and hair clips

Sharing my 2019 fall fashion choices: What’s in my closet

• I always “shop my closet, first,” and do a little “tiding” while I am at it.  I am a huge fan of Maria Kondo and recycling.  What doesn’t bring me joy anymore, I put in my donation bag to my favorite thrift store. My closet is full of traditional casual style of clothes in “winter” colors.
• I must admit – Conserve and preserve is easy for me.  Yes, I am in that first group of women and came from a family that was very financially prudent.  (I am so grateful they taught me those lessons.) But …. I have a tendency to hang on to things.

Frankly, I look shabby at times.  I hate to admit how old my trench coat and jean jacket are.  We have had wonderful adventures.  I am not shopping for new ones in my favorite consignment shops.  I have seen lots of these types of coats in these stores.  Yes, I will wash or dry clean them.  I always do.  With the virus, it is even more important than ever. 

• Since most of my days include yoga and pickleball, I am planning on buying a couple of pairs of sport knit capris. 
• I hope to find t-shirts in the only colors I like this season – Pantone’s Chive and Grape Compote. 
• From the yoga studio or the pickleball court, I often go someplace where I don’t want to look like I just came from there.  I’ll throw on a denim jacket and a beaded chocker I have had for years.
• My navy blue Hobo bag would have been perfect this season.  But, it looks worn and is going in my donation bag.  I did buy a big leather gray Ralph Lauren bag (retail originally around $500) at Goodwill for $50. I took it on a trip and found it to be too heavy.  It is a great bag for air travel.  I am looking for another find.
• I didn’t realize how many “in-style” shoes I had until I went through my closet.   So I won’t be buying any this season.
• Nail polish is not in my closet.  I will buy a new bottle of Rose Pedal polish by Sally Hansen because it stays on and is plant based. I do get pedicures because I have several in-grown toe nails.  Pedicures are great for ladies-of-a-certain-age for a variety of reasons, including the thickening of nails and flexibility. 

• List of  web sources:
• Chicos
• Harper Bazaar
• Whowhatwear
• Jjill
• Elle
• Freshproduce
• Sally Hansen
• Vogue
• Nordstrom
• Soft Surroundings

Copyright – Elizabeth J. Wheeler, March 5, 2020.

Last month I announced I was writing a new book entitled, “Paths – A Primer for Ladies-of-a-Certain Age,” tentatively to be published this autumn. It occurred to me after writing almost 100 ladies-of-a-certain-age blog posts that  it might be helpful for women, just starting to recognize themselves as older, if I wrote a simple workbook, a primer as school books used to be called, about this time of life.  Also, since I have gotten stuck many times on this path of a lady-of-a-certain-age, it could be beneficial for others to review this material in an attempt to find the way again.

The book is starting to take shape!  I am quite excited about it.  For the next several months – except for March – I will cover the gist of each of the six chapters that address the most important questions that come up at this time of life:

1. Who am I now?

2. What lies ahead?

3. How do I deal with physical changes?

4. Where does money come into all of this?

5. Why and when I may need different housing?

6. Will I have a purpose?

Each chapter will have helpful, practical hints and – of all things! – suggested homework, fun and insightful.  A helpful reading section will be provided. The primer could be used individually or in a group setting.  You will be able to purchase the book, either in paperback or kindle editions, on Amazon or a direct link from my site, www.ladiesofacertainage.com.

Of course, in March, I will report on the latest spring fashion trends for ladies-of-a-certain-age! 

So, what lies ahead? Before we start, it is important to define who is a lady-of-a-certain-age in American society.   I call her a Boomer Babe!  Within this boomer description, there are really two categories of women.

The experience for those women born between 1946 and 1954 and those between 1955 and 1964 varies.  Life for the second group accelerated because of the ever increasing change in American society due to technology, medical breakthroughs, and the feminist liberation movement. 

For example, the first group of women often recalls with joy the day their family got a black and white television set and the second group has a hard time remembering black and white television shows and just having one television in the house.  Likewise, the first group of women giggles when they remember the family telephone party line, and the second group remember either themselves or their lucky friends having a pink princess phone in their bedrooms. 

The Boomer Babe went from learning how to type on a manual (the first group) or a Selectric (second group) typewriter, to wearing on her wrist an Apple Watch, a computer a zillion times more powerful than the first gargantuan one she encountered in college.

Generally speaking, she is no longer working, her family lives far away, and her marital situation had changed. But, her life continues. No wonder the lady-of-a-certain-age is invisible. 

Frankly, American society doesn’t know what to do with her.  She has bucks, brains and tons of talent and experience.  Amazingly, some Boomer Babes are achieving the epitome of power as presidential candidates, senators and representatives and even an anchor and managing editor of a national nightly news show. 

America is getting an inkling that she is a force to be recognized.

Boomer Babes are at a crossroads in their lives.  Where do they go from here?  Which path should they take?  They don’t want to stagnant, but how do they rejuvenate? 

It is important to note the general belief in American society is this final bit of life is when women shrivel up and fade away. “Grandma stays home all day, watches television, complains about her aches and pains and eats cereal.” That might be true for some woman, but not all.  In fact many women find this time period in their life the most active and creative period because they do not have the responsibilities inherent in other life phases.  Good ol’ Grandma Moses, Anna Mary Robertson Moses, is often cited as the perfect example who explored her creativity as a lady-of-a-certain-age and began painting in earnest at the age of 78.

When this stage of our life starts, being tired, not knowing what to do, feeling blah are common feelings Author Melody Beattie calls times like these “The in-between places or the void  It is an uncomfortable place because one part of our life stops or changes dramatically, and we don’t know what to do now. She talks about appreciating these times in our lives because they eventually will illuminate the clues to the path ahead.  Many times in my life her explanation of this time was exactly what I needed to read.

It is so tempting when we are in this gray zone to get busy – play golf every day, sign up for every volunteer opportunity that comes are way, babysit grandchildren night and day,  It is tempting because this busyness keeps us from experiencing this uncomfortable place. Sitting in this place and these feelings, is not pleasant. But somehow, magically the sun comes up and suddenly there is a trail ahead that seems so alluring, it calls your name, and you know it is where you need to go.

Elinor Greenberg talks of rejuvenation and uses other “R” words such as reinvention, redefinition and resurgence. The title of the book she wrote with Fay Wadsworth Whitney, “A Time of Our Own”, succinctly defines this period of life. 

Looking at the final third of life can be so depressing. Instead of putting our head in the sand, and just accept our fate, we can identify what probably lies ahead and make prudent decisions – Make the best of it.  Yet, looking at the final third of life can be so accelerating.  We can truly dream and decide what we need to do to make them come true. 

In the coming years there will be physical, financial, relationship and mental changes. My book does not profess any specific course of action. Rather, each woman is encouraged to do her own research and make up her own mind what is best for her.  Just because the doctor says, just because my husband says, just because my daughter says or just because you-name-it, is no reason that any lady-of-a-certain-age has to do what they say you have to do or ought to do.

Unlike our male counterparts we are able to rely on a source that has given us help, encouragement and companionship all of our lives.  This resource is called “our girlfriends.” Women have consulted and worked with other women throughout the ages. They were there to help us make quilts, process the corn, make war bandages and assist with births.  Women know how to cooperate. We are comparative not competitive by nature.  So it is only natural as our life changes that we gravitate towards our friends for help and compassion.  Our men, on the other hand have been focused on making a living.  When they retire, their main purpose and social group are gone.  When women leave the workforce, they just shift their energies to new endeavors and know other women have been down this path and will help them.

Since ladies-of-a-certain-age often don’t receive valentines, this is the perfect month to do something special for your friends.

Subscribe to this blog to receive a monthly enewsletter with more information for ladies-of-a-certain-age, including reading suggestions, economical, nutritious, small-serving- size recipes, and comforts and considerations for the month.

Copyright – Elizabeth J. Wheeler February 2. 2020