Ladies of a Certain Age ~ for those invisible powerful, dynamic, vital women

Gotsha!  If the headline just said ‘Gratitude,’ you might say “Gag me! I’ve read enough about gratitude and gratitude lists, for that matter. I’m not reading this, Elizabeth. Thank you!”

Hold on. I’ve learned a technique for dealing with difficulties in a grateful manner that is effective with all sorts of complexities.

First, let me clarify. I am a gratitude fan.  Yes, I write a gratitude list everyday!  Someone wrote that gratitude is like yeast because it raises the good in our life.  That has definitely been my experience.  Also, I am committed  to not becoming  a bitter old lady.  I can’t think of a better antidote for this malaise – bitter- old-lady-syndrome – than gratitude.  Bitter old ladies are not ladies-of-a-certain age, who are dynamic, vital and powerful women!

I am writing about gratitude for things, people or events that really upset or hurt me.  It is a potent potion for finding out more about me and possible solutions or answers for the difficulties.

I’ll give you two examples of how I am using it right now: my red sweater and Thanksgiving plans. Frankly, I was not grateful for either of these situations; but, each was bothering me so much that I have decided – with gritted teeth – to be appreciative.

You see, I signed up for a how-to-knit-a-sweater class.  I’ve been knitting several years now, mainly socks and scarves.  A sweater seemed like a logical next clothing item to knit.  I decided to take this class for two reasons: first, I needed knitting instruction for this more complicated garment,  and second, I like the ladies who were taking the class and the instructor.

Well ……..  Five weeks into the class those other ladies are about two-thirds done with their sweaters, and I am still on the bottom part.  I didn’t realize when I signed up for the six-week class that it would cost $100 and the yarn and needles another $100.  I have never owned a $200 sweater.  The most expensive one was less than $100.  Did I mention the yarn is colored red?  Well, I was red with anger and frustration!

“So, why should I be grateful for this aggravating experience,” I ask myself.  Well, in the first place it might help me calm down and figure out what I can do.  Secondly, right now I am mad at the instructor – it’s her fault, you see – mad at my friend who recommended this pattern – and mad at me and feeling inadequate for the project and upset that I spent so much money.  Wow, these reasons sure sound bitter! I am definitely blaming and judging.

To begin with, I made a strong effort to list everything I like about my sweater experience.  It includes: the beautiful red yarn, the shade of the red yarn, being with my friends every week, sitting next to my special friend who recommended the pattern, admiring our young instructor for her knowledge and patience.  I calmed down.

Next, it occurred to me how I could get some help with the sweater at the shop where I am taking the class and on UTube. At the store a young woman, who wears cut-off shorts to work and sports tattoos, has helped me innumerable times.  The best part is I admire her and enjoy her company.  I would have never gotten to know her if I had not been willing to get help with that red sweater!

I feel much better and am so glad I did not vent my anger inappropriately.  Also, I learned that when I am frustrated I often go to blame and judgment, neither of which has ever helped me solve problems and have often alienated me from people.

Now, about those Thanksgiving plans –  you see I have had it in my head since I was a little girl that when I was a grandma I would cook the most fabulous Thanksgiving dinner and my family would joyfully sit around my large dining room table in my big bungalow in Denver’s Washington Park area and just rave about my cooking and be ever so grateful for one another – oh, and the grandchildren would have perfect table manners.  That dream leads me to the “pity-pot” every year.

Then I remembered that I’m so thankful I am not “doing Thanksgiving” this year. Two years ago, my family did come to my little yellow cottage in Englewood. The adults sat around my small dining room table (my big son-in-law almost took out a piece of furniture when he backed up his chair!) and the four grandchildren around my diminutive kitchen table.  I heard more complaints about my food than compliments.  I was grateful that I was not eating in the kitchen, because by now – in my opinion – all of those kids should know how to cut with a knife and not eat with their hands.  I invited an elderly relative to join us and she “hogged” the conversation like she has for the many, many Thanksgivings I have eaten with her.  I was exhausted the next day and had a lot of cleaning to do.

Maybe I’ll write a children’s book about happy Thanksgivings I spent with my grandma and family!  Yes, this is a great idea!  Also, I have thought about some fun plans just for me this holiday. So glad I am not in the “poor-me” frame of mind.

See how being grateful for yucky things and people help!