Ladies of a Certain Age ~ for those invisible powerful, dynamic, vital women

New Year’s resolutions always seem like frozen waffles heated in a microwave – wimpy.  It would be great to have a nice toasty breakfast, something I can sink my teeth into, but at this age, I just don’t want to haul out the toaster oven, make the herculean effort to toast frozen waffles, let alone make and achieve resolutions.  So, no list of New Year’s resolutions for me!

Now, a bucket list is something I could relish.  It would be worth cleaning off the grille – so to speak – on my snowy patio!

I’m a little ticked at myself for not having a bucket list.  Frankly, I was downright pissed at myself (can ladies-of-a-certain-age use that type of language?) this past June, June 12, 2013 to be exact.  That was the day a wildfire destroyed many of the treasures in southern Colorado’s Royal Gorge Park. I was pissed off because I had always wanted to go there – ride the aerial tram, see the bridge.  Now, I, this Colorado native, to boot, can never experience the Royal Gorge the way I wanted to. 

Yesterday morning I was pissed, too. I got another email abut a dear friend passing away.  Her mother lived to 104 years old, why couldn’t she live until at least 80?   In the past six months, cancer has quickly taken the lives of two dear friends. There’s no guarantee cancer won’t get me either.

So, what am I waiting for?  Where is that bucket list? What should be on it anyway?  Will I have the courage and the guts, to mark off items on the list once I have it?

Making a bucket list is a daunting task I have found.  Ten years ago, I did not even know what a bucket list was.  In 2007, Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman starred in “The Bucket List,” the story of two terminal cancer patients, old? guys, living their last days to the fullest. The film hit a real nerve in our collective aging Baby Boomer body. Since then, “bucket list” is a common phrase. 

The list is daunting because I am not sure what to put on it.  Unpacking, I found some old “Day-timers,” big leather books with my life in them.  Now, I carry a smart phone.  I found some sheets with dreams listed on them.  They all related to travel.  I had written them prior to 2007.  I have been to one of those places listed: Victoria, Canada’s Butchart Gardens.  I still want to go to all of those places.  At least, I have a start to my bucket list.

I looked on the Web.  Good grief!  Lots of help can be found there.  Many of the sites will even take your money to help you make a list.  I found one site to be very helpful and interesting, www. Daringtolivelifefully.com  The site listed these bucket list categories: Fun, possessions, vacations, contributions (now, that is a new one!), spiritual (gratitude – who said if all you said was thank you that would be prayer enough? Forgiveness? There are a couple of people who I would truly like to forgive.  I have found try as I might I can’t just do it.  Forgiveness seems to come with help from above.  I love the saying, “Forgiveness is not forgetting:  It is letting go of the pain.”) lifestyle, (yes, I can relate to that one.  I have wanted to live in Palisade, Colorado for years!) relationships, adventure, places to visit, personal development, financial and education.  This list definitely has given me food for thought.

Then, of course, comes the question: How can I do what is on my bucket list?  For me, most of the things I want to do on my list that I can think of so far, are financially doable and my current health will permit me to do so.  A number of years ago, I remember watching during a Public Broadcasting Station (PBS) fundraiser one of those self-help gurus, whose name I cannot remember – an older lady talking about not letting money or anything else stop you.  She talked about many creative ways of doing what you wanted without spending zillions.   I have always remembered her presentation. 

What I am concerned more about than money is what I could label “analysis paralysis” and “The Censor.”  By the time I “figure out” lots of stuff, I come to the erroneous conclusion it just can’t be done and this is why – my list of 10 reasons.  Then, I find out someone does it!  I suspect that analysis paralysis comes from my “Censor.”  Years ago, Julia Cameron in her book, “The Artist’s Way, A spiritual Path to Higher Creativity,” really nailed this poltergeist that haunts my brain.  The Censor comes out and tells me why – explicitly – why I can’t do something.  Cameron states, “Censors loathe anything that sounds like real self-worth.”  My Censor tells me awful things that will happen to me and my loved ones if I do thus and so.  With Cameron’s help, I have learned to tell my Censor to get lost and more explicitly “Go to Hell!” 

I now know a couple of things on my Bucket List and I am making plans to do them.  A woman I know “further down the path than me,” she is in her 80s, told me that hard thing about a bucket list, is to do the things on your list.  Frankly, I am praying for courage and guts!  God knows how much longer I will be on this earth.